[zxczxcasdasd]

They had no right to keep that letter from you, especially as long as you have been an independent adult. I don't understand it at all.

I'm angry for you. Sorry.

I hope that if/when your son decides to search for his bfather, they will be able to come up with the info they need.

[quantum]

Originally Posted by keds

she said she was "surprised" that I still thought of my bson! In her next breath she asked why I wouldn't give her his contact info (he hasn't said he wanted me to) as she has thought about him "over the years". UGH! Driving me crazy. Take care you!

I SO relate to this!!! That's what it's been a bit like. And, obviously they are much more affected from the situation than we are, right? They ARE the grandparents (sorry I really don't want to offend anyone out there...I'm just annoyed with my parents!).

I don't know if I'll ever get over her saying, 'You aren't going to tell your in-laws, are you? What will they think of ME! They might judge ME!'

[keds]

It is all about THEM, isn't it? No disrespect but my dad never really said much, still doesn't but my mom, as my brother has said, should have won the Oscar for best Actress and I would only have been nominated in a supporting role. He has told her "it isn't about you" but she has always had the dramatic flair. Perhaps one reason why I'm not too disappointed that my bson is not too anxious at meeting the extended family (he may turn tail and run!).

Actually, my mom wants my in-laws to know that bson is back in my life - she feels they ignored my pregnancy, went away for the last month so they wouldn't be here when he was born and never spoke of it again. I know it was just their way of coping. They have never mentioned him because it is too painful and, unless they ask, or he does, I will respect their wishes. I'm not as cynical as my sister, she feels mom just wants them to know so she can somehow generate more sympathy for her. I know she's "hurting" because she missed out on a relationship with her grandson but the years of feeling guilty about that are done as far as I'm concerned. With age comes clarity I suppose.

[josh1788smom]

Quantum - I feel for you sister. When you publish the "How to deal with your parents after adoption" manual - let me know - I'm in for a few copies.

Just wanted to add my parents' (acutally my mom's) favorite line that drives me nuts, so you all know - THEY ARE ALL NUTS!!!! (haha) My mom likes to tell me "you know, ALL our Grandchildren are in our will, that includes Josh." To which, I just reply, "obviously you have not done a good job at drafting a will, and you have been too embarassed to tell your attorney about your troubled daughter, because my 3 kids are small and I'll be dumbfounded if they are to find out about Josh by your Will reading.

[keds]

Josh's mom and Quantum - I'll take a copy of that book! My parents said the same thing when they "wrote their will". They asked all their children what they wanted (as far as their "stuff"). I said, I don't want you to embarass me or my children. I'm not sure how the will reads but my sister is the Executrix and she is discreet so I'm sure, unless someone contests it (not a lot of money involved) I doubt I'll ever know.

I hate to say this, and only would on the forums but I'm actually happy that our bson is only interested in meeting me, his sisters and, if my husband can come to terms (bdad). As time passes I may change my mind but I doubt it.

[quantum]

Yes, we'll see. I am a bit afraid that my son's stepmom will get involved. She's a LOVELY LOVELY person but she doesn't get the weirdness or pain involved that I have at all. She just wants to play happy families, the bigger the better.

I am not exactly sure what my parents will says. I think it might say something about 'all of my children' but I'm not sure and legally, he probably wouldn't have a claim.
We don't talk about such things, what a surprise?

My parents have spoken about taking their grandkids (this is pre-reunion) to Disneyworld as a treat when they are old enough to appreciate it. I actually think that would be a kind of a cool way for them to get to know their grandson (am I being confusing now?). I guess I'm thinking neutral territory, in a few years, he'd get to spend some time with his sisters.
But when I mentioned this to my mom she got a bit bent out of shape. Who knows!
I need the 'figure your parents out' handbook!

'Birthgrandparents for Dummies'

I've ordered a copy of 'Girls who went away' I'm going to read it, see if DH should read it. Thinking about it for my son's step mom and maybe my parents. We'll see! Could just be adding fuel to the fire.

Babble over..

[josh1788smom]

Quantum - I ordered The Girls Who Went Away. I read it furiously and gave it to my mom to read. She and my dad read it. I still need to get it back - she's bad at that kind of stuff. Then I asked her to read Primal Wound, so she could let me know if I should read it or if it would be too hard for me. I think I was being a little witchy because I have heard that is a hard one for birthmothers because of the pain of the child. I'm sure some deep seated part of me wanted her to read about the pain she caused him by her passive-aggressive "support" and other goofy behavior. Anyhow - she ordered 4 copies - one for her, one for me, one for the amom (which she has never given to her - remember this is an infamily adoption and the aparents did not play by the imaginary rules my parents made up in their heads about acting like they were Grandparents when they wanted to go to their town and act like Grandparents, but being spared the humiliation their trashy daughter had caused them if I actually raised my child.) - EWWWW - big diatribe there - can you see the deep rooted hostility???????? And the final copy is for the Adoptive Grandma - Who is my dad's aunt - another copy my mom has not mailed. HMMMMMMM.

I still have not seen a copy because my mom gave 2 copies to her friend - Her friend is an amom and her son is about 34. They both wanted to read it. I have not heard their commentary, but I would be interested, and I'd be interested in reading the book if the library of my mother could ever produce it.

[quantum]

I'm a bit scared for Primal Wound as well. My son doesn't seem to have any deep rooted 'issues'. I don't know if they'll come later or if it's possible to not have them!

I was thinking about your earlier posts j's mom and I was thinking 'wait, weren't your parents part of the whole h*** of your relinquishment?' Now I'm seeing it. They still wanted to be the grandparents.
Urgh.
I guess I was 'lucky' in a way. My parents had moved right after I became pregnant and I started college less than a month afterwards. So they could hide me. I guess I went away. People at my college knew. NONE of my relatives knew.
My mom said recently something about how she didn't want my grandmother to judge her either for not taking my son.
Urgh.
I'm getting your parents too J's mom!
Time to write my book...

[josh1788smom]

One of my Grandmothers knew. She was the one who brainstormed having Josh adopted by her nephew and his wife, and went to them first with her Brilliant plan. My other Grandma didn't know until after he was born, and I brought him home with me and told them all I was parenting - she wouldn't talk to me. My family was just full of support!!!!

I remember one day I was at my boyfriend's house, when I was pregnant, and his Grandmother was in town visiting, so he says to me, "I'm gonna have to take you home - my mom doesn't want my Grandma to see you are pregnant." Nice!!!

I need an autographed copy of your book. Can it say something like, "to my friend who would be treated better by strangers than her own family.........quantum". Yep - that would be a good personalization and autograph.

[quantum]

I just hope I can be a better mother...