[Kris.lan]

Hi,
I am a 21 year old college student who has tried to contact my birth mother through my adoption agency several times, however due to a disconnect in the contact with the adoption agency this has been a very difficult process. Four years ago, my agent tried to make contact with my birth mother and she at the time was not ready for a reunion. Now after four years I have asked for the agency to help me try to make contact again however they have not be helpful and have stopped responding to my emails and phone calls. I am graduating college this semester and want my birth mother to know this even if she does not want to make contact. I have also written a letter to her which the agency never forwarded onto her.

I recently searched for her on the internet and found her information (address and phone number). The address I have found may not be accurate according to the website on which I located them. I want to send her my letter and a graduation announcement however I am afraid that these addresses are incorrect or that the wrong person may open them.

My dilemma is wether I should call her to tell her I want to send something to her and request a recent address or just hope for the best and mail it to her. Does anyone have any input as to what I should do. As I have never been in her situation, nor do I know anyone in her position I have no idea which would be easier for her to accept. Please please please some on help me out with some advice. This is an issue that I have struggled with for the last four years and I truly want to either meet her, even if it is only once, or send her my letter just so she knows what my life has been like.

Thank you to anyone with some advice!
Kris

[kellyd]

Hi! Have you tried facebook, mylife, or myspace? I feel that is a less personal/intrusive way to offer your availability, while still leaving the contact decision to the other person. I am a birthmom, and can not relate to not being ready yet. I spent 18 years, 2 1/2 months counting down every single day. Now I am waiting, but if/when she is curious, she will find me, I am everywhere online, just for that reason. I think you are very brave and have a great head on your shoulders- congrats on your education! When your time comes, she will be privileged to know you!

[sstuart]

I would definitely try again. I just do not trust the agencies and what they say. They may not have contacted her the first time. You could send the letter certified mail to her only. That way you know she got it. Or try the phone call.

I do not understand the not wanting contact either--but I have not walked in your bmoms shoes so I do not know what she has lived.

Congratulations to you on graduating college!! What is your degree. Continue to be the best that you can be.

[cetalley]

As a firstmom, this would be one of the greatest gifts, I could ever receive. Anything worth having , is indeed worth the work. Please contact her, just simply say what it is you have just stated...you wanted her to know and be willing to also state you do not intend to intrude, just thought she would like to know, and maybe tell her if and when...you are not going anywhere, and would be open for contact. I would cherish something such as this, and most likely frame it! I cannot of course know what her thoughts will be, but you lose nothing, just for trying! CONGRATS, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU...AND I AM NOT EVEN YOUR FIRSTMOM C.J.