[LasVegasMom]

I just wanted to update you all on my reunion story. First, a quick synopsis of my story. My son contacted me in December, 2007-he was 27 years old and we had a typical honeymoon phase of our reunion-which lasted quite a few months. He moved his family 2000 miles to be close to me, we had a lot of problems and bumps in the road until he almost died from an overdose in October, 2008. 1 week after he was out of the hospital, he literally ran back to his aparents. He acted like a spoiled brat during most of our reunion, and I let him act that way, he used me for many things and I let him use me. However, I just always felt that we had such a strong connection, of course being the addict he was, he used that to his advantage. The last straw was him contacting my employer and telling them so many outrageous things about me that I lost my job. So we had no contact for the last 3 months-none at all. I knew he was struggling with so much in his life but I just had to let go and let God, as they say. It was like relinquishing him all over again, it was so hard to not hear his voice, not know what he was doing, even though he had hurt me so much, I could not just turn off the love I have for him. Anyhow, he tracked me down and called me 2 weeks ago. We talked for 2 hours on the phone, most of the phone call was him crying to me telling me how sorry he was. For the first time in our relationship, I told him exactly how I felt during this last year and a half, how much he hurt me, how I feel like we really screwed up our reunion. I told him I never ever stopped loving him and I wanted a relationship but it would take me some time to trust him again, and we needed to work on OUR relationship before we let in all the other crazy members of our families. We agreed to baby steps, and we have been talking almost daily since. We both realize that we need this relationship to work, that it is what we both desperately need. I realize that he is not going anywhere and I don't need to enable him, and I can be 100% honest with him and he will still be here for me. I also realize that our relationship needs to be rock solid so we can withstand any family craziness. I am so much more settled in this new relationship now, and I feel like we will have the rest of our lives to be in each others lives. I know there will be ups and downs just like any other relationship but I know now that he is around to stay. I feel like I am really his mom again, not some crazy stranger. It really is an amazing thing, and I am so secure that this is the way it should be.

[cetalley]

Lasvegasmom, I am happy you are finding a more comfortable place for your reunion. I was always told, by my wonderful Dad..."it is only a mistake if one does not learn from it!" Sounds like a good starting point , with knowing of his addictions, and his ability to manipulate, is half that battle. BLESSINGS...C.J.

[RavenSong]

LVM, I'm so glad you shared the update with us about your son. I had a feeling he'd reach out to you. A lot of the yucky stuff he did a couple months ago sounded a lot to me like a hurt kid throwing a tantrum. If he didn't care about you, I don't think he would have put so much energy into making your life miserable. Does that make any sense, lol?

I love it that you're focusing on keeping the relationship just between the two of you for right now. I give that a big "thumbs up". It is so important, IMHO, to develop a strong foundation between birthmom and son before bringing in the rest of the family.

One thing I'd like to suggest is attending a meeting at Al-Anon. Living in Las Vegas, you'll have no problem finding a meeting at any hour, any day, lol. Al-Anon helped me immensely when my son was struggling with drug addiction. It really helped save my sanity.

[LasVegasMom]

Raven,
The tantrum thing, that is so right on. I told my son he was acting like a spoiled brat and of course I allowed him to act in this manner. The relationship is growing, my mom and entire family is holding their collective breath but I know that we are in each others' lives to stay and I can really let my guard down and be the mom he wants me to be and the mom i want to be to him. We need to foster this relationship to withstand all the outside pressures we will still face from his afamily and his birth family. I have realized he would not have put so much effort into making me feel miserable if he didn't love me and yes once my new job which i love by the way settles down, i will look into alanon.
Thanks

[austin0i]

Originally Posted by LasVegasMom

Raven,
The tantrum thing, that is so right on. I told my son he was acting like a spoiled brat and of course I allowed him to act in this manner. The relationship is growing, my mom and entire family is holding their collective breath but I know that we are in each others' lives to stay and I can really let my guard down and be the mom he wants me to be and the mom i want to be to him. We need to foster this relationship to withstand all the outside pressures we will still face from his afamily and his birth family. I have realized he would not have put so much effort into making me feel miserable if he didn't love me and yes once my new job which i love by the way settles down, i will look into alanon.
Thanks

LVM,

I am so happy for you and your son.

Of course he loves you and needs you. Also, kudos to you for knowing what he needed, like a true mother does. All the best to you and your son and what a great feeling that must be, knowing you have him back, never to lose him again.

Mother nature has righted herself and mother and son are together, where they belong.

Awesome!!