[JustPeachy]

My situation is different, since my son's adoption was not closed, but rather semi-open. I always kept the agency updated with my current address/phone and in recent years have been involved in bmom support groups. I've always known I wanted contact with my son and it's something that has been supported. Not all my friends know about my son, but close friends do, and most of my family does. It took me a long time to tell my spouse, but he knows, too. Given that, I think if I were in a closed situation, I would still likely want contact, but I cannot speak for all bmoms. There is another member of my family who did a closed adoption and she does not speak of it. The whole family knows, but her grown children do not. I often wish I could talk to her about adoption issues, and some of the challenges I am facing right now. I also often wonder if her child came forward, what she would do? Since she is not able to discuss the matter, I cannot say.

[longingtomeetyou]

the past 18 yrs have been the most horrible gutt wrenching extremely painful time of my life!!
i really had no one who would listen to me
my family never wanted to talk about it
cause there mentality was it was closed and i needed to move with my life
MOVE ON?how can anyone just move on after giving up a baby and try to have a normal life after that???
im my case i wasnt a druggie/etc etc
i just got pregnant

tk GOD 18 yrs have come and gone



and i sure look forward to one day prayfully meeting my daughter face to face and hugging her and knowing she wants contact with me .....

[kune]

jwmjwm
Have you considered registering with one of the Registeries so if your bmother decides to search, your contact details are there and she knows you would welcome her.

Ann

[jwmjwm]

Hi Kune - Yes, I am registered with a local registry for the area where I was born, and have considered registering for the big one... can't remember the name of it now. You're right, and maybe I will go ahead and do that. Thanks.

[Mockingbird]

wonder -

Freaked/Thrilled!

Freaked out at the prospect of having to explain everything to family/friends and having them judge me; at the possibility that my son would not like me and would just take the information given and leave my life.

Thrilled that my son actually wanted to talk to me and meet me and that I could find out how his life had gone.

-----------------------

[cls2445]

Wonder, My dau was placed 45 years ago. (Yes, I was sent away, I was 16) I was told I could NEVER search for her or EVER get any info re. her. She was always in my heart. A year ago she contacted me. I am now complete..and she is in my life as well as in my heart...we are developing a great relationship. My parents, my sister, and her bfather were the only ones who knew about her, but that was a subject that was taboo....never spoken of. (I did tell my husband before we married.)
Its is so wonderful to be able to talk about her now, hug her, and share with her. At the begining of our contacts there were many times I thought I was having an emotional break-down. It hasn't been an easy journey, but oh so wonderful.

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by longingtomeetyou

the past 18 yrs have been the most horrible gutt wrenching extremely painful time of my life!!
i really had no one who would listen to me
my family never wanted to talk about it
cause there mentality was it was closed and i needed to move with my life
MOVE ON?how can anyone just move on after giving up a baby and try to have a normal life after that???
im my case i wasnt a druggie/etc etc
i just got pregnant

tk GOD 18 yrs have come and gone



and i sure look forward to one day prayfully meeting my daughter face to face and hugging her and knowing she wants contact with me .....

just thought i would bring this up again cause ultimately i would love it if she made the first contact cause i would know FORSURE she is ready for contact with me

[elle23]

Originally Posted by aroha

Dont think for a moment that she has ever forgotten you - but the only way that you can find out how she will react is to approach her - I know that it is pretty scarey stuff but you have a greater than average chance of a positive outcome - goodluck.

22 yrs ago I placed my daughter for adoption. My family was very supportive of my decision. It was a difficult decision to make, but once it was made I was at peace.

That peace has carried me over these past 22 years. And during this time, I have provided updates to the adoption agency on everything from medical history to contact information. Everything she needs to find me is one phone call away for her.

I also feel that she was only mine for those few days. Her real parents are the people who adopted her and have raised her and will be in her life until the end.

This is why I feel she needs to find me - and not the other way round. Primarily because I know how my family and I feel about a reunion (very open) but I don't know how she or her family feels about it - therefore a reunion could really be disruptive and intrusive.

I love all my children very much. This is why I am willing to wait for a reunion - for as long as it takes.

[djvj]

i never ever ever ever ever forgot about my bdaugher who is now 23. i ached for her every day. i used to look up at the stars at night and think -- she is out there under these same stars

the most beautiful day of my life was reuniting with her. it comes with a lot of buried pain, but there is something between us, something there are no words for, that make it all worth it.

i think the idea of a mother who gives their child away and forgets is a myth that society finds it easier to live with...read that book that keeps being mentioned. it will tell your mother's story. she may or not be able to get past all her pain and have a relationship with you, but it is certain that she loved you, because she was your mother. in those days there wasn't much of a choice. even in 1985, when i relinquished, things were not all that different...

read the book, the girls who went away. really. i promise you it will answer a lot of your questions.

best of luck.

[Jackiejdajda]

elle23

This is why I feel she needs to find me - and not the other way round. Primarily because I know how my family and I feel about a reunion (very open) but I don't know how she or her family feels about it - therefore a reunion could really be disruptive and intrusive.

My bson found me... and that is the way I wanted it..



Jackie

[elle23]

Originally Posted by elle23

22 yrs ago I placed my daughter for adoption. My family was very supportive of my decision. It was a difficult decision to make, but once it was made I was at peace.

That peace has carried me over these past 22 years. And during this time, I have provided updates to the adoption agency on everything from medical history to contact information. Everything she needs to find me is one phone call away for her.

I also feel that she was only mine for those few days. Her real parents are the people who adopted her and have raised her and will be in her life until the end.

This is why I feel she needs to find me - and not the other way round. Primarily because I know how my family and I feel about a reunion (very open) but I don't know how she or her family feels about it - therefore a reunion could really be disruptive and intrusive.

I love all my children very much. This is why I am willing to wait for a reunion - for as long as it takes.

One month to the day of my posting of the above comment, my birthdaughter and I found each other online. (with the help of some very persistent Search Angels!) We had both posted information on different sites within one week of each other! So, I can absolutely, positively say that I am overjoyed to the point of no words and, absolutely in awe of this wonderful reunion - and she feels the same.

We both have been blessed with very supportive families who are equally excited that we have finally reconnected. I am looking forward to getting to know this wonderful young woman and her family, and can't wait to see how this new adventure in my life unfolds!

[cls2445]

Wonder,
Oh please for your peace of mind and your bmoms, MAKE THAT CONTACT. After 45 years I thought I would never know anything about the dau I gave birth to. Every day she was in my thoughts. My husband and sister were the only ones who knew of her, my 3 raised children did not. Yes the inital contact from her turned my world upside down for a bit. The positives far out weigh the negatives. This is only a win win situation and time is not on our side.