[kakuehl]

I wonder, in some ways my experience seems like it was easier than so many of you. I wonder if it was because: 1: no courtroom; 2: I was 21 and not coerced or forced; 3: I knew I would have support if I changed my mind. In those ways, my story is so different...

[JustPeachy]

I wonder, in some ways my experience seems like it was easier than so many of you. I wonder if it was because: 1: no courtroom; 2: I was 21 and not coerced or forced; 3: I knew I would have support if I changed my mind. In those ways, my story is so different...

I think not having to go to court was certainly preferable, and I was also over 18, so I wasn't forced. I do believe those things did make it easier ("easier" being a relative term here!) for me than if I was not able to make the decision for myself. I didn't have the family support, though, or the option to change my mind. I suppose I could have tried to manage on my own somehow, but I knew I simply wasn't ready to even be out on my own, much less with a baby to support. I wanted so much more for him. I have often felt like I regretted very much my circumstances, but not my decision. I still feel it was the right one at the time, but so often I've wished that those circumstances were different.

[Janeytwo]

((( Kathy )))

wonder, in some ways my experience seems like it was easier than so many of you....In those ways, my story is so different

Buddy, you know I love ya to death, so please don't take what I say next the wrong way. I've tried to figure out how to phrase things and the only thing I can do is paraphrase through story. So here goes:


I had two friends in my real-time life who were raped. (Though I'm sure I probably knew more they just never talked about it. ).

One was raped in college by a guy she'd been dating for 3 years who attacked her during a party where they were both drinking. She said no, he said yes. That was pretty much that.

The other was on Six Mile. She was in her driveway, unlocking her car to go to work one morning in the winter when a stranger came up from behind her, slammed her head into a brick wall, raped her and left her laying there by her car. Her dad found her 20 minutes later when he was coming out to go to work.

Do you know what the difference is between those two situations?

Nothing. Nada. Not one dang thing. Rape is assault.

And relinquishing a child is just as painful in your situation as it was in anyone else's.

Sure, the details might vary. One girl knew her attacker well. The other didn't know the guy at all. One girl was attacked in a warm dorm room; the other in an ice-covered driveway.

That doesn't change the violent intent behind what happened to them. The emotions, the fear, the long road back from what they each went through; that's the same path.

Don't do this too yourself. Your grief, your regret, your sorrow, your journey back to yourself and your son have every bit as much merit as anyone else's and deserves every bit as much respect.

((( Kathy )))

[Janeytwo]

JustPeachy

I regretted very much my circumstances, but not my decision. I still feel it was the right one at the time, but so often I've wished that those circumstances were different

Hey Peachy!!

This is so well put. That's exactly how I've felt so often. I do wish circumstances had been different but they simply weren't.

Sometimes, I feel it's hard for people like us; people who intrinsically know we made the best choice possible at the time we made it. It feels to me as if we're caught between the militant pro-adoption & anti-adoption movements. Everybody wants to give people room; except for us.

If we say we made the right choice, the "anti's" accuse us of feeding the machine - or worse. The "pros" hold us up as proof of the greatness of adoption without considering that maybe we don't want to be a part of either argument. That maybe choices are simpler than the politics that surrounds them.

I am not a political statement. I was a young girl trying to rectify a damaged life; damaged by circumstances far beyond my control.

But few see that. You, me, people like us......we're stuck there, between 2 screaming sides and nobody's really listening.

That's how it feels.