[alimillerdesign]

I placed a boy for adoption 18 years ago...I am not married and my husband would like to think about adoption. We tried to get pregnant for a little while with no luck. I have tried to explain to him that it feels like I am grieving never having another child, one to keep.

I am so unsure about wanting to adopt, despite knowing the joy I brought to a family 18 years ago. Am I selfish?

Confused and sad!!! Argh!

ali

[Gwen72]

I placed a son for adoption 18 years ago in September. I always wanted to have more biological children and adopt children once I got married. 11 years after I placed my son I finally had my life straightened out and I married my DH. We tried for years to get pregnant with no luck. I wanted to move to adoption after 2 years but he had his heart set on a bio child first. We tried for almost 5 more years and I campained for adoption that whole time. Finally he agreed and we adopted our son W in November, 08. I can tell you that I did grieve not giving birth to a baby that I got to keep. I was very angry and disappointed about that for a while. I worked through it and realized I just wanted to be a mother. I will also tell you that the day I walked out of the hospital with W I thought of his birthmom and knew how she felt walking out of the hospital without her son. That brought back a lot of stuff that I had to try to rework through while taking care of a baby that was up every hour either eating or pooping for the first 6 weeks. I would recommend that you work through your emotions about being a birthmother before you agree to adopt. Adoption will resurface a lot of feelings and with the exhaustion that a newborn brings if you haven't worked through it beforehand you could have a very hard time of it. PM me if you want to talk about this further. You are definately not alone!

[alimillerdesign]

Thank you Gwen for sharing your story with me. I gues that is exactly what I would need to do, let go and be sure I want to experience motherhood again, however that happens.

I did tell my DH last night that I thought if we went forward I would want to get some pre-adoption counseling for myself.

P.S. I don't know what PM is? :-)

[Gwen72]

PM means private message. Send me a private message if you want to talk some more about this.

[julie23]

I am so unsure about wanting to adopt, despite knowing the joy I brought to a family 18 years ago. Am I selfish?

i placed my first daughter 23 years ago.... I did go on to have 3 biological daughters.... but before we felt like we were "done", it became apparent that we were biologically done.... since, we really wanted one more, we decided to pursue adoption.... and have adopted our last daughter....

and although, i have seriously felt "complete" after adding her to the family, i am actually feeling the pull to add one more... yikes!

personally, i think the answer to your question lies in the question itself....

do you think anyone who is unsure about bringing a child into their family (no matter through adoption or biology) should actually bring that baby in if they are unsure?

i think parenting is tough... no matter how they arrive... with the arrival of each baby, both my husband and i were fortunate to be "sure" that each baby was wanted.... whether biological ... or adopted... it was important we were both 100% on board.... and sure of our choice....