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Originally Posted By Naomi J smith

This is a tough time of year for me and has been for almost 36
years. Bdaughter was born 2-12-63. She was adopted by a very nice couple (I know their names, but not where they are) I, too, was too young (19), had no support from family and when I had decided I wanted her back approx a month later, I couldn't do it after spending time with her at her home. I realized that love was not enough. She had everything, 2 loving parents, a wonderful home and nursery (stability) and I had no way to support her. It still hurts for me at times, but I
knew at the time, after talking with the adoptive parents
and seeing for myself she would be loved and well cared for. I signed the final papers. I asked the couple to please tell her that I did this because I loved her. I pray that message was passed on. In 1990 I almost died twice due to a brain tumor and I believe that God did not take me and allowed me to
live (Drs. said it was a miracle)for a purpose and that purpose is to give me a chance to find my daughter. I have 3 sons who also wish to meet her. I have registered with ISRR and hope someday soon to reunite with her. Do not want to take her parents' place, but would like to have contact with her, either by phone, letters, in person, whatever she is comfortable with.
I really could use some words of comfort at this time. I'm truly grateful that there are places like this where I can actually talk about this freely and would love to hear from others who are approximately my age,55, that have and/or are going through the same. Thank you for listening. Happy Birthday Margaret, I love you.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Carol Bird, Birthfamily Support

How long ago did you join the International Soundex Reunion Registry? At age 36, I can't help but wonder if your daughter attempted to find you over the years and perhaps had given up the search.

I would advise that you place your information on as many Registries as possible. Since you know her family name, I would also check the national phone directories; there are directories available on CD and diskettes., and many of the search engines offer directory searches. Maybe you can find your daughter's parents or relatives and through them, her.
They may have moved out of state. The directories make it quite easy to find people.

My daughter didn't seriously search for me until a TV talk show publicized Adoption Reunions back in 1986. She was 32.
I had been registered since 1975 without response. One phone call and my daughter had her answer. The doors are wide open today. Your daughter is probably well acquainted with the reunion movement and might already be registered somewhere.

I suggest you take steps to open every door to your identity as possible. Check out Pat Dorner's Forum of Search Questions on this site for some hints on steps to take.

You sound quite sensible, and I applaud your decision to let your child remain with her adoptive parents. I know how heart breaking that was for you, but at least you've had the comfort of knowing that she is part of a loving family and had a secure childhood. I'm sure your daughter's parents made her aware of the sacrifice you made ... my daughter's parents did and I'm forever grateful.

I do believe you are meant to reunite, and I hope our website can help you realize your dream. Please keep me posted on your progress. I'm here to answer questions and offer advice whenever you feel the need.

Hugs, Carol

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Lara

I hope you find "Margaret" and tell her you love her.

I am a 30 year old adoptee. I tracked down both my birthparents within the last two years. My birthmother
was so glad that I "wanted to know her".

I had always known that I was adopted, and my parents were always very supportive of my wish to search. (This world would be a better place if all adoptive parents supported their children).

My birthmother told me that she never felt like she had the right to look for me after giving me away. I would have loved to have heard from someone that she wanted to know me. There are so many uncertainties for adoptees.

If you can find her address, I suggest that you write her a letter. Tell her how you feel and that you welcome any contact with her. She may or may not respond; but I know I would have been so excited to get a letter from my birthmother.

If she does respond, and you do meet her, let her set the pace for the relationship and don't expect her to say I love you right away.

Good luck to you both!!