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#1
10-29-2006, 06:14 PM
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Night Before Surgery Thoughts
I'm sitting here, listening to every possible emo-esque song on my iTunes, silently crying into my glass of "clear fluids" (aka water) that I can only drink for two more hours. I am freaking out about surgery in the morning. Not even necessarily because I feel that something will go wrong in surgery. No. I have faith in Dr. G.
No. I'm scared of the results. I know that I should have faith that everything will be okay. But, sometimes faith is really freaking hard, guys. I had faith that my body would be healthy in general. So far, that's not the case in anything that I've experienced in the past three years. I'm twenty-five with the kidney of someone far older in age. My uterus hates me and is rebelling. I don't want to think about any of the possibilities that could come with the results of surgery. But I do. I try to think positive. For example, I've been charting and temping even though surgery will throw us off whack just so I could get into the habit for when we receive good news. Right? Good news. God tests me a lot. And sometimes I just don't want to be tested. I just want something to be easy. I want this surgery to be a success. I want an easy answer from the results that is fixed in a short amount of time. I want to conceive the first month that we try. I want a totally uneventful pregnancy; no bed rest, no preterm labor. I want to go into labor on my own (no induction for pre-e) and to experience labor without medication. I want a successful breastfeeding relationship. And I want my kidney to heal and/or not give me any problems anymore. I know that's asking too much and that I should be grateful for what I have... which is so much more than others have. I know. I sound selfish tonight. But all I really want is to cuddle up wiht my Husband and have him tell me that, no matter the results, he'll still love me. Forever. But he's at work. And I'm alone.
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   Six months of breastfeeding! (and still going!!) Jenna
 Mom to two boys"This labeling This pointing This sensitive’s unraveling This sting I’ve been ignoring I feel it way down way down These versions of violence Sometimes subtle sometimes clear And the ones that go unnoticed Still leave their mark once disappeared" -Alanis, Versions of Violence I'm now a blogger for Adoption.com! Come read! http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com 
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#2
10-29-2006, 06:36 PM
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No words of wisdom Jenna, But I want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers throughout the night and tomorrow! Hang in there...we are thinking of you!
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Community Moderator Michelle "I have learned that people won't remember what you said to them, they won't remember what you did to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel"
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#3
10-29-2006, 06:50 PM
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You'll be in my prayers :)
I don't know the whole story Jenna, but I've been through plenty of surgeries and I understand how frustrating it can be when your body isn't cooperating with you. I just wanted to tell you that I'll be praying for you too, tonight and tomorrow....,we're here for you! Try to get you as much sleep as you can, your body will need it with the stress you're experiencing right now. 
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Michelle(Wife and Mother) BMom in reunion with my DD since Feb 07 Placed in 4/86, Found in 4/06     MY BLOG http://heartstringsfromheaven.blogspot.com/     "shoot the fuzzies"..my 2 yr old son's favorite saying
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#4
10-29-2006, 06:54 PM
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I'm thinking of you Jenna and praying for you. I hope all your dreams come true, hold onto that hope and those dreams and you'll make it through!!!
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#5
10-29-2006, 06:58 PM
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Jenna, you're in my thoughts and prayers and I hope all goes well and that everything will be okay.
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Anne  Forum Moderator for General Birthparent Support and Chit Chat Firstmom to 2 beautiful daughters. A, 3-14-03 & K, 11-21-04 Birthaunt to "Christopher Scott" 2-27-85 Here's My Story, If you'd like to read it  .
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#6
10-29-2006, 06:59 PM
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Thinking positive thoughts and praying for you tonight and tomorrow.
I am sure everything will be just fine - don't stress about things you don't even know about yet! Lots of thoughts, prayers and HUGS coming your way!!
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Michele B. Mom to 3 from Guatemala 
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#7
10-29-2006, 07:51 PM
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Jenna, my thoughts are with you and fingers crossed for a good outcome.
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    Leigh Liable to Change http://lhjh4.wordpress.com/ "One day I will be faith filled I'll be trusting and spacious, authentic and grounded and home" Alannis -- Incomplete No day but today.... Rent 
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#8
10-30-2006, 03:35 AM
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Oh Jenna
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Everything will turn out just fine!!Great big huge hugs!!
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 Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture. - Steven Wright ~Todays mighty Oak is just yesterdays nut that held it’s ground~  Birth Mom Adult Step-Parent Adoptee
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#9
10-30-2006, 03:45 AM
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Thoughts and prayers coming your way, Jenna. It's all the uncertanty that is so hard.
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Brenda Romanchik Insight: Open Adoption Resources & Support
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#10
10-30-2006, 01:03 PM
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The doctors didn't find anything absolutely horrid which is good in itself. I do, however, have to go through another bunch of "fun" testing to find the reasons behind all of this. Our plans to TTC the Next New Hatfield have been put on hold for, at least, three months. I'm kind of heart broken about that but glad that there are no aliens in my uterus.
On to the next phase.
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Six months of breastfeeding! (and still going!!) Jenna
Mom to two boys"This labeling This pointing This sensitive’s unraveling This sting I’ve been ignoring I feel it way down way down These versions of violence Sometimes subtle sometimes clear And the ones that go unnoticed Still leave their mark once disappeared" -Alanis, Versions of Violence I'm now a blogger for Adoption.com! Come read! http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com
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#11
10-30-2006, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
Gah Jenna! They looked in the wrong place, the Alien is in your BRAIN...not your uterus! Glad things are ok...
__________________
Brandy
Adopted Adult :: Mother First Mother :: Wife In order to know where we're going, we have to understand where we've been.
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