[Archive]

Originally Posted By Chris

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BIRTHMOM

Posted by tangled27@hotmail.com on Adoption.com adoptee board

Being a birthmom is never being able to look at a baby on the street without remembering.

Being a birthmom is flinching when someone asks you if you plan to have children and you don't know how to tell them that you already have.

Being a birthmom is being plagued with wondering if you did the right thing.

Being a birthmom is wondering if your child can ever know how very much you loved them.

Being a birthmom is like feeling less. Less of a person, less of a parent, less of a provider.

Being a birthmom is wondering if your child is thinking about you.

Being a birthmom is being silent because you can't tell anyone without knowing if they will hate you for what you did.

Being a birthmom is worrying that your child will not turn out okay if you keep them.

Being a birthmom is worrying that your child will not turn out okay if you give them up.

I am a birthmother. Maybe I was not your birthmother but the feelings I had when I held my baby in my arms were the same as your birthmothers because it is an impossibility that she didn't feel the same overwhelming love for you. If your adoption didn't turn out well, know that that was not your birthmothers intention. She loved you. She was plagued with self-doubt and didn't know if she was good enough for you, her precious child. She could not find one single thing that was wrong with you. There was only something that she felt was wrong with herself , her situation or her future. She didn't mean to gamble with your future by giving you up, she thought keeping you was a gamble with your future and she couldn't bear to do that to you. She was presented with two paths for you, and one seemed the road paved with certain happiness - two parents to love you who could give you everything you wanted. She looked down the road she was taking and saw a rocky path covered in fog. There are some mothers who choose the rocky fog-covered path , yes. But I couldn't do that. You were so precious, I gave you one last kiss and send you down a road I hoped would be filled with sunshine and happiness. Then I bent my head and made my way into the fog. I am sorry if you hurt because I didn't bring you with me. But I did. You are in my heart, you are in my head. But do not cry for my sadness or I will weep even more. For you, I will make my way through the fog and hope that way off in the distance our paths will cross and that you will have received all of the happiness I hoped for you. And I will strive to do whatever I can to make myself someone you will be proud to have emerged from.

Your birthmother loved you. Even if she is not actively looking for you there is not even a chance that she didn't love you. She thinks about you always. Believe me, I know...

[Archive]

For taking the "Liberty" to share this with us.

Thank you, again.

Much peace, Gypsy

[Archive]

Originally Posted By chrystal

Chris,
i've been wondering how my bmom felt, and reading that note, ...just made a big differentce. so..thank you. from the bottom of my heart.

Chrystal

[Tammy Callander]

What year was your child born in? Interested in finding my mother

[Tammy Callander]

Originally Posted by Tammy Callander

What year was your child born in? Interested in finding my mother

Also, I hope that my bmom feels the same way

[CrystalTippens]

Having been a birthmother for 12 years now I'd have to say that is exactly how I felt.

[janiej]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!
To both the "original" author, and to whoever it was who posted it here !!
Could have been written by any one of us I would say.
How amazing !!!!!
janiej

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Wow, what amazing thoughts, so artfully put into words. This goes way back to the year 2000, and it is timeless. THANK YOU to the author, and the one who posted this. They say every adoption is a little different, but as we can see and feel here, emotions can be so much the same.

[lyndalou]

What a powerful post! Thanks to whoever was responsible for it's resurfaceing. You too, LeeAnne!

[RiverGal]

Wow! Such sage words. Glad the thread has been bumped back so many have the chance to read something so encouraging and beautiful.

Thanks!

~Deb

[skinnylou]

Wow! What a wonderful way to describe the very things we as birthmoms many times can not find words that fit! Thanks!!!

[bmjenks]

Originally Posted by Archive

Originally Posted By Chris

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BIRTHMOM

Posted by tangled27@hotmail.com on Adoption.com adoptee board

Being a birthmom is never being able to look at a baby on the street without remembering.

Being a birthmom is flinching when someone asks you if you plan to have children and you don't know how to tell them that you already have.

Being a birthmom is being plagued with wondering if you did the right thing.

Being a birthmom is wondering if your child can ever know how very much you loved them.

Being a birthmom is like feeling less. Less of a person, less of a parent, less of a provider.

Being a birthmom is wondering if your child is thinking about you.

Being a birthmom is being silent because you can't tell anyone without knowing if they will hate you for what you did.

Being a birthmom is worrying that your child will not turn out okay if you keep them.

Being a birthmom is worrying that your child will not turn out okay if you give them up.

I am a birthmother. Maybe I was not your birthmother but the feelings I had when I held my baby in my arms were the same as your birthmothers because it is an impossibility that she didn't feel the same overwhelming love for you. If your adoption didn't turn out well, know that that was not your birthmothers intention. She loved you. She was plagued with self-doubt and didn't know if she was good enough for you, her precious child. She could not find one single thing that was wrong with you. There was only something that she felt was wrong with herself , her situation or her future. She didn't mean to gamble with your future by giving you up, she thought keeping you was a gamble with your future and she couldn't bear to do that to you. She was presented with two paths for you, and one seemed the road paved with certain happiness - two parents to love you who could give you everything you wanted. She looked down the road she was taking and saw a rocky path covered in fog. There are some mothers who choose the rocky fog-covered path , yes. But I couldn't do that. You were so precious, I gave you one last kiss and send you down a road I hoped would be filled with sunshine and happiness. Then I bent my head and made my way into the fog. I am sorry if you hurt because I didn't bring you with me. But I did. You are in my heart, you are in my head. But do not cry for my sadness or I will weep even more. For you, I will make my way through the fog and hope that way off in the distance our paths will cross and that you will have received all of the happiness I hoped for you. And I will strive to do whatever I can to make myself someone you will be proud to have emerged from.

Your birthmother loved you. Even if she is not actively looking for you there is not even a chance that she didn't love you. She thinks about you always. Believe me, I know...

your message touch me . everything you wrote is true im a birthmom and i think bout my daughter everyday . and i hope 1 of these day we will find each other and it is true that you wonder how she turn out i'll be watching tv and sometimes i see these young ladies that my daughter age now and wonder if that could be her you just dont know

[janiej]

Dear bmjenks
I know exactly what you mean about watching tv & seeing someone.
For years there was a certain country singer who I was "positive" was my son !! Alot of characteristics of both myself and bfather, born "around" the same time (I checked his bio on the web - got a little "obsessed"),
never took it any further than that, but you know what I mean.
I know you never stop "wondering". I looked in crowds for 39 years, some people "stopped me in my tracks" when I would look at them. Had to be careful they didn't think I was "stalking" or something !!!
Glad to hear since I joined the forum that it wasn't just ME that was doing stuff like that.
When you're alone out there & don't know what you're "suposed" to be feeling, it can get really strange & hard.
Thank God I found this place.
Don't ever give up your dream of meeting your daughter. I gave mine up, and 39 years later was found!! So - miracles truly do happen.
Bless you & keep writing.
I've only been here since Dec also, and I can't tell you the "difference" it has made in my life !!!
Loads of "help" here , even just knowing others feel the same. The "letter" really got me too - was everything I had felt all those year, but no way to express it !!
janiej

[lyndalou]

Dear Janiej, This happened to me too & for many years I searched the crowds for my boy, especially when he was little. I placed him in Mass. & later moved to Canada.... knowing all the while he could be anywhere, I continued to look. He found me when he was 37! And he had settled not far from where I had placed him. I truely felt like a miracle had happened. Aren't the forums great? Welcome to our community!

[janiej]

Dear lyndalou:

That is wonderful !!! Are you presently in reunion with him? It's great to find people like you who have "dealt with it" for so many years like I have. (Although the help from everyone here is awesome !)

I have so many questions & "insecurities" in this reunion, though everything is going better than i ever could have imagined !!
My son was adopted by wonderful parents only 19 miles from where he was born & placed, which is about 10 miles from where I have lived all these years.
Many times over the years I traveled back to where he was born (home for unwed mothers), don't know why, would drive past the "home", go to the local church there, etc. Just a "gravitational" thing I guess.
When we met this summer, I couldn't believe that I had literally driven only 10 miles from his house every time I went back there . I had just "assumed" he had been placed hundreds of miles from that "home".
Amazing, isn't it??
Would love to hear more of your story, if you want to share.
Looking for "help" in the reunion process.
Janie