[Colorbind love]

Hon, you can request all his testing be done at bedside.

And, one trick I learned with my last baby, request that YOU give baby his first bath. Turns out, technically hospital staff consider the vernix and amniotic fluid a bodily fluid. So, until baby is bathed, they will wear gloves and avoid touching baby as much as possible.

For my first after placing, I agreed to let her go to the nursery for just ONE hour. Her Daddy stayed glued at her side for that hour and I was at the nurses' station demanding her return when 1 hour was up. Last time, I requested all testing at bedside and that we give her bath. We also got an early discharge from the hospital and were home within 6 hours from giving birth (it was a transported homebirth). Even when we changed rooms, I just wrapped her up in blankets, covered her so no one could see, touch or do anything and we rode in a wheelchair together to the post-partum room.

What is it like to hold that first post-placement baby? Pure joy. I don't think I ever felt anything so amazing in my life. After months of being convinced I would lose her as punishment for not wanting my first, to finally hold her and realize that I was MOM was just amazing. I don't think I slept for 2 days after I got to gaze at her face.

Nearly 7 years (and 4 more children) later, its still just as amazing. I don't think I take my motherhood for granted. I know what the pain of transferring that motherhood to someone else felt like, and I am proud that I have been blessed with my amazing kids now.

[dkb60]

Jenna,
Four years after I released my daughter to adoption, I married the birthfather. (I have to say I am still happily, well most days, married 23 years later.) For quite a few years after we were married I was convinced I didn't deserve any more children. It took some time but eventually I overcame those thought and after 5 years of marriage we got pregnant with our first. ( I have always been uncomfortable with that phrase...is she our first or our second...what do I say to people who ask if it's our first...it was hard). The closer it came to delivery the more nervous I got. I realized there were a lot of feeling about our first baby that I had not dealt with. That and the whole hormonal thing made me a basket case.

The night I went in to deliver the nursing staff tried to put me in the same room I was in for the first delivery. I paniced. It was somewhat stupid as the whole ward had been remodeled and it looked nothing like it had but there was just no way I could go into that room. They were nice enough to give me the room next to it although I am sure they thought I was a nut case. Everything went well until a day or so post partum when they brought in the birth certificate and all that. It hit me just what I had not been allowed to do the first time. I just sat their holding my daughter and cried and cried. The nurses all came by and told me it all the hormonal stuff and I knew they were partly right but it was so much more. My doc came by (he had delivered my first and also worked with my dh) he told me probably the most important advice I got. He said to stop comparing experiences. The first happened in the dark ages of adoption and so much should have been done differently. So I shouldn't beat myself up over all that but just go forward and be the best mom I know how to be.

The interesting side light is that he became my birthdaughter's med school instructor. He doesn't know the connection as we have never had the opportunity to tell him.

So the long of it I guess is don't compare situations. Just move forward in this one.

D.

[jessmc420]

I think that was really well said, I think I need to take that advice myself. Thank you for sharing that!

[dkb60]

Oh another thing to expect...this one has nothing to do with previously releasing a child and I don't think it was just my hubby that acts like this.

Baby is born, dad cuts cord, mom gets to hold baby for a little while, dad is "oh this is great, you both are great" and then it is time to go weigh baby and poof dad and baby are gone....he was completely engrossed with everything baby forget about mommy. If it wasn't for breast feeding and poopy diapers, I may never gotten to hold my kids again. I will secretly admit it is pretty cool to see a dad so totally in love with his daughters. He still is and they are all much older now.

D.