[Dreamon035]

Hi, I'm a bmom searching for her bdaughter. She was born 3/19/1960 in New York City at St. Clare's Hospital. Catholic Charities handled the adoption. Name at birth Deborah Ann DiGiovanni. Need some help with this search!
Anyone with info please e-mail.
Thanks,
Carol Ann

[Carol Bird]

What have you done in your search so far, Carol Ann?
Give me some idea and I'll make some suggestions.
Hugs, Carol

[Dreamon035]

so far, I registered with ISRR, I registered with NYS adoption registry, I sent for information from St. Clare's Hospital, and I contacted Catholic Charities for adoption data. All with no Avail. I don't know where to turn now. Please Help!!!

[Carol Bird]

Hi Carol Ann.
From what I gather Catholic Charities has to accept a letter from you to your birthmother for their file on you. In the event that your birthmother contacts them, they are supposed to serve as a go-between, forwarding letters. If they have not explained that to you, you should phone and ask to talk to a supervisor.

Have you posted at http://www.adoptionreunion.com ?
That's Adoption.com's registry and it is highly successful. ISRR is one of the best.

The 1950s and 60s were really tough times to be an unwed mother, and judging from the name you had, there's Italian in your family and that can be even worse: Italian Catholic! My Father was Italian American and I never told him about my pregnancy with Susan. I had hoped to tell him when Susan and I reunited, but he died just after I registered with the registry that is now ISRR in 1975. I wasn't afraid to tell Dad...I was ashamed!
I know now that that was a horrible mistake, but back in 1953 when I conceived my daughter and 1954 when she was born, it was a very shameful position to be in. My Mother knew about my pregnancy and, in fact, arranged Susan's adoption. She and Dad divorced when I was two and I lived with him until my mid teens.

Chances are that your birthmother believed what they told her ... that she'd never see you again and that it was time for her to "go on" with her life.

Even today, she may still be hiding her secret for fear of destroying whatever she's made of her life.

We'll never know until you reunite.

Please go to our Library and print out a copy of REUNION SOCIALIZATION and the TOP TEN WAYS TO A SUCCESSFUL REUNION. There are other articles that can help you to understand more about the search and reunion process.
There are guides to searching to be found in the Adoption.com library, too. http://www.adoptionlibrary.com

There is a Passive Registry in new york... Perhaps you can post your information. Won't hurt to check it out...
Adoption & Medical Info Registry, Dept of Health, Public Health Representative, Corning Tower, Room 208, Albany, NW, Ph 518 474-9600

Sorry, I have to run. I'll add more to this later.
Hugs, Carol

[Dreamon035]

Carol B, I am the birthmom!!!!

[Carol Bird]

Oh, Good Heavens ... what a confusing response I wrote. I must have been overtired or having one of my frequent "Senior Moments."

I'm sorry. What I wrote, however, still applies whether you're birthmom or adoptee.

Have you gone ahead and run a search on the various on-line Reunion Registries? Since your daughter is 32 and is probably settled in her life, she might have registered at one time or another over the past ten years. Check and see, and if there's no match, post your info on as many of the Registries as possible.

The Adoption.com/adopting.org Registry is one of the largest and most successful on The Internet, and eventually everyone seems to make his or her way to it.

As I have suggested to others, there are many articles in our library: http://www.adoptionlibrary.com that can provide you with the special support you will be needing. Be sure to print out a copy of the TOP TEN STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL REUNION and REUNION SOCIALIZATION. These are two very helpful pieces that should be read over and over again during the stressful times of search.

But those are just two of many helpful articles.

I wasn't very well prepared for what I was about to face when Susan first contacted me in 1986; the Internet wasn't opened to the public yet and there weren't many books about reunion available. Those that were, unfortunately weren't publicized much at all. It is ROUGH going during the early years even if you ARE prepared, but at least you can be forewarned of the problems that might arise.

Even now I find books like Marlou Russell's ADOPTION WISDOM, Nancy Verrier's THE PRIMAL WOUND and other "mainstays" to be extremely helpful when I hit a snag in the reunion.

(Fortunately that doesn't happen much these days.)

You DO need a lot of patience! Reunions need to be worked on all the time. We need to learn about our child's life and we need to understand their connection to their adoptive parents. There's a lot ot learn---we've missed a lot of years in their lives.

I found Therapy to be lifesaving during the early years and wish someone had nudged me into it long before 1986. There are SO MANY issues we need to resolve, and it is helpful to resolve as many as possible BEFORE reunion.

One means I found VERY helpful, Carol Ann, is my time moderating the on line Forum and the Chatroom I had for several years. The Forum and the Boards give us the opportunity to interact with other birthmothers (and adoptees and even occasionally with adoptive moms). I found this to be a life saver for me because before I could respond to their letters, I had to dig deep into my own feelings and experiences. You'd be amazed how many answers we find for OURSELVES when we are searching for answers for others.

I do suggest that you contact Colleen Buckner, our "search guru" here on the Forums. She may be able to give you some ideas to use in your search.

Keep in mind that not all adoptees are raised in the state from which they were adopted. While my daughter was adopted in Illinois, she was raised in Michigan. A neighbor of my Mom in the 1950s adopted a baby girl, and when she was around 5 they moved from Chicagoland to California. I imagine there are many cases like that.

Please keep me posted about your progress and don't hesitate to contact me when you need to talk or need my input. You can reach me on this Forum or at mcbird@bellsouth.net

Good luck and hugs, Carol

[love4u]

carol ann;
i know your posting is rather old, but i just joined this forum, and was reading some of the different postings (in hope that one might be from my son.) your posting was interesting. i too am a birth mom. i gave my son up for adoption through catholic charities in iowa in 1973. i have registered with their state registry, and have tried to contact the social services office, but also to no avail. i too was at a loss for where to turn to next. i gave up for a long time, but have just found all this great info on the internet. being able to talk to others has been a god send for me. i never realized there were so many children given up for adoption! i have always felt like a lonner. i had no one to turn to, and now i see i am not alone.
i know that posting to all of these does not garentee that i will find my son, but it does help to know there are adopted adults and children looking for their birth mothers. all we can do is talkk to others, in hopes that our children are looking for us. i have no other place to turn to, because all i know about my son is that he was born on dec 31, 1973. not much to go on, huh? i just thought that knowing there are others in your same situation might help a little.
please take care and let every one know the entry door for your daughter will always be open.
(((hugs)))
leann

[Carol Bird]

I hope you've run a search on the free on-line Reunion Registries, Leann. There is a rather large one right here at adoption.com ... http://www.adoptionregistry.com

Also listings by year of birth and info on the agencies, etc.
The Isrr (International Soundex Reunion Registry), the oldest and largest reunion registry in the world, is also free. You can send a self addressed, stamped return envelope to ISRR (with a note asking for a registration form) : post office box 2312, Carson City, Nevada, 89702-2312. Once you return the form with what info you have, they will run a search to see if there is a match. If there isn't, they'll post your info.

IF YOU USE THE REGISTRIES, PLEASE REMEMBER TO UPDATE THEM PERIODICALLY AS YOU FIND MORE INFO, OR CHANGE ADDRESS, ETC.

When you log on to adoptionregistry.com you'll find some helpful information on searching and reunion, too.

Our library is great ... loaded with good articles that can help you understand what to expect.

Good luck ... I hope your child searches and finds you.
Hugs, Carol.

[love4u]

i have registered at adoptionregistry.com, and am putting the letter in the mail to isrr as soon as i get off the computer.
i know my chances of finding my son depend on him searching for me, but i pray someone eles might even see the info, and let him know i love him, and wish him well.
i cannot control what he does, but i can pray that my esp works and he picks up on the vibes... ;-)
thanks for mediating this forum. it will be a big help knowing i am no longer alone. i now have friends who know what i am feeling and going thru.
(((HUGS)))
leann

[tmpendell68]

Hello I read your post and did some searching for you . I found a lady born on same day that was adopted and raised in chatham new york records are sealed in hudson new york. But she is the only one online with same information as you and is searching for birth mom , her name is janice slater and she is registered on a different site. let me know if any of this helps you, Good luck and God Bless