[kiwi]

This forum is for borthparents trying to conceive (TTC)after the placement of a child into adoption.

There are many unique situations and emotions for birthparents who are TTC. Please share your concerns and experiences here.

[BrandyHagz]

Great Forum Sarah...secondary infertility after placement is sometimes a VERY bitter pill to swallow.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Sarah,

You seriously just made me cry.

Thanks for hearing my little voice. This means more to me than you will EVER know.

*sending hugs*

[FL_GirlByProxy]

What a great thread, thanks for starting it. If only this, (and the internet) were here when I was going through it.

Four years after placing my birthson in a closed adoption, 20 years ago this year, I married a wonderful man. He was not the birthfather of my birthson. We wanted to begin a family very soon. Starting around a year after we were married, six months of trying and no results. We sought help at that point. The doctor ran all the tests, husband first because I had already had a child, and he turned out just fine. Then we endured more tests, very hard to go through, and the doctor decided to start me on chlomid. He told me to call the office after the start of my next cycle. I thought, "Great, someone is solving this problem for me. I don't have to think about it anymore. It's going to happen." This was at around the 13 month mark of trying. Long story short, my cycle never came, instead of calling him to start the chlomid, I had to call the doc's office and let them know I thought I was pregnant. I had a positive result at home. Eric was born 9 months later. 3 years after Eric, we wanted another child, and that time it only took us 4 months to conceive. Eric and Kristen are 3 years and 10 months apart. I have no idea why it was difficult to get pregnant my second time. I know 13 months doesn't sound like a really long time, it's just a mystery to me how the times can be so different when you're trying, and why birthmoms go through this so often. Just my thoughts.

[79nic]

Hey Jenna,

You said to me once that we are soul-sister birthmoms or something, cuz our stories are similar. (Long time ago.) Well, just wanted to let you know that Matt and I also started TTC very soon into our marriage, and thus very soon after I had placed Marie, too.

I did not have trouble getting pregnant the second time around... not sure if you're having problems or not (you have only been trying a couple weeks according to your sig line, right? so I guess it's too early to tell). But did I read somewhere that you have health issues that make it better for you to have kids young? Hmmm. That part I cannot help with, but if you ever want to talk about emotions during a post-placement pregnancy, let me know.

((hugs)) and good luck,

Nicole

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by 79nic

But did I read somewhere that you have health issues that make it better for you to have kids young? Hmmm. That part I cannot help with, but if you ever want to talk about emotions during a post-placement pregnancy, let me know.

Yes. After a huge run of tests earlier this month, we found that the ureter out of my right kidney is significantly smaller than my left which is why my pregnancy with Munchkin was so complicated. (The uterus grows and cuts off the ureter, causing back up, infection and swelling of the kidney. Kidneys can only take so much of that.) Our doctor has instructed us to have any and all children in the next five years (sooner is preferred) but "no pressure." Right.

So, Josh and I are now trying. January is a no go and not that we thought it WOULD be as we have just gone off birth control. (But it didn't hurt to "try." )

In the future, my kidney will most likely poop out. Thankfully, a person can LIVE on one kidney (my grandpa does; obviously, this is genetic). However, you can't have a successful and healthy pregnancy without putting your life and the baby's life in danger with only one. So we're sort of racing the clock. Which is putting added pressure.

I'm going to start a thread about our journey. Including back history. Fun times.

And Nicole, thank you so much for your offer to talk to me about emotions. I WILL take you up on that. I'm so glad you're back. *sending hugs*

[Montraviatommyg]

Good idea this, I've been married 11 years and haven't conceived during this time. Over the years we have tried to get help and have probably heard just about every excuse under the sun for not getting help. These have included 'you need to lose weight', 'you're too old' (me personally) and 'you have had a child in the past so you wont be considered'. This last one hurt my husband as much as me as he doesn't have any children and it's not his fault my bson was adopted. Finally late last year we found a sympathetic doctor - we can't afford to 'go private' - and our local hospital doesn't have an 'age policy' so we are now looking forward to an appointment on the 31st Jan. We get one chance of help on the N.H.S. so are grabbing it - my bson knows about this and is happy for us.

Montraviatommygun

[Ragnarok]

Thanks for this forum Sarah.

My wife and I started TTC (half heartedly) last October. It is curious how when you are not trying it just happens, and then when you are ready for it to happen you have no idea how to actually make it happen. Apart from the obvious, I mean.

So far, I am not worried about infertility or anything. It has been a busy time of year, and we have not had as much practice as is probably required. We have not even worked out how long her cycle is. Is 38 days weird?

[SchmennaLeigh]

38 days isn't weird but just not the typical cycle. On birth control, of course, mine was the normal 28. Off bc, mine ranges (ew) from 32-36. (Depending on stress level, food intake and sleep.)

*sending baby dust to you and the wife*

[Ragnarok]

Yep, she was 28 on bc and cannot remember what she was before it.

Totally seriously now, I am wondering if intercourse can trigger miscarriage. Because it did seem like a longer cycle than the previous months and her period happened to arrive right after some enthusiastic practicing.

[cathy102]

38 days is not normal.. Hmmmmmm!! Has she went to her Doctor about the situation???? I am the same age as your wife. My hub and I tried forever before going to a Specialist... They still can't find one thing wrong with either of us (and we did 2 IVF's)... But I am just thankful to have my 2 kids...

Good luck to you and your wife having a baby...

Cathy

[Skye Hardwick]

Great - glad to see this board! Can't wait for the day when I can join as a poster (other than this one post, lol)

Skye

[cathy102]

Originally Posted by Skye Hardwick

Great - glad to see this board! Can't wait for the day when I can join as a poster (other than this one post, lol)

Skye

We welcome all your posts, Skye... Your posts are just awesome...

Cathy

[SchmennaLeigh]

Brad,

Does your wife have an account at any websites that help with charting? (Google Fertility Friend.) Since we're just coming off of birth control, that explains the shift from month to month in my cycle. Of course, I was never, ever a 28 day cycle before BC so I wouldn't expect to be now. Many pregnancy sites that don't do the tracking for you list cycles from 25 days through 42 so your wife isn't horribly abnormal. Just different.

Skye - can't wait for you to join us, too.

As for me, we're starting to add in the temperature taking along with our charting this month. I'm sure I'll be adding more to my thread so far and my journal as this continues. I used to have to chart my morning temp in college when I was being tested for hypothyroidism (maternal side of the family) which, so far, is a negative! WOO! I have a HORRIBLE time at remembering to take my temp. Even with the thermometer sitting on the night stand. I apparently need to wear it on my necklace or something.

Okay, my insomnia needs to go away and I need to get some sleep.

PS - I miss having a glass of wine now and then.

PPS - Cathy, thanks for all your kind comments so far.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Oh and Brad, if this just recently happened, have your wife take a visit to the Doc. On my longer cycle months, sex almost always triggers my period. Josh laughs and says it was "stuck."

A miscarriage would be accompanied with cramping (more so than menses cramping). Still, it doesn't hurt to know what the heck is going on. Is she on folic acid (to prevent birth defects) and prenatal vitamins all ready? My trip to the OBGYN got me on all that all ready, so we're ready to GO whenever he/she decides it's time.