[Montraviatommyg]

Yesterday we went to the hospital for the results of our tests which I had been absolutely dreading. The good news was that there is no reason why I shouldn't conceive then it was confirmed what we already knew that my husband has a low sperm count. We were told the next course of action was be to put on the waiting list for ICSI for which we would qualify for one free attempt on the NHS. The bombshell came when I was asked to confirm my age and was then told it wouldn't happen as the cut off age is 42 and I'm 43.

What has gutted us more than anything is that our doctor, who referred us, knew my age as did the first gynaecologist we saw yet we both went through tests. It has absolutely devastated both of us as we have been through so much over the years to get to this point.

The law of nature says I can be a mother yet man made rules are denying me that right at the moment as we can't afford to go private due to finances being tight. I've got to the point that I need time out from the whole issue before we decide what to do next.

Philippa

[ingodshands]

I am so sorry sweetie. That seems really unfair that you have missed this opportunity by a year, and doctors let you and your husband go through tests and everthing else first before telling you this.

It's not much consolation, but I am thinking of you, and give you a much needed ((HUG))...

Collette

[Tigger27]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Philippa. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sending hugs your way.

God Bless.

Anne

[SchmennaLeigh]

Many, many prayers.

[hopeful0712]

(((((Philippa))))),
My heart aches for you and your husband. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
God bless you both,
Robin

[Montraviatommyg]

Thanks for the support I appreciate all your words.

Philippa

[Montraviatommyg]

I desperately need words of wisdom here as my husband is really relying on 'words of wisdom' from God that we are blessed with children. My faith has wavered over the years and I am in depths of despair. I have tried to rationalise how I feel and maybe adoption is our way forward but my husband wont discuss it until we reach the point we are told we cannot under any cirumstances have our own. Whether we have our own biological children or not I feel we have so much to offer and my experiences as a birth mother is a bonus.

I am in need of honest opinion.

Philippa

[Tigger27]

Hey Philippa,

I know I don't understand or know exactly where you're coming from, but I'll try to give you my thoughts on this to see if they'll help you in some way.

I think that you should, like you're doing, seriously consider and look into adoption and filling out paperwork etc. as a serious possible option for becoming parents. I know with the adoptive parents of my 2 year old, the adoptive mom was all for applying, filling out the paperwork and whatever was necessary for becoming prospective adoptive parents, but the adoptive dad of my 2 year old was hesitant and didn't want to admit that was possibly the only way they would become parents for a time. But as you can see, in time, the adoptive dad came around and now they are the parents to my 2 year old girl, Allie.

I think perhaps you need to look into/go forward with looking into/possibly applying/filling out adoption paperwork to possibly become prospective adoptive parents not just because it may be the way the Lord wants to bless you with children, but because the Lord may want you to show him how willing you are to do whatever it takes to have children, if that makes sense. It may be that you go do all the prospective adoptive parent work and then have something happen where you find yourself pregnant or it may be that you do all the prospective aparent work, adopt a child and then find yourself pregnant. I've heard of a lot of miraculous strange things happening to adoptive parents with having adopted and then out of the blue having a biological child or two so anything is possible with God.

I think you should seriously consider/look into the option of being prospective adoptive parents and applying with an agency or whatever you feel you should do. And you should, of course, pray and think on it and ask other's opinions as you're doing.

I think maybe something you might want to talk about with your husband, if you haven't already, is to let him know that you're not giving up on the possibility of getting pregnant and having children naturally/biologically, but that you're considering adoption to further your chances of becoming a parent and having children in your life.

Maybe he's not willing to consider/talk about adoption because he feels that if he does that he's admitting defeat or giving up and maybe you need to help talk him through some of this so he understands that even if you consider adoption or do get children through adoption and not through natural ways etc. that doesn't mean you've given up, it just means you've gone a different route. It won't make the children any less yours if you adopt them either and maybe he's unsure of that.

I would say don't give up on getting pregnant and having biological children, but don't shut out looking into and possibly signing up for adoption, that seems to be what your husband may need to hear. Maybe that would help him.

I know I just went on and on and it may sound like rambling and not make complete sense, but I hope you can make some sense out of what I've tried to say here.

I wish you the best and hope things work out somehow for you. You're in my prayers. I hope something I said helps you in some way.

*Hugs*

Anne

[Montraviatommyg]

Thanks again Anne,

I haven't responded to your last pm but I have read the poem , you certainly know how to write from the heart. Have pulled myself together a bit more since posting here yesterday.

I suppose partly why I'm getting a bit frustrated with my husband over talking about adoption atm is because he was the one who suggested it in the first place a few years ago. We never went further than talking about it as the time wasn't right for us particularly me.

Having been on the other side of the coin this was holding me back as I wasn't sure if I could do so knowing what it is like to relinquish a child to adoption. However having gone through reunion which included telling my son why I didn't have any other children as he asked and I felt able to be honest with him it really did force the issue.

From September last year and up to just before we got the results of the tests we did start talking seriously about adoption and agreed that if we had bad news that we would take the next step. Although it would be great to have our own bio children an adopted child would be loved equally as they are just as special.

All I can do is patient and get information together as there are local angencies and the Family Placement Team (social workers) I can approach about this matter. Also I am going to rethink how I broach the subject again with my husband again when I've got the information together.

My husband's heart is in the right place and I know how much he wants to be a dad. Incidently after my son was adopted his parents went on to have their own bio son - both sons were treated exactly the same which was a relieve to me. Having gone through that cycle of having given up a child for adoption, having to deal with it in silence then being reunited I have experience of one side of this issue. Having been there if we did adopt I would have invaluable experience that nobody can try and 'teach' me. My husband also has invaluable experience to offer as a partner of a birth parent which sometimes I remind him of. All I can do is to be patient while we get our lives back to some normality but I will keep you posted.

I appreciate everything you have said.

Hugs,
Philippa