[Jordan's bmom]

SEARCH! If your heart is longing to find them, then do it. You already know that there is a chance of heartache. But I am willing to bet that your bparents want to know you too. I lived each day, for the day, that my bson would make contact. It was one of the best days of my life. Search with an open mind and an open heart and be prepared for rejection, but at least you'll know. It's gotta be better than the agony of wondering all the time. I'm sorry for the way your aparents treated you. I'm glad to hear that you've found peace and forgiveness. I'm sure finding your bparents will get you another step closer to emotional health. Good Luck and God bless your search.

[hideyho]

I am 30 yrs old now and am a single parent with two young children of my own. I am considering a search for my bparents. My childhood, unfortunately, was not what parents hope for when they choose to place their child. I grew up with violent alcoholics. I want to protect them from the pain I had to learn to understand and forgive. I read so many posts about bparents in pain from wanting a relationship and I struggle since I want the same thing. I think I would want to my children to seek me regardless, but I don't want to re-open their wounds and make them worse. I know there is a great chance that my search will not end up the way I hope, possibly what I find will only cause me more undue pain. I just need some one to help me with this decision. Please let me know your opinions so I can be better informed before I make any decisions. I don't want to hurt them more, but I have such a strong desire to add them into my life. Thank you in advance, hideyho

[InBlindFaith]

If you want to search then do. You will never know unless you try. Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from finding what you are looking for. You never know, your birthmom might be patiently waiting for you to find her too!!

Good luck in your search!! ((((HUGS))))

Now, if only I was able to take my own advice...LOL!!

[longingtomeetyou]

oh hon im so sry you werent raised in a better home.....makes me so sad

my opinion is if you are in need of healing .....you need to search.....you might not like what comes your way ....but at least you are trying to heal in the process.......
praying for peace in this situation

[Lisasue]

Hideyho:

I am a bmom who met my son. He has alot of frustrations from his aparents, and has shared with me his past. At first I felt maybe it was to comfort me, but soon after meeting his parents, I realized he spoke the truth. I will say, it hurt like heck to hear and know that my son was raised with alot of control issues. I am a bmom who did not want to relinquish her child, the choice was made for me. I feel horrible, especially as a mom who is very close to her children that my son had to go through what he did before finding me. I am glad he told me the truth however, I would think that holding all that in, may have put a strain between us. Especially when he sees the way I am with his brother and sisters.

Your past does not need to be first order of business when you meet your bmom, but if and when she asks you about your life, be honest, and if you feel no hositility towards her for any of your past, tell her your life in away she does not feel blame. You will be very surprised, i would think how much her natural mother instinct will appear towards you!

Take care, and I too am very sorry and feel a heavy heart that you had to be apart of an alcoholic family, and the damage it can cause.

Cheers and good luck with your search!!

[hideyho]

I must say, even a stranger typing "oh hon..." makes me cry and feel better at the same time. I know I don't need to hear bparents say "sorry" I truly feel that they did the best thing they could. Having two kids myself makes me understand truly that nobody just decides to place a child without great thought and heartbreak. I really feel that whatever was going on in their lives during my birth, they thought anything would be better for me and for the children they already had before me otherwise they would have kept me. I am thankful they decided to continue pregnancy. I would be outraged to know that I gave such a gift to someone who couldn't appreciate (or didn't care as is the case with addictions) the pain it caused me. Pray for us that they are still living and happy. I know they were an older couple with children, she was a nurse (amazingly without knowing that I went into the health field straight out of high school), and my adoption was private. I love my amom, but without knowing them, I love them too. I just have to be careful that my dreams of them don't set me up for upset. (hee hee, I just know I am the long lost daughter of George Strait!! It was his music that got me through many loud nights as a kid) Well, anyway, thankyou for responding and letting me know what you think.