[Janeytwo]

Hey Mom,

I have been struggling with writing you and so perhaps this is one of those letters a person creates never meaning to send.

Still.....you have been on my mind quite a bit these past months and I've wanted to talk. But because you are a proud woman, your pride being all you had some years, it is difficult for me to speak to you.


So look, here's the thing.

It's not your fault, mom. It never was. Do you understand that?

Yes. I have been angry somewhere deep inside because you asked me to do something you yourself have said you could never do; relinquish your children.

I think your inability to continue communiating with me about A & R comes from your fear of that truth.

Okay. Let's face facts. It is a truth. There; now it's out in the open. Now you must let it go. Because your regret does neither of us any good. It doesn't change what happened and it doesn't change the fact that, in the end, the decision was mine. Not yours.

And like any other truth, it is neither black nor white but some illusive shade colored by the situation in which we found ourselves.

Heck, we both know the reality of what life was then. You had a choice to make. Sophie's choice. In order to help one child, you were told you would have to face losing the others. That's not a choice mom. That's an impossible situation; a storm sea in which one cannot tread water.

You did what you had to do. We all did what we had to do. Sometimes life comes down to the very base options.

You've spent more than half your life worrying about how to feed your children. I think that you, like many of us, have fallen victim to the voices who say that poverty is easily overcome.

You know what I say to those talking heads? "Keep yakking. Someday you might even say something worth listening to."

You were strong enough to stand; brave enough to weather violent days and faithful enough to embrace life despite that.

If it were not for your legacy, I would not have survived what I lost.

In spite of the pain adoption brought us both, I love you.


Your daughter Janey

[quantum]

((((Janey))))

[keds]

Janey, beautiful post. I was brought to tears, makes my life seem so tiny. I want to scream and shake people sometimes to let them know how "short" life is but your words are so much more effective so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Take care you. love Kate.

[Amandak249]

Beautiful and heartfelt Janey, and honest. Anyone can write a letter to a significant other ( whether it be a partner, sibling, friend or , in this case, parent) but few can do it honestly with non accusatory tones. It's easy to blame others, its easy to take all the blame yourself, but it's very difficult to understand that it takes two to tango.


I loved it!

[Janeytwo]

Dear Kate and Amanda,

Thank you both for your kind words in response to my post!!! :-)

It means a lot to me.

Oh and Amanda, "Catcher in the Rye" is one of my sister's favorite books.

:-)

Hugs to you both!