[Archive]

Originally Posted By dawn

Hello, I recently found out that my mother relinquished a son 44 yrs. ago when she was 20 yrs. ago. My mother had never told my brother or sister. She was devestated when we were told. She is crushed that we know. She wants nothing to do with her son. She is obviously embarrassed/hurt etc. I am trying to find someone within her generation to help give me advice on how to help her. She was pregnant in 1957 and her son is now 44. i've talked to a few woman from support groups but none went through this very long ago it seems as the stigma in the 50's was just horrible. If you are a b-mom and could talk to me I would really appreciate it. I love my mom so much and it hurts me to see how this has affected her. i would like to converse with any with a similar story. Perhaps after talking on the computer we could talk in person? Thankyou Dawn

[stowne]

I just read your post. I hope someone will come forward to help
your Mom. She would be surprised at how many people would
be supportive of her. What would others have done in her position? She needs to give herself a break. I was looking for
the birth family of my friend who was given up for adoption in
1958. He is tall with dark hair and blue eyes. The one thing
in the world he would want would be for his mother to take him
her arms and hold him.

I wish you well, if you want to reply, my e-mail is shetwn@aol.com.

[JOYCE LEDBETTER]

Originally Posted by Archive

Originally Posted By dawn

Hello, I recently found out that my mother relinquished a son 44 yrs. ago when she was 20 yrs. ago. My mother had never told my brother or sister. She was devestated when we were told. She is crushed that we know. She wants nothing to do with her son. She is obviously embarrassed/hurt etc. I am trying to find someone within her generation to help give me advice on how to help her. She was pregnant in 1957 and her son is now 44. i've talked to a few woman from support groups but none went through this very long ago it seems as the stigma in the 50's was just horrible. If you are a b-mom and could talk to me I would really appreciate it. I love my mom so much and it hurts me to see how this has affected her. i would like to converse with any with a similar story. Perhaps after talking on the computer we could talk in person? Thankyou Dawn

Hi, just read your message, I'm not a birth mother but a sibling looking for our brother adopted in 1957 or 1958. our mother will not talk about it or give us the infor to look for him(or her). She says she is at peace with herself about this and will not give us any info on our search. Its hard on the famlies who want to find out about and meet our lost love ones and I think adoptee's should haaave choice of meeting parents or at least any medical history of the birth families. If some time you just need someone to talk to , as you say we can start off by e-mail.

Good luck and God Bless

e-mail address--MRSCHIEFLB@aol.com

[JOYCE LEDBETTER]

Hi, I'm looking for our brother adoped in 1957-1958, not for sure which. He was adopted in Atlanta Ga. My Mom was seperated from our dad and had an affair.
I haave been searching for over 5 yearsand seem to hit a stone wall. Our mother will not tell us anything about who adopted him, but we really would like to meet him, if only to let him know his sister and 2 bothers, and also any medical history . It makes it hard to look and you cant ruffle feathers with mom and the law.

Good luck and God Bless

e-mail address-MRSCHIEFLB@AOL.COM

[shannawells]

I was born 4/26/1957 in Napa County, California at St. Helena, the adoption took place 2/1958 in Solano County, California. Through research I have learned my birth mother was born in Kansas, graduated from high school, and was 19 at my birth. My father was from Arkasas, and they were not married. I know there was a half sibling born on my fathers side, before my birth. My paternal grandfather was an oilfield worker. I am attempting to locate either my birth parents or their decendants. Public records are showing my name as possibly "baby easter". Any assistance or advice would be greatly appreceiated by myself, my daughter, and my 2 grandchildren.

[emw_60]

Could I be part of your birth family?? I am a female born Herman Hosp Houston TX--Oct 9 1960. Was adopted through Catholic Charities. I would like to find any birth family--have amended bcert #--can't find it in b-index so far maybe it has been changed.

Please contact me if I could be part of a family---if only for health info--part of a family you know.

Emily

[shannawells]

Can you give me more information? Who are you responding to? or what makes you think we may be conected?

[andromeda]

I am a birthmother from 1963. The mothers I know from the 50's do tend to be more reserved that us 60's girls. Although an awful lot of birthmothers never search and don't care to be found. This upsets me greatly because I think it is bad for both mother and child to never seek out the truth.

I don't know what I could do for you re your mother and surrendered child from '57, but let me know if you have questions. For the record, I searched and found my son in 1987. He had been injured in an accident and was in a wheelchair. He died in 1995. So I do not understand people who don't want to search...even if they get rejected, they have more knowledge than they did before.

Lynn

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by andromeda

I am a birthmother from 1963. The mothers I know from the 50's do tend to be more reserved that us 60's girls

Hello Lynn..

I relinquished in /65… I wonder about the women who relinquished in the 50’s.
I wish that more women from that time would post on the net..
I was a teen in the 50’s…What I remember is terror.. wanting to conform and good old terror.. I never really fitted in.. Maybe that is why I rebelled in the early sixties and got myself in trouble.. I kept taking such terrible chances..

Jackie

[eastendmommy]

Hi Jackie, I think that birthmothers from the 50's don't have access to the web (or ability to navigate the sites) as easily as birthmothers who came along later on. I only just recently acquired the knowledge to do so myself, and I relinquished in 1980 - much later than some of you. I am 44, and have alot of difficulty learning on my own. Also, many of us were told - repeatedly - that we COULDN'T search. Ever. Once the ink was dry on the papers, we were never to darken anyone's doorstep again concerning our child. They didn't 'belong' to us anymore. I waited until my son turned 21 before I asked my sister to make some posts on my behalf, as she had a computer and I didn't. Ever since I joined the 21st century and have my own access to the web, I have been digging and searching and posting everywhere I can find in the hopes that he searches for me someday... Older woman may be less resilliant to open their mind to that which was closed so long ago. Many women from the 50's, 60's and beyond were made to feel ashamed and 'dirty', and many never told subsequent husbands and children of their little family secret. To have it come out now - at this late stage in their lives - could be devastating to their current situations. The older one gets, the harder it is to accept change. Tammi

[Pinakitha]

I know that my Mom doesn't have a clue about computers, let alone the internet! Any contact with most people of her generation would probably best be done initially by letter. After that, a phonecall, if appropriate.

I was born in the 1950s & had a child out of wedlock in the 1970s. It was the most traumatic & ghastly experience of my life. I shudder to think how much worse it must have been back in the 1950s.

The other sad thing is that, so I understand, many bmoms from back then have carried the burden of guilt & shame that was poured upon them by their families, social workers and the public in general. Many find it hard to face up to the terrible pain & anguish they have buried inside them for over 50 years. I think that is why some of them find it hard to accept contact too (although, obviously, not all of them are like that).

Those poor young women from the 1950s are truly the "forgotten" ones in the triad. Sadly for them, they do not know that they are not alone.

[Carol Bird]

Hey, JackieJdaJda: I just noticed a post by you from June 2003 and wonder how I missed it back then. You were wondering why more birthmoms from the 1950s weren't online.

Frankly, I always wondered too. I relinquished in 54 and at this writing am pushing 72. Unfortunately not a whole lot of old goats like me know computers, though many of my friends are catching on. Most probably don't even know about The Internet and the Adoption Reunion movement.

Many are probably still hiding in the closet. That's sad, but that's Closed Adoption for you.

Anyway, I want you to know that even old and arthritic, I'm still here and will continue to lend support until my fingers can't hit the keyboard any longer.

Carry on youngster! We're counting on those from the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and early 2000s to carry on our work.

Hugs and Happy Valentine's day (my birthdaughter turned 52 on Feb 13. Hard to believe we've been reunited almost 20 years.

Hugs, Carol Bird

[Jackiejdajda]

Thanks all for the replies.

I am 64.. I learned the computer in order to find my son..

I have spent the last few days trying my best to sort my computer.. I am currently downloading my norton anti virus software.. it seems to be breaking down and needs a fresh install..
I lost my audible book download ability.. and am pulling my hair out about that.. they say its the norton.. hmmm

I guess everyone is correct when they say women from that era do not get on the computer..

I hope they do one day..

Jackie

[shadowdove]

Carol,

I don't believe any of us from the 'Baby Scoop Era' (Post WWII thru the early 1970s) are 'youngsters' by any stretch of the imagination. I will be 60 yrs old this year and am definitely not a 'youngster'. So many of us nmoms who lost our firstborns (my loss occured in 1964) to adoption went on to have more children and are now grandmothers, some now even great-grandmothers (I actually know a few). My eldest grandchild will be 19 in June and graduating from H.S. Seems not that long ago this precious boy was born (to my raised daughter). I was a grandmother at the age of 40! I am 'Nana' to 7 grandchildren (including my found firstborn's children, who are all younger than my raised daughter's children). Spending an entire day with any of my grandchildren, does not leave me feeling like a 'youngster', I can assure you! LOL!

Does not matter whether it was the 50's, 60's or 70's...it was a most despicable period in the history of American Society. The treatment of any unwed mother and her newborn during the Baby Scoop Era, was absolutely abominable, cruel and inhumane. Many atrocities were committed against the young unwed mother right in our very own American medical institutions. Was a terrible time in history with the most Puritannical forces working against a young unmarried mother and her newborn.. Problem is the longer a mother stays in the shadows, the longer her pain, sorrow and secrets stay within her. Many times becoming extremely difficult to overcome if not impossible. Society and the Social Workers of that time did a terribly excellent job at programming many a young unwed mother to believe that she was unworthy and undeserving of her own child, not just for a few decades, but for entire lifetimes... How sad.. for both mother and child..

[Carol Bird]

WHOOPS! Sorry Shadowdove, I didn't mean for my use of "youngsters" to be taken as an insult, I just reread what I wrote, and it STILL doesn't sound to me like an insult. Nevertheless, you have my apology. I didn't mean to offend you (My sister is STILL my "kid sister" at age 61, pushing 62, but that's a family fun thing).

I do know all about what being an unwed mother was like in the "Baby Scoop Era" which still I call the "Closed Adoption Era" -- after all, I was a part of that generation. And had to live with the results all my life.

The "baby" I relinquished (and am now reunited with) just turned 52 this month and I still think of her (privately in my mind) as "my baby."

I've been out of the Shadows for a long time, too.

Thanks for your input.
Hugs, Carol Bird