[raybuffer]

I will post this thread in each of the triad's forums (total of 3). I am wondering if there are any Birth Parents who have adoptees with sealed records, that are curious to know the information that is sealed and what reasons you would have for being curious and what rights you believe you have to the information. Birth Parents only, please.

Ray Buffer

[Missy M]

Hi Ray....I am a reunited b-mom to a 31 year old daughter placed at birth in a closed adoption. After I reunited with my daughter she shared a lot of untruths that she said not only were told to her but also that she swore were on her birth certificate that her parents conviently misplaced.... They told her I was 19, married and she was born of an affair. I was 16, single, and deeply in love with her b-dad. They also told her she was born in Cali....NOT! After hearing all the lies I felt confused and needed to prove to myself that she was indeed my child. For that reason I got her b/c and later did DNA testing. On an emotional level, I wanted EVERYTHING attached to her that I had to hand over at the placement. I just needed to see and touch and reconnect with the moment....sound silly? You bet, but it was soooo uplifting.

[kjm69]

Ray,
I am also a B-mom re-united with my daughter born in 1969. She was not lied to and everything she knows is correct although I also have an overwhelming desire to acquire all information from that time. Including her correct and official birth certificate with myself as her mother and her B-dad. We were both 17 at the time of her birth.

Catholic Charities did the adoption and I have been back to the maternity home in Hyattsville, MD. with my daughter. I intend to request a copy of MY records or at least see and read them when we go back at Christmas. I also am preparing to request a copy of her birth certificate from Washington DC where she was born. We also had her baptised at the maternity home and I intend to get a copy of that record as well.

I am still angry to find out that the maternity home encouraged us to make sweater sets, blankets etc for our babies telling us they would go with them, 32 years later I find out it was a lie. I wish I had saved something, but the shame prevented me from doing it.

I am in total agreement that I have the right to any and all records pertaining to my daughters birth. My daughter paid $400 to the courts for the records to be opened. I think since all parties are now aware that the records should be ours to keep.

I know you are an advocate for open adoption records and I have read your posts. I too think they should be open, but only if all parties are agreeable, and after the child is 18. There are so many different stories, and a lot of pain involved. I would advocate intermediaries or "go betweens" if possible. It gives all parties time to think and prepare. We had a social worker who contacted me through a letter and I was able to call her or not as I wished. Of course I called.

Just some ideas.

For Missy: how did you get her Birth certificate?

Janet

[Missy M]

Janet....to answer your "how did I get it" question: I live and gave birth in Dallas, Texas. Early last year a retiring Judge agreed that if (a) all parties were over 21; (b) BOTH parties agreed, (b-parent and adult child; (c)proof of identity were provided, then for a mere $10.00 the b/c would be issued. My daughter and I had to go before a magistraste, provide the above and wait appox. 2 hours and we were given a copy of her original cert. Attached to it was a copy of her *altered cert.* which did indeed state that I was 19, married and a resident of California, and that she was my 3rd live birth...all false. The altered one contained her a-parents names and basically only gave her correct birthday, hospital, weight, and race. Had I seen a copy in another setting, I would not have known it pretained to my child; so I elected to have DNA testing which stated I was 99.0005% likely to be her mother......it cost $622.00 and took 7 days; basically I did that for her because the altered copy reinforced the lies she was told all of her life so she really didn't accept MY truth as truth. Hope I have answered you....Missy

[raybuffer]

Missy,

Thanks for your informative story. may I ask how it was discovered that the two parties were in agreement? Did you have a CI, or social worker who acted as a go between? Or was this through some state sponsored registry?

Thanks,

Ray

[Missy M]

Hi Ray......BTW: thanks for your kind comments on the other thread, and thanks for the reform work you do! To answer, there has never been a social worker or anyone else between us; after I made contact with my daughter who BTW lives less than 2 miles from me, and she told me all the myths and lies she'd been raised up hearing, I insisted we obtain proof. We just decided on our own to go down and get the copies. Luckily, Judge Hal Gaither was in the process of retiring and just decided to do this and an ad was placed in the local paper informing the city of his decision. It was very simple and my only problem was / is : if this is a legal document why the heck is it allowed to contain so much untrue info? Obtaining her true b/c in no way altered her life but had I refused SHE could never have obtained it on her own.....that to me is tragic. Missy

[raybuffer]

Ok. Got it. But how did you discover/contact your daughter? Did you see each other in a registry, or did you always know whom she was placed with? That is what I was wondering...where the discovery was made.

All The Best,

Ray

[Missy M]

My story is a complicated one.....I placed my daughter in a CLOSED adoption thru an agency; despite the agency doing extensive home studies and reinterating how "crucial" it was to keep everything so secretive, to the point of altering her b/c and issuing a new one filled with lies, my daughter was placed just 2 doors away from me with a member of my church. I always knew who and where she was BUT I never approached her so she and the a-parents never knew that I was her b-mom. I went back to Hope Cottage, the agency I used when she turned 18 to place a letter in her file should she ever search and again when she was about 24 and I needed to update the info I provided for her. At that time I visited with an intern social worker who asked how I knew her name address etc. I explained the circumstances and she became shocked, she was in fact in tears.... she would not confirm or deny what I knew but conviently left the room leaving the file open for me. I looked and saw the truth, one that I already knew. Later and off the record, she told me that the a-parents wanted a newborn black female and I happened to have the only one born within 11 months of them paying their fee.....(appox. $28,000) and that they were preparing to get it back (only agreed to wait one year) and look elsewhere. She explained that with that kind of money at stake, the agency was willing to do anything to satisify them and my being a neighbor was the least of their problems. That also explains the many lies on the b/c....
It was so hard watching her and not being able to claim her, but it was also rewarding because I knew where and how she was. One of the biggest issues we face today is that she now knows I was so close yet kept my distance. Ray, I was only 16....they had had a prior adoption recended and I was so afraid that if they knew they would take her and move away......I should have sought legal advice and sued.....but didn't want the baby to be moved away. So thats my story.....I have always known, my dad was her jr. high principal, my Mom her a-moms friend; but just *met* her 8 months ago.....Missy

[raybuffer]

WOW.

Quite a saga. I think some people in the below thread (I think it's titled, "Everybody will want to see this") would benefit from your story, unless you ahve already posted it there. I'm curious as to whether the church you mention was LDS? Just curious.

http://www.adoptionforums.com/showth...threadid=85052

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I can't imagine what that must have been like to watch her grow up, just out of reach.

My Best Wishes,

Ray

[Missy M]

No, it wasn't LDS....I am thinking that since my church had / has no bearing on my story I'll not go there, if you don't mind. I also want you to know that my e-mail address is on its way to yours since we have this diaolog going! Feel free to contact me anytime there. Thanks for the heads up on the next thread......Missy

[kjm69]

Hi Ray and Missy,

Thank you Missy for your information on the birth certificate. Your story is amazing. How wonderful to see her grow up, and yet how sad for you as well. I too want everything I can get ahold of to prove she really was born of me. I insisted she be baptised before she was placed and I am going to write for that document as well. I didn't need to prove she was mine, unfortunately she looks just like her Bfather! We wanted so much to look like each other, but it was not to be.

My daughter was born in Washington DC and I stayed at St Ann's Maternity Home in MD.

I guess my question is since she was born in Washington DC.
should I write to DC Vital records to get the BC? Do you know Ray if Washington DC is an open adoption area? Also should I tell the truth or pretend to be her when requesting the certificate? I don't want to "blow it" when I request the document

Thanks for any information
Janet

[raybuffer]

Janet,

Unfortunately D.C. is not open. And impersonating your child would be difficult unless you know her adopted name. Were you given a copy of her original BC when she was born? There would be a BC number on it that reamins the same with the amended version. I'm unclear which version of the BC you are wanting. The original is now sealed, from everyone. The amended is a matter of public record, but you will need to know the current name, date of birth, and possibly the county. Information below should be verified by calling the agencies involved before acting, Read below:


Overview of Washington, D.C. Adoption Information

Confidential Intermediaries must conduct the search.
Records are not publicly available.

§ 16-311. Sealing and inspection of records and papers.
From and after the filing of the petition, records and papers in adoption proceedings shall be sealed. They may not be inspected by any person, including the parties to the proceeding, except upon order of the court, and only then when the court is satisfied that the welfare of the child will thereby be promoted or protected. The clerk of the court shall keep a separate docket for adoption proceedings.

(Dec. 23, 1963, 77 Stat. 541, Pub. L. 88-241, § 1; 1973 Ed., § 16-311.)
§ 16-314. Birth certificates.
(a) Upon the issuance of a final decree of adoption, an adoption form shall be sent to the Registrar pursuant to the Vital Records Act of 1981. Unless otherwise requested in the petition by the adopters, the Registrar shall cause to be made a new record of the birth in the new name with the names of the adopters and shall then cause the original birth certificate and the order of the Court to be sealed and filed. The sealed package may be opened only by order of the Court or by the Registrar to properly administer the Vital Records Act of 1981.

(Dec. 23, 1963, 77 Stat. 541, Pub. L. 88-241, § 1; July 29, 1970, 84 Stat. 555, Pub. L. 91-358, title I, § 145(a)(2); 1973 Ed., § 16-314; Oct. 8, 1981, D.C. Law 4-34, § 29(f), 28 DCR 3271; Apr. 30, 1988, D.C. Law 7-104, § 4(e), 35 DCR 147; May 21, 1992, D.C. Law 9-101, § 2, 39 DCR 2146.)

Washington, D.C. Dept. of Vital Statistics
Vital Records Department
800 9th St. SW (9th and Maine Ave)
First Floor
Washington, DC 20004
(202) 645-5962
Make cashier's check or money order payable to DC Treasurer

Obtaining Identifying and Non-Identifying Information: There are no provisions for receiving information from files. All adoption records are sealed and cannot be opened without petitioning the court for "good cause."

ADOPTIONS FINALIZED IN WASHINGTON, DC

Adoptees, birthparents and birthfamily members may initiate a search by filing a petition (called a Motion to Break Seal) with the court that handled their adoption. You can prepare and file petition with the court. It is not necessary to hire an attorney to prepare and file the petition. Click the button below for more information.


PLEASE NOTE


If the court approves the petition, it will then direct the agency that handled the adoption to conduct the search. The charge for the search may be as high as $450-500.00.
GENERAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR MOTION PREPARATION
(adoptions finalized on/after 9/17/56)




The samples provided in these pages may be used as a guide for filing your Motion to Break Seal at the DC Superior Court.

The Motion must be typed, double-spaced, on 8.5 x 11 inch white paper.


If you have your Adoption Case Number, please include it with your Motion. If you DO have your Adoption Case Number, there is a $20.00 court fee for filing your Motion to Break Seal. If you do NOT have your Adoption Case Number, the filing Fee is $80.00 (extra $60.00 for unsealing the file to obtain the Case Number). For adopted people, your adoption agency may be able to provide your Adoption Case Number at your request, free-of-charge. Not all agencies are allowed to provide Case Numbers. Make certified check or money order (no checks) payable to DC Superior Court.

Send Motion to:



D.C. Superior Court
500 Indiana Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20001






NEARBY SEARCH AND SUPPORT GROUPS FOR YOU

Adoptee-Birthparent Support Network (ABSN of the DC Metro Area)
P.O. Box 6485
Columbia MD 21045-6485
phone: 202 686-4611
email: abowman@mail.loc.gov
(Anne Bowman)
(Serves DC, VA, & MD)

Metro Reunion Registry
6439 Woodridge Road
Alexandria, VA 22312-1336
e-mail: ebarnes@erols.com
(Earle Barnes)
Registry for those searchiing in the Wash. DC., MD, VA area. Free. Send SASE for a registration form.

Adoption Connection Exchange
1301 Park Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21217

ENCORE
101 Church Lane (meeting address)
Baltimore, MD
or write:
R.D. #8 Box 419
York, PA 17403
e-mail: EllenB717@aol.com
Support group for Baltimore metro area.

Adoptees-In-Search, Inc.
Joanne W. Small, Exec. Dir.
P.O. Box 41016
Bethesda, MD 20824

CUB
Box 15258
Chevy Chase, MD 20825

CUB
Marjorie Koch
P.O. Box 151
Mount Airy, MD 21777

Lost Or Found
7290 Shirley Dr.
Easton, MD 21601

Searchlight, Inc.
P.O. Box 441
Glen Dale, MD 20769

Adult Adoptees In Search
P.O. Box 203
Ferrum, VA 24088-0203

Adoptees & Natural Parents Org.
949 Lacon Drive
Newport News, VA 23602

Adoptees Support
8630 Granby Street
Norfolk, VA 23503

Parents & Adoptees in Search
Barbara Leonard
3932 Durette Drive
Richmond, VA 23237

Parents & Adoptees Together
7608 Hillside Avenue
Richmond, VA 23229

Adopted Bikers ASSN
P.O. Box 36317
Richmond, VA 23236-6317

Good Luck,

Ray Buffer


Keep Hope Alive,

..............................…Ray Buffer

Ray was born September 2, 1969 in West Palm Beach, FL (http://adoptee.cjb.net) and is the Moderator of Adoptee Activists on Yahoo at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adopteeactivists
This Petition deserves your support: http://originalbirthcertificate.cjb.net
OVER *4,900* SIGNATURES AND COUNTING!
What's this petition about? Got to: http://civilrights.cjb.net
Download our paper petition by clicking: http://www.change.to/paper
The Adoptees' Caucus for Truth: http://www.caucus.cjb.net
A New Florida Registry: http://www.reunited.cjb.net
Have an Adoption Reform Website? Join this Web Ring: http://start.at/way
Ray's Professional Site: http://raybuffer.com

STAND UP FOR AN INVISIBLE MINORITY! YOU HAVE THE POWER TO RESTORE ADOPTEES' RIGHTS!

[kjm69]

Hi Ray,
Thank you for all that information!! My daughter and I are in reunion so I do know her name and of course date of birth. I am wanting to get the original birth certificate with just me and her on it. I imagine she would be listed only as baby girl.

I spoke with her through email and she has provided me with all the information she has when she did the search. So I have addresses and phone #'s. She did indeed pay $400 to "open" the records. She said technically they are not really open. Her adoption was done through Catholic Charities and they are the ones that she contacted and paid to open the records.

I assume I will just go back to the original people and request a copy. Since the money has been paid once I can't imagine they can charge me as well.

Just for fun my husband said to go ahead and send $20.00 to Washington DC vital records to see if I could get it on my own using my maiden name. I sent it yesterday--we'll see.

Thanks for all your help. Are you an adoptee and have you found your birth parents?
Janet

[raybuffer]

It is my understanding that if a reunion has transpired and a BC is requested, the courts will usually comply, So I hope things work out.

I am an adoptee born in Florida, still searching. Unfortunately Florida does not offer the CI option of paying $400 to pursue opening the records.

Happy Holidays,


Ray

[snuchida]

I know I lost my rights when I gave up my daughter 29 years ago but if any woman that had a child has a lost a maternal feeling when you give up a child.I was only 15 years old and was raped by a man whom also raped his own sister.His sister's husband did the honor and killed the man.He will never hurt another woman.I had 2 more children which they are grown.I also have a granddaughter. But you never forget your children.