[michellemartin]

Jenna ((((((hugs))))) (((((((Big Squishes)))))))

Shell, I need to make a confession, too. Josh always wanted a girl, and I never wanted a boy. Not that I really wanted another girl, I was just dead set on not parenting a boy and I was crossing my fingers hoping that Kara would be a boy so that Josh wouldnt be so hurt placing her (he has two sons already) and that so I wouldnt be so attached. I think I would be more likely to contemplate (not actually do it, but contemplate) abortion if I knew I was having a boy. As it was with Kara, I never contemplated that option.

Jenna, sorry I dont have much advice for you, just know that if you need to chat, IM or email me anytime. You are very loved here on these forums and we have missed you. You are not alone. I'm on the opposite side of the fence placing my second (and most likely last) child for adoption, doing it backwards I suppose. The feelings of placing my second had Karma thinking that the baby wasnt good enough to keep. She once said to me that I loved her (Karma) so I kept her, but I didnt love the baby (Kara) so much, so I gave her to T and D! In no way do I love Kara less! I just knew being mommy again wasnt a good idea. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying, is no matter what, there are issues of regular pregnancies (if my first can be called regular) and having a placement either before or after. Different issues, but cruddy to deal with no matter what order it goes in.

[missingmyboy]

Michelle,

Like you I placed my second child. For me there are still difficulties about being "fair" to my kept child. It is easier now as I have made it though my original grief. However I do have more pics of my bson up then of my "kept" son. Part of that is just that Matt hates having his pic taken and and I take a whole roll of pics of Nathan every time I see him. But part of that was also just wanting to have my bson "around". KWIM? It is hard and there are difficulties around being "fair" to your children no matter which child is parented and which child is placed.

By the way Michelle, a liscensee I worked with said it is very common to place subsequent children. A teenager is more likely to chose to parent her baby and a "older" woman is more likely to consider adoption especially if she is already a parent. The teenager part I could relate too as I know I wouldn't even really think about adoption when I was pregnant as a teen with my first child. (Even though my counsellor tried to discuss it with me. We discussed adoption but I knew I couldn't do it.) You are not as unusual as you think!

Shell

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Wow this is a deep thread. First to add in.. I think of both you nicole and you jenna daily also.... I just commented ont he private group that I was having Jenna withdrawl and used "Rad" as an homage!

I hope you too are great!

And i too can relate here.

I placed my second daughter. In all essence... I dont know if it is easier or harder to place your second. I felt and still feel like it must be harder because I know every little thing that I am missing. I still feel that way when I get video clips and pictures where I see my other daughters traits and personality... It is hard. And there are times that I am so lost and hurt over not being the mom I needed to be-- that I almost feel like it is so hard because I have my daughter and I see things and then think... I will miss that when Kristin gets to that stage. I dont think I would feel this so much if they werent the same gender.
I also am not sure that I would feel that so much it I had placed my first... because instead of knowing what I am missing... I think I would be... ooh remember when so and so said that she was doing this... I will get to actually see that this time.

Of course that may be rose colored glasses.

I was so paranoid last year when my best friend had a little girl... the first girl since I placed that I worked myself up into a frenzy.... just to fall in love with her....

I too would be scared to have a girl. It is tremendously hard for me with both of them being girls. I know that I would love a girl if I had one... but I secretly hope if I ever have another child that it will be a boy.

Judge that all as you may.

Jenna... it looks like we all have these fears. I wanted to put mine out there like the others because it almost seems like you started another awesome insightful thread. While trying to help yourself we all get to talk about that weight on our chest.

Love ya.
Christine