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Originally Posted By Carol Bird, Birthfamily Issues

SUGGESTIONS TO HELP YOU THROUGH EARLY STAGES OF REUNION

Reunion can be highly emotional and often there are misunderstandings that can sour a relationship. We strongly urge Adoptees and Birthfamily members to take extra steps to prepare themselves for Reunion and Recovery by reading as much as they can about the experiences of others.
For a valuable guidelines for Reunion and Recovery print out a copy of THE TOP TEN STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL REUNION from
http://www.adopting.org/ReunionAdvice.html

A BIRTHMOM'S GRIEF, By Brenda Romanchik, will give you some
idea of what you might confront when getting to know your birthmom.http://www.adopting.org/birthmother_grief.html
that is an underline (or space)between birthmother and grief).

Understanding yourself will help you to better understand your
birthparents, so there are some articles about Adoptee Issues you should read.
*IDENTITY CRISIS YEARS (the young adoptee)
http://www.adopting.org/Identity.html
*ISSUES FACING ADULT ADOPTEES http://www.adopting.org/adltcope.html
COMMON CLINICAL ISSUES - ADOPTEES
http://www.adopting.org/commonis.html
*REUNION ISSUES, Dr. Marlou Russell
http://www.adopting.org/MRReunionIssues.html
Marlou is a reunited adoptee who is a psychologist/family therapist. She gives very good advice to adoptees on our Ask The Experts ADOPTEE ISSUES FORUM at http://www.adopting.org/supports.html (last forum on the
page.) Marlou also has a web page at http://www.marlourussellphd.com

There's a beautiful piece written as a Mother's Day sermon by an adoptee (a minister)about his Birthmother and Amom, that is well worth reading. Print a copy of A TALE OF TWO MOTHERS http://www.cheta.net/uuweb/sermons.html

Karen DeLuca, who moderates our ADOPTEE Chat room at

http://www.adopting.org/chat.html every Monday night beginning 7:30 EST in the Adoptee Chatroom, has written a good take on ADOPTEE INSECURITY. You can print it out from
http://www.adopting.org/Karen/Insecurity.html.

Also, read some of the books reviewed in our LIBRARY; one I found very helpful is Nancy Verrier's A PRIMAL WOUND? This is a great guide for adoptees, birthfamily members and adoptive family members before, during and after Reunion. It is well worth buying, or you might be able to check it out from your local public library.

Dr Marlou Russell wrote ADOPTION WISDOM, a book that is a handy guide. It answers a lot of questions that pop up during reunion.

Others include BIRTHBOND and THE OTHER MOTHER, to name a few.

There are several other articles in our library at
http://www.adopting.org/readroom.html You have to scan past the ones about adopting babies to get to the Adoptees/Birthparents/Reunion pieces. Print
them out and read them.

My "story" of reunion with my daughter after 32 years of separation (Dec. 16, 1986) might be helpful, too. Our reunion occurred before the advent of The Internet and all of the help websites like ours provide to birthmoms and adoptees in search. I had no one to go to for advice and after living with the secret for so many years, I didn't really know what to do. So, I was forced to use the trial and error method. You can learn WHAT NOT TO DO by reading the experiences of those of us who have SURVIVED Reunion. The story and followup are at the top of BIRTHFAMILY ISSUES FORUM FOR TRADITIONAL (CLOSED)
ADOPTIONS in the "Ask The Experts Group":
http://www.adopting.org/supports.html

We have other chats that you might find worth participating in ...I have one for Birthmoms on Monday nights at 9:00 PM EST that adoptees frequently come to after Karen's Chat and we have one on REUNIONS on Wednesday nights at 10 PM EST. If you are in the Central, Mountian and Pacific time zones the posted hours are one, two or more hours earlier.
April moderates a Chat for those who have experienced REJECTION in REUNION every Friday night in the REJECTED REUNION chatroom at 9:00 PM EST.
The chats are at http://www.adopting.org./chat.html

Hugs, Carol