adoption.com

adoption.com

 
JOIN 800,000+ MEMBERS JOINJOIN Cancel
image






Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums.
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #16  
Old 07-13-2010, 11:53 AM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
Unhappy

I am not giving up this time. I was granted a third appeal but it was too late to go thru with it...thank you for your feel back. you were right that is not what i wanted to hear... i am not a bad mother, i only made a bad choice and i know i deserve a second chance.
Reply With Quote
Pregnancy Information
Karen & Jay (MD)
are hoping to adopt
Karen & Jay hoping to adopt A Service of Adoption Profiles

  #17  
Old 07-13-2010, 11:59 AM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
I know that. I know he was the first and most important person in my life too... Thank you for sharing all ur comments with me...
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:03 PM
BethanyB BethanyB is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,416
Total Points: 57,801.95
Donate
Do you have any family support? Why didn't they look to your family members as a resource for your son? Was there no one in your family who wanted him? If a family member adopted him, you would still be able to be a part of his life.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:11 PM
wcurry66's Avatar
wcurry66 wcurry66 is offline
mom
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,653
Total Points: 177,342.89
Donate
I'm so very sorry for the pain you're going through. I can't imagine losing my child.

There was violence and poverty when I as growing up, but no one took us from my mom. Times are different, i guess.

As has been pointed out, if you are TPR'd and go beyond the appeal time period in your jurisdiction.. except for extenuating circumstance (aka, fraud), its impossible to turn over a TPR

Will the foster's adopt? If so, you have the opportunity to work into an OA with them (you mentioned they are relatives, not strangers).

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find peace
__________________
Nov 5, 2009 - princess moves in
Jan 14, 2010 - TPR, OA signed
Aug 5, 2010 - FINALIZATION

If you want to keep your memories, you first have to live them. Bob Dylan
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:11 PM
ladyjubilee's Avatar
ladyjubilee ladyjubilee is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,293
Total Points: 42,012.45
Donate
Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelymom009
I am not giving up this time. I was granted a third appeal but it was too late to go thru with it...thank you for your feel back. you were right that is not what i wanted to hear... i am not a bad mother, i only made a bad choice and i know i deserve a second chance.


I'm curious....Why do you "deserve" a second chance? What is it you've done that is so wonderful that you "deserve" a second chance? I'm not asking to be smart or mean, but perhaps that's what the court saw that would lead a judge to terminate rights and then deny two appeals. You may well *want* a second chance, but be honest, you don't "deserve" a second chance. None of us "deserve" second chances--none of us "deserve" mercy--well, let's be even more honest, none of us even "deserve" a first chance. The only person in a situation like this that "deserves" anything is the child who deserves a safe home.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:28 PM
Nicole28's Avatar
Nicole28 Nicole28 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,312
Total Points: 195,334.09
Donate
Here's an adoptee perspective:

Adoption, in my opinion, is about the child. I am fairly confident that the court system which is dictating the outcome of your case is focused on your child's safety, first and foremost, and so that is the reason why they believe adoption to be the best option at this time. As others have said, something that we do not know about has prompted the court to deny you the right to parent.

Whether you or others choose to agree with this or not, many individuals - especially women - who have been abused themselves either as children or adults will live their lives bouncing from one unhealthy, abusive relationship to another. There are many statistics to back this up. I imagine that the court is taking this into consideration also, because it's their job to make the best decision for your child in the here and now, but to also try and predict what will be best for your child in the future. If you were abused as a child, and then again as an adult, this is an indication that there are deep issues that you probably need to address. I understand that you have complied with all of the requirements put forth by the court, but that does not guarantee that you are emotionally able to raise a child. For many, the cycle of abuse is a lifelong issue.

I do not doubt for one moment that you love your child and want to be in their life. There is a saying that goes "love is not always enough," and while it is so cliche, it's true. I'm sure that, in some way, my biological mother loved me, but that wasn't enough - for some reason, unbeknown to me, she decided to relinquish her rights to parent. Perhaps she knew deep down inside that she wasn't ready or able to handle it emotionally.

The safety of your child is #1. It isn't about YOU at this point, you know? It's about your child. I am sure that you understand, as a mother, that this is the case. Giving birth does not make you a parent, nor does it give you automatic rights to be a parent.

Unless you're well aware of the facts and you're just omitting some of them on your posts here, I would ask your attorney WHY you've been denied reunification. I would ask her to state to you the exact reason(s) why the court has deemed you unfit to parent. Then I would ask your attorney to tell your options, if any.

I would also recommend that you seek counseling - it might be a good idea to continue with it as this is obviously a tough time for you. Perhaps your attorney or the county court system can help you set that up.
__________________
[font="Georgia"]If we cannot find happiness within ourselves, it does not make much sense to look outwards - Anonymous

PEACE: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:42 PM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
I totally understand what u are saying. i guess there isnt much i can do. but let my son be happy where is at. thank you so much for your feedback.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:45 PM
mommytoEli's Avatar
mommytoEli mommytoEli is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 9,168
Total Points: 95,721,983,763.04
Donate
Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelymom009
I am not giving up this time. I was granted a third appeal but it was too late to go thru with it...thank you for your feel back. you were right that is not what i wanted to hear... i am not a bad mother, i only made a bad choice and i know i deserve a second chance.

in california the appeal period is only 60 days. if you were granted a chance for a 3rd appeal and did not pursue it....the time is probably up for you. it sounds like it is too late to file for another appeal. at this point it may not matter how hard you want to fight or how much you do not want to give up....there may be no legal way to keep fighting. that is what you need to clear up with your attorney. i was under the impression that if you were granted an appeal....and then did not follow through with it(for whatever reason) the appeal period is over as of the date scheduled for that appeal hearing and the child is declared legally free for adoption unless you can prove there was fraud in your case. if there was no fraud, and your child has been declared legally free for adoption, i'm afraid it is just too late. but again....only your attorney can look at your case, know all the facts, and let you know for sure LEGALLY what standings you have.
__________________
GO TEAM!
Reply With Quote

  #24  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:59 PM
Drywall's Avatar
Drywall Drywall is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 985
Total Points: 23,899.74
Donate
Lonelymom, your attorney is the best person to give advice. She can answer all your questions. My suggestion is to write down your questions so she can explain all parts of your concerns. If you dont understand, ask until she can make a satisfactory explanation. Also she is the best person to provide a strategy for fighting the final adoption. i would count on her.

I wish you the best.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 07-13-2010, 01:00 PM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
Unhappy

I believe what u say is true, maybe it is too late. thank you again everyone for all your feedback this has helped Tremendously!!
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 07-13-2010, 01:01 PM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
Thank you Drywall!...
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 07-13-2010, 01:08 PM
loveajax loveajax is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,562
Total Points: 469,341.66
Donate
Lonely, have you ever seen an order (piece of paper signed by the judge) that terminated your parental rights? I guess I am confused about all the different "appeals." As I understand it, in my state, if there is an order terminating your parental rights, you would have 30 days to appeal it to a higher court (in CA, it sounds as if this time period is 60 days).

I think the most important thing to do first is to figure out if procedurally you CAN appeal the order (if there is an actual TPR order). Obviously, your attorney can answer this for you better than anyone here....
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 07-13-2010, 01:10 PM
Nicole28's Avatar
Nicole28 Nicole28 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,312
Total Points: 195,334.09
Donate
Quote:
I totally understand what u are saying. i guess there isnt much i can do. but let my son be happy where is at. thank you so much for your feedback.

I think it's good that you understand where everyone is coming from - but I hope that you consider further counseling. From what we've read here, it seems like your history of abuse is causing great issues in your life, and you can always stop the cycle of abuse and prevent it from ultimately ruling your life if you take the right steps.

For what it's worth...I don't understand why my biological mother relinquished her rights and decided not to parent. Obviously, if I knew the circumstances surrounding my adoption, I'd be able to formulate an opinion. However, I do like to think that my biological mother relinquished me for adoption because she wanted me to have the best life possible. So, I hold my biological mother in a high regard because I assume that she made the decision to place me for adoption out of love and concern for me. Until I know this to be untrue, I like to think that she had my best interest in mind, you know?

I suppose if you were to ever reunite with your son, and he asked you why he was placed for adoption, you can tell him the truth, and tell him that you fought for him the best way you knew how but ultimately you allowed him to be placed with his family because you wanted him to be happy and safe. I can respect that - and I am sure that when your son is older and if you do ever reunite, he will be able to respect that too, even if he can't understand it.

I do hope that you seek counseling - for issues related to abuse, but also because you should have support now that your son is being placed for adoption. There are a lot of really lovely biological mother's whose children were placed for adoption here on these forums, and they have a lot of love and support and insight.
__________________
[font="Georgia"]If we cannot find happiness within ourselves, it does not make much sense to look outwards - Anonymous

PEACE: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 07-13-2010, 01:22 PM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
Thank you so much!! that gives me alot of hope that maybe if my son finds out that he was adopted in the future that he will forgive me for not trying harder to protect him and to stay with me... thank you so much Nicole!! This really does help my emotional status right now. i still go to counceling when i can, only because is rather expensive for my pocket, well not so much but i am the only one providing for my self... but i will keep going. Thank you again!
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 07-13-2010, 01:23 PM
lonelymom009 lonelymom009 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
Total Points: 8,391.21
Donate
I will def keep asking my attorney on what else can be done and thank you again for you feedback!
Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:27 PM.