[aclee]

But I really wanted to ask. My husband and I are writing our profile now, and I'm refusing to allow agency input on it. I basically told them that if they wouldn't take it how *I* wrote it, then I would use someone else. They want me to write it with what they "know expectant mom's like to read" I want to write it so that it is an acurrate portrait of our lives. One major bone of contention is my inital description of "us" I state that we are just regualr people who enjoy regular things. That we are not people who are world travelers, nor do we live in a million dollar mansion.

They want me to take that out since they think it indicates we are not "well off" and that is something many expectant mothers look for. We have plenty, we do well, and the rest of our profile indicates that. I don't want an expectant mother to pick us because we sound the best, and have the most money. I want her to pick us because of who we are. I wouldn't want her to have these high expectations of us, and then feel disapointed in her choice as contact continued (I want at least a semi-open relationship)

I would like some input on this. Did any of you read profiles on the Aparents you chose, that didn't really match up later. It like a big contest of who can sound the richest, and who can promise the most vacations and toys. My social worker said that since the majority of mothers are placing due to financial constraints, they want to place with a family that has "plenty of money"

What's the deal here? Should I beef up my profile? We are regular people, we'll travel some...trips to Disney and stuff, and we hope offer our children a lot of stuff we never had, like music lessons, or sports/dance lessons etc. I put all that in, but the social worker thinks exectant mothers won't get by that first paragraph.

What do you all think? I want to believe the right expectant mother is out there for us, with out us having to sound rich and snobby!

[Free_to_be_me]

Be yourself and try to portray that the best you can in the profile. When I was placing, I was looking for a family that was in about the same financial situation as my parents. I wanted my child to have the type of childhood that I had, not to live in a mansion, have private tutors and drive to the store in a limo... I wanted her to have more than I could provide, but not too much more.

If you are wanting to have a fairly open relationship with your child's birthparents, the relationship is what is important and that needs to start with honesty, not fluff.

[browneyes0707]

Didn't use an agency to place, but I wanted to let you know that as a firstmom, I would want you to be more honest than "attractive". First of all, if everyone's profile says they are "wealthy", I'm going to pick up on it anyway, all potential a-parents aren't rolling in it, KWIM? If you are embellishing the truth in a profile, what else are you embellishing just to look pretty? I'm going to gravitate those who seem honest and down to earth, because I know they will be honest and down to earth with my child. And that to me is worth more than fancy vacations and tutors.

Besides, money can't buy love and happiness right?

Be yourself and hold onto your convictions. I respect you more for it, and I'll bet e-moms will too!

Good luck!

[loveajax]

Aclee, I also agree that being honest is the most important thing. I was so concerned when I saw all these "slick" profiles....My DH and I were somewhat older, we certainly are not rich, etc.

My DD's birth mom said she liked us because we just seemed really down to earth. The reality is is that you will have no idea how expecting parents will react to your profile, but I'm sure that at the very least you want them to be reacting to YOU as real people, kwim? GL!

[Vogi2002]

I agree about being honest, but I did want to say that the "we are just regular people" line TO ME is not the best wording. I don't know what it does...I guess it's focusing on the negative instead of the positive. Instead of saying "you like regular things" maybe say what you DO like "We are pretty laid back and we enjoy most simple things in life, such as hanging out with our family, or walking our dog and watching the neighborhood kids play." sounds better and gives a better sense of who you are...

Does that make sense? I guess that line (which I'm sure was worded better) in a way (again just to me) makes it seem negative or like you are focusing on your profile VERSUS others instead of just highlighting your profile for who YOU are...like that is what most of the other people are or are trying to be is "rich".

I'm not sure I can put my finger on it....it almost makes you sound lifeless and dull (which I'm sure you are not!!!)

I will say that my agency did a good job with our profile. They didn't change it to change who we are, but they gave us a point of view of another reader. Basically helped us come across in our best light...or the light that we were trying to portray.

Good luck! It's SO hard to come up with that "perfect" profile, in the end if you love it then the emom that is "perfect" for you will love it too!!

[aclee]

It does make us sound sort of lifeless, rather than portraying what we want to let her know. I just feel like down to earth is SO over used in profiles, so I hate to sound cliche. I'm going to have to think on that. We enjoy the simple things in life is *sort* of true...except we eat out at LOT....LOL! Can I say that? Something like that. I do get across in the rest of our profile that we are interesting and we do want the child to get out and do things, but that's assuming the expectant mother would read the whole thing. I just don't want to have picture of us all over the world on every page, and talk about how we'll send the kid to private school and promise to be a stay at home mom. We aren't sure we'll be able to swing that...at the most I will work part time. I WANT her to be okay with that kind of stuff, so that an expectant mother that chooses us isn't like...UM? I thought my kid was going to be home with mom all day. We are trying to do that, but I can't promise, so I won't. Anyone here watch Kid Nation? I feel like handing them my profile and saying...this is it...DEAL WITH IT! (show reference!)

Thanks so much for all your imput!

[Vogi2002]

I think saying that you like to eat out a lot is a GREAT thing because it's who you are!! LOL Those kind of things are what the emom will remember...

For the record - I didn't say I would stay at home..though one day I might, I just said I had great daycare lined up that will give the child individual attention. I wouldn't even mention part time if you don't think you will be able to.

Talk about going out to eat...enjoying your weekends in...watching movies..anything that really makes you...well you!!

BTW - enjoying the simple things doesn't mean you have to cook! LMAO You can say "We enjoy the simple things in life like going out to eat at different restaurants (or you could say "our favorite meal at our favorite restaurant)".

Really though, in the end don't promise...its not about promises. I didn't even mention school at all in mine, nor our house size or anything. Just told them where we lived. We did put a picture of our house on it...but that's it.

Good luck!!

[kakuehl]

I didn't have a lot of choice (the olden days you know!) But I was pleased that the agency placed D with a couple who came from a background that was similar to my own. The aparents were college educated professionals in service occupations (pastor, social worker) so I knew they wouldn't have loads of money. For me it was important that he be with parents who were ready and eager to be a family and nuture him.