[Janeytwo]

Hey there (the "hey there" said in a small, wavery voice in the hopes that no one will hear or see this).

I had been loathe to begin a thread here in the forum because in the current political climate a person finds that anything they say brings controversy. And for those of us driving in the middle of the road, trying to see both sides while we navigate the potholes of life? Well...the world has become a dangerous place.

It seems all any of us have to do is mention in passing that we like Edam cheese and some crazy will ride in, spurs a'jangling' accusing us of exploiting the Dutch.

Sigh.... but I thought I'd risk it because this has weighed on me and I've so despartely wanted to share.


A week or so ago someone had mentioned something called "Gotcha Day". People had their varying opinions on the subject. I didn't personally have a problem with it. Well...that's not entirely honest. The name sort of creeps me out but that's chiefly due to my childhood history. However, that is my issue and I can't expect other people to understand who haven't been where I've been. To them, it's simply the term they came up with and that's cool.

Now there were people on both sides of this issue, quite understandably talking from their unique pain and/or experience. And that pain and experience is valid, IMO. We're all "folk" if you know what I mean.

But I thought of something that maybe someone else might have but was almost as afraid as I am now to post. And this is it:

Many times in the past 10 months or so, I've seen people proudly annoucing their impending reunion with their child. I've witnessed people posting pictures of that reunion. And I think that's wonderful.

But I'm sure that somewhere in the background there is an adoptive parent who is frightened, grieving perhaps, worried, threatened....etc., etc. by this reunion.

And on Gotcha Day there are adoptive parents proudly celebrating the union with their child while in the background a birthmother/father grieves, despairs and deals with loss and sorrow.

Both days...reunion and Gotcha Day....both days then bring pain for some and joy for others.

That doesn't mean that the wounded parties don't have a right to their pain, or that the celebratory parties don't have a right to their festive moment.

To me personally it simply means two things:

1. That parents want to celebrate the lives of their children.

2. That adoption is shadowed by deep emotion on all sides.


Maybe most will be infuriated by this but - IMO - as parents on both sides of the line - perhaps we have more in common than any one of us would've thought.

Just a thought for whatever it's not worth.


Cruisin' down the center of a two-way street
Wondrin' who is really in the driver's seat
Mindin' my business
Along comes big brother
Says' "Son, you'd better get on one side or the other"
I'm out on the border
I'm walkin' the line
Don't you tell me 'bout your law and order
I'm tryin' to change this water to wine

The Eagles

[-maggie]

Hey Janey!!!!

I think you are right on that it really doesn’t matter what you say there will be someone with an opposing view. That is what I appreciate about discussions, to learn a viewpoint I hadn’t considered.

In this journey of adoption, I think we can all learn a lot from the other sides of the triad.

Personally, I was happy that my daughter celebrated the day she came to her family. How could I not be happy for a day that means a lot to her! On the flip side….. the day she contacted me was one of the best days of my life!

IMO I agree that reunion day may be hard on the aparents just as family day is painful for the bparents. I also would hope that both days would be meaningful for the adoptee. That is what is important to me, my daughter.

[zxczxcasdasd]

Hi Janey!

Just wanted to say that I love hearing your perspective- it is always so well thought out and really trying to be fair to everyone. You've given me something to think about here. What you've said about reunion is certainly true. The fact that it's a wonderful thing for your child doesn't make the fears magically vanish. It's definitely a dichotomy between the celebration and the grief/fear.

Blessings to you!