[Montraviatommyg]

After 11 years of marriage my husband and I finally got a sympathetic doctor to refer us to the local hospital which doesn't have an 'age policy' or penalise me for already having gone through a full term pregnancy irrespective of the fact that my bson was adopted.

On Monday we had our first appointment and I had swabs taken to make sure I don't have any underlying infections. I have got blood tests, pelvic scan and a hysterosalpingogram to 'look forward' to but at least it has given us hope for the future. If this fails we shall consider adopting!

Montraviatommygun

[SchmennaLeigh]

Montravia,

I am SO glad you found a Doc who will listen and be sympathetic to your deisre to be a Mom. Good luck in your journey. *hugs*

[Ragnarok]

Congrats, I hope this leads to something wonderful for you very soon.

[Montraviatommyg]

Although I am still in the process of having tests and haven't conceived yet my husband and I are already arguing about what is a theoretical situation. He isn't sure about my bson having contact with any children we may have but wont so why except 'he doesn't trust my bson' - he wont explain why. Bearing in mind my bson is in Canada, though he plans to travel for a while before going back to Canada, and I live in the UK so contact would be minimal anyway. I, on the other hand, have told my husband that whether he likes it or not my bson has a right to know his siblings and I want this to happen.

Montravia

[SchmennaLeigh]

I think you and your husband have some things to discuss before going further with trying to conceive. Issues like this, pairing one child off against another, can create huge riffs in a marriage. Unless he is able to accept your son as simply that -- your son -- then he's trying to negate your past. We all have a past. Our past shapes who we are. And your past also shapes who any future children will be. If he won't accept that, perhaps he has issues of his own that he needs to deal with. Immediately.

[Montraviatommyg]

Shmennaleigh,

Since you posted your reply things came to head about the issue of my bson having contact with any children we may have as he brought up the subject with a counsellor I have been seeing on and off since December. The main reason for seeing her has been to do with getting copies of the adoption papers which my husband has been very supportive about but that is digressing.

Up to this point whenever I tried talking sensibly about his attitude and my concerns about having children because of this he would just chuck in my face that as I had a child that is now back in my life again I didn't really want any more children. As you can imagine this was hurtful particularly as we have had plenty of years to discuss about having children which has included the adoption and fostering side of things if we didn't have any of our own.

My counsellor came round last Tuesday so it was a good opportunity to bring up the subject and she asked a good question - would he still feel the same if our child was adopted (by us rather than our biological child)? He said probably not and she asked him what the difference would be apart from the child being adopted rather than our own biological child and he replied there was no big difference really. Ultimately it has made him think about his own insecurities and talking to the counsellor really helped as he admitted he was being selfish in some respects. She even brought a good point which I agreed with that in a way he is trying to make me choose between him and 'my son'. I love my husband dearly and want my marriage to survive but on the other I am not going to reject my bson.

Since then things have got better and my husband is talking more about how he is feeling which is a big relieve to me as that is half the battle.

Montravia

[SchmennaLeigh]

Good to hear, Montravia!!!

[Montraviatommyg]

Has anybody been through an hysterosalpingogram? Although I have been told what to expect at the hospital I'm now worrying about it as I've got an appointment for it to be done on the 2nd March.

Montravia

[Montraviatommyg]

Had good news today as I've had my hysterosalpingogram and everything is okay. My right tube was slightly blocked but was cleared by the dye.

Montravia

[grinch]

That is great news! Did they say if the blockage may have been an issue?

[Montraviatommyg]

No, thank goodness and now it's cleared it makes my chances better for getting pregnant . Glad that test has been done though as it was painful and I wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. Mind you if men did they would be put off having children for life .

Montravia

[Montraviatommyg]

I'm even more convinced today that if men had to go through what we do just to get pregnant that there wouldn't be a human race so I wouldn't be here whinging about the indignities of it all. Today I had a pelvic scan but as my ovaries weren't 'showing' up on the scan I had an internal one done. It didn't hurt - just uncomfortable - but would rather not have gone through that. Afterwards my husband found it funny and has been teasing me about it. Anyone want to adopt my husband? I'll pay for him to be taken away .

Philippa

[Ragnarok]

I should probably act offended, but I think you are right.

[hopeful0712]

Montravia,
Does he do dishes and laundry? If so, let's talk (hehehe).

Ragnarok,
You crack me up!

[Montraviatommyg]

Ragnarok, you've brought a smile to my face, I couldn't live without my husband as llife would be too quiet .

Hopeful, my other half does actually do the hoovering and dusting as I suffer with hayfever and even dust sets me off sneezing so he is good for something. Whoops am I getting a bit too personal here? . (LMAO)

Philippa