[Carol Bird]

Welcome to the BirthFamily Forum for the older closed adoption era.

My name is Carol Bird. I have Hosted this Forum since 1996 at the adopting.org website.

I am a birthmother in the 17th year of reunion with my daughter, from whom I was separated for 32 years before reunion and am proud grandmother of two teenage girls who have grown up knowing me as their grandmother.

This Forum was set up to provide support and guidance to the older Birthmothers, Adoptees and Birthfamily members from the closed adoption era who are in search, reunion or are working their way through recovery and, hopefully, healing.

Those of you who are currently searching or in the process of reunion and are looking for guidelines, please pick up a copy of THE REUNION SURVIVAL GUIDE by J.J. Bailey & L.N. Giddens. This is an inexpensive booklet that can help you to prepare for Reunion and guide you through the emotional ups and downs. It is available at the adoption.com bookshop.

Also, print out a copy of the "TOP TEN STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL REUNION" from http://www.adopting.org/ReunionAdvice.html
and "REUNION SOCIALIZATION," http://www.adopting.org/ReunionSocialization.html
Both of these offer excellent guidelines for Adoptees and Birthparents in reunion.

If you prefer your message to be private, please feel free to write to me directly at mcbird@bellsouth.net.
My Homepage (addy below) is designed specifically for birthparents and adoptees only ... please check it out.
Hugs, Carol

[bmom2004]

I was awakened this a.m. around 3 and couldn't go back to sleep. During the time a lay awake the thought of reinstituting my search for my daughter came to mind and I got up and went to the computer. My previous attempts have been half-hearted. One problem has been that I have blocked out this memory so well that I am not even sure of the birthdate. I tried to confirm it by asking Norfolk General Hosp. where the actual birth took place. Their records don't go back that far. I was at Florence Crittenden Home, Norfolk, VA from October 1964 to April 1965. I think the adoption was handled through an agency in Danville, VA. That's about all I know. Can anyone help me? What should I do next?

[Carol Bird]

There are some good sources offered at http://www.adoption.com -- check out the Adoption Registry. They also have the Critterdon homes listed.

I also suggest that you put your information on as many registries as possible. If you don't have the exact date, you can use the month and year of birth to run a search on the various on-line registries.

There are guides offered, also.

We have a Search Guru who may be able to offer suggestions. Check out her forum in the Search & Reunion group of Forums on this site.

Good luck,
Hugs, Carol Bird

[Catherine1]

can anyone help me all the sites ive looked on is b/parents with olda adopted children. My b/son is 2 yrs old do ne1 know ov ne sites with b/parents bein seperated frm there children more my sons age. Im findin it really tough at the moment. Pls mail me at cath2k@aol.com Thanx

[Carol Bird]

Originally Posted by Catherine1

can anyone help me all the sites ive looked on is b/parents with olda adopted children. My b/son is 2 yrs old do ne1 know ov ne sites with b/parents bein seperated frm there children more my sons age. Im findin it really tough at the moment. Pls mail me at cath2k@aol.com Thanx

Cath ... Check out BIRTHANGELS@YAHOOGROUPS.COM

It is a nice group of young birthmothers who exchange experiences and photos of their babies, etc. I think you can relate to them.

Good Luck and Hugs, CAROL BIRD

[birth_mother]

Originally Posted by Carol Bird

Welcome to the BirthFamily Forum for the older closed adoption era.

My name is Carol Bird. I have Hosted this Forum since 1996 at the adopting.org website.

I am a birthmother in the 17th year of reunion with my daughter, from whom I was separated for 32 years before reunion and am proud grandmother of two teenage girls who have grown up knowing me as their grandmother.

This Forum was set up to provide support and guidance to the older Birthmothers, Adoptees and Birthfamily members from the closed adoption era who are in search, reunion or are working their way through recovery and, hopefully, healing.

Those of you who are currently searching or in the process of reunion and are looking for guidelines, please pick up a copy of THE REUNION SURVIVAL GUIDE by J.J. Bailey & L.N. Giddens. This is an inexpensive booklet that can help you to prepare for Reunion and guide you through the emotional ups and downs. It is available at the adoption.com bookshop.

Also, print out a copy of the "TOP TEN STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL REUNION" from http://www.adopting.org/ReunionAdvice.html
and "REUNION SOCIALIZATION," http://www.adopting.org/ReunionSocialization.html
Both of these offer excellent guidelines for Adoptees and Birthparents in reunion.

If you prefer your message to be private, please feel free to write to me directly at mcbird@bellsouth.net.
My Homepage (addy below) is designed specifically for birthparents and adoptees only ... please check it out.
Hugs, Carol

Hi! I am a birthmother in a private adoption.
This is my question, in my search or after my reunion am I allowed or should I give without permission the birth fathers info?
The birth father also signed the adoption papers.
We are not together today, but by listing his name on search papers it could make me easier to find.
I just don't know.
Like I said it was a private adoption and done in Indiana, closed adoptions.
Could i get in any trouble by revealing his info, I don't know if he wants to be found or not.
Any comments or suggestions welcome.
Thanks!

[Carol Bird]

I made contact with my daughter's birthfather shortly after my daughter and I reunited in 1986. I told him that she and I are in reunion and that she might be interested in also knowing him, so I thought I would alert him to the fact that she might make contact in the future.

When you list in any of the Adoption Reunion Registries all you need to provide is GENDER, DATE/CITY/STATE OF BIRTH/ and HOSPITAL, if you remember.

My daughter's adoption was also private and "closed" -- she was born in Chicago in 1954 and adopted from Illinois; however, the adoptive family were residents of Michigan. Be prepared for that possibility. Your adult child could have been raised in a nearby state.

Run a SEARCH on all of the reunion registries you can find -- BEFORE YOU POST YOUR INFORMATION. The adult adoptee might already be regestered. Keep some of your information to yourself until you're pretty sure that the found person is your child, and use the withheld information to be certain it's a match.

The Adoption Reunion Registry here on Adoption.com is quite good. It is both international and by state, so be sure to run a thorough search by birthdate.

I also suggest you post info on as many Registries you can find. I recommend the ISRR (International Soundex Reunion Registry), since it is THE oldest and largest in the world. They are not on line, but you can obtain a form from http://www.ISRR.org/ It's free, as are most of the on-line registries.

I suggest that you get to know the adoptee yourself before you introduce him/her to any other members of the bio family, including the birthfather. Build YOUR relationship with your child first ... even the first couple of years. I told my daughter all about her birthfather when we first reunited, but she wasn't interested in contacting him until the reunion was about three or four years old. I gave her his address and phone number when she said she'd like to search. However, it has been almost 19 years and as far as I know, she's never bothered to contact him.

READ as much as you can before you even think of reuniting. Sometimes birthparents rush into it when the adoptee is still too young to handle the stressful, time consuming experience. The LIBRARY and ARCHIVES of articles from Adoption Week E-magazine at Adoption.com
is a goldmine of wonderful support material and excellent articles about others' experiences in search and reunion.
I suggest you read as many of them as possible. There is also a section on Searching on this site that is quite helpful, too.

Good luck and HUGS,
Carol Bird (mcbird@bellsouth.net)

[goodmama]

Originally Posted by Carol Bird

Welcome to the BirthFamily Forum for the older closed adoption era.

My name is Carol Bird. I have Hosted this Forum since 1996 at the adopting.org website.

I am a birthmother in the 17th year of reunion with my daughter, from whom I was separated for 32 years before reunion and am proud grandmother of two teenage girls who have grown up knowing me as their grandmother.

This Forum was set up to provide support and guidance to the older Birthmothers, Adoptees and Birthfamily members from the closed adoption era who are in search, reunion or are working their way through recovery and, hopefully, healing.

Those of you who are currently searching or in the process of reunion and are looking for guidelines, please pick up a copy of THE REUNION SURVIVAL GUIDE by J.J. Bailey & L.N. Giddens. This is an inexpensive booklet that can help you to prepare for Reunion and guide you through the emotional ups and downs. It is available at the adoption.com bookshop.

Also, print out a copy of the "TOP TEN STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL REUNION" from http://www.adopting.org/ReunionAdvice.html
and "REUNION SOCIALIZATION," http://www.adopting.org/ReunionSocialization.html
Both of these offer excellent guidelines for Adoptees and Birthparents in reunion.

If you prefer your message to be private, please feel free to write to me directly at mcbird@bellsouth.net.
My Homepage (addy below) is designed specifically for birthparents and adoptees only ... please check it out.
Hugs, Carol

carol,
i'm new at this site. i'm not sure how to go about it and was hoping you could help. i am and always WILL be looking for my daughter i gave up 22 years ago this month. how do i go about that? i know EXACTLY what date, hospital, doctor even if it WAS a closed adoption-i'm hoping i could put something of me somewhere so she could find me.
thanks,
susan pool