[bmom2amom]

I too placed a child nearly 18 years ago in a closed adoption situation. I didn’t know there was an option. I didn’t know I could have changed my mind. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t know and I’m glad it was closed for many of the reasons that have been posted here already. I wanted my little girl to have a happy stable home with a Mom and a Dad. That’s why I chose adoption in the first place; it was a life I couldn’t give her. I wouldn’t have wanted open adoption because I would have felt ‘out of place’ I guess. It doesn’t mean I love her any less, nor does it mean I never want anything to do with her. It was my way of dealing with something more painful than I care to think about. I felt that by signing away my rights I no longer had the choice to see her or not.



Her aparents agreed to letters and pictures upon request, but this was a verbal agreement only. (I was lead to believe I had no rights at all, like another poster) I received pictures until she was 6. She’ll be 18 in September. I continued to request them, but was told after a couple letters that the family moved and the attorney could no longer find them. So, not only was this a painful experience… I now feel that I made a huge mistake and chose the wrong couple. How could aparents just write off a bmom so easily? They told me in their first letter how they kept her name what I had given her because it was the one thing I gave her. When I was 18 I was touched. Now that I’m 36 it feels like it was more of a slap in the face since I gave her so much more than that. I gave her life.



Sorry to write a book, I guess I have a lot of deep feelings about this and have never really spoken to anyone about them… thanks for listening J

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by bmom2amom

Her aparents agreed to letters and pictures upon request, but this was a verbal agreement only. (I was lead to believe I had no rights at all, like another poster) I received pictures until she was 6. She’ll be 18 in September. I continued to request them, but was told after a couple letters that the family moved and the attorney could no longer find them. So, not only was this a painful experience… I now feel that I made a huge mistake and chose the wrong couple. How could aparents just write off a bmom so easily? They told me in their first letter how they kept her name what I had given her because it was the one thing I gave her. When I was 18 I was touched. Now that I’m 36 it feels like it was more of a slap in the face since I gave her so much more than that. I gave her life.

I am from the closed era.. I did not see or hold my child..

I think open adoption is the way to go..

I read the posts written by the birthmoms who were allowed to actually go into the grief process right away.. are able to actually see the baby after relinquishment.. I see that it can be a very healthy thing to do..

But you were caught in the middle.. the rules were not set up when you relinquished.. Or obviously the place where you relinquished had no rules..
I know that by law most open adoptions can not be kept open.. but I see it changing while reading these boards.. I see it getting better..

My bson is in his early forties.. He found me about five years ago.. I was able to see how he turned out.. I was able to stand back and see him and his life.. The life he has..
Maybe your birthdaughter is doing very well..

Jackie

[Found at last]

I don't think that I could have done an open adoption. My daughter and I reunited in 2003. It was very diffucult to part from her. Each time it felt like I was losing her all over again. VERY painful for a 44 year old. I can't imagine going though it at 19 years old.

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by bmom2amom

I too placed a child nearly 18 years ago in a closed adoption situation. I didn’t know there was an option. I didn’t know I could have changed my mind. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t know and I’m glad it was closed for many of the reasons that have been posted here already. I wanted my little girl to have a happy stable home with a Mom and a Dad. That’s why I chose adoption in the first place; it was a life I couldn’t give her. I wouldn’t have wanted open adoption because I would have felt ‘out of place’ I guess. It doesn’t mean I love her any less, nor does it mean I never want anything to do with her. It was my way of dealing with something more painful than I care to think about. I felt that by signing away my rights I no longer had the choice to see her or not.



Her aparents agreed to letters and pictures upon request, but this was a verbal agreement only. (I was lead to believe I had no rights at all, like another poster) I received pictures until she was 6. She’ll be 18 in September. I continued to request them, but was told after a couple letters that the family moved and the attorney could no longer find them. So, not only was this a painful experience… I now feel that I made a huge mistake and chose the wrong couple. How could aparents just write off a bmom so easily? They told me in their first letter how they kept her name what I had given her because it was the one thing I gave her. When I was 18 I was touched. Now that I’m 36 it feels like it was more of a slap in the face since I gave her so much more than that. I gave her life.



Sorry to write a book, I guess I have a lot of deep feelings about this and have never really spoken to anyone about them… thanks for listening J

are you going to search for her at 18?

its nice to talk with other birthmoms......
maybe we can chat sometime.......

[kelceesmom]

Our daughter was born in 05/05. We would have liked to have an open adoption with her bparents. We left it up to them because we didn't want to intrude in their lives since they were young and already had 2 children they were raising. We left all our info with them and made it very clear we would be grateful to hear from them if or when they were ready. As of today we have never heard from them. All we can do when our daughter is old enough is to let her know that they loved her enough to let her go and complete someone elses family. We pray that someday they will contact us but we do not want to invade their privacy.