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#1
02-13-2008, 05:13 PM
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a promise for my baby and his mom
it is a strange thing to go to the other side of the adoption triad... to sit in the adoption classes... (and NOT be the "birthmom"!!).... in many many ways, pursuing adoption has been incredibly therapeutic for me, in terms of my own first mother experience... oddly, it was that very experience that caused us to put our adoptions plans "on hold" last year... it was my very own daughter TIDNR* that made me question adoption... that made me think that there is nothing good about adoption... only agonizing pain.... that i could not possibly adopt.... and it was working through all of that "junk"... that lead us to where we are today ... i hear adoptive parents talk about how God created their family.... and i am truly a firm believer in that.... just because of the events that took place this last year... and our adoption journey... that got us right here.. right now... preparing to bring our baby boy home.... whew... and there is no doubt that this is God's plan for us... even if the mother changes her mind, we are on the path that God has put us on... for His purpose...for this mother.... and this baby boy.
it is truly a bittersweet moment... for me. to "relive" bits of my own experience.... as we prepare to receive a baby... certainly joy is present... how can it not be? the birth of a baby is wonderful, joyful time... and yet, the inevitable pain and grief of his mother weighs on my heart... because i share in that, too... in the midst of the emotions rolling through my heart.... i often hear myself talking to her and her baby.... in my head.... making promises... promises that i will go to any length to keep.... i promise to honor his DNA.... to never blame his birthfamily for "the way he is"... on those occasions that i don't particularly like the "way he is".... i will never say "You were just born that way." I will never speak poorly of his birthfamily, nor will anyone ever be allowed to voice negativity about them.... I promise to honor his mother... to always speak of her respectfully... and with love... i promise to plant good feelings about her into his heart... that they might grow into blossoms of respect, love, compassion and kindness towards her.... i promise to raise him to be understanding... to be angry at poverty and poor education... not the people who brought him into a life of poverty and attempted to give him better. I promise to love him... and let her love for him come through me... as her body was a vessel to bring him into this world and my family, let my heart be the vessel that her love comes through.... above all else, i promise that he will know how very loved he is by his first mother.... that he will feel it in every fiber of his being.... I promise to love her... to have deep compassion in my heart for her... and a true, honest love for her that our son will feel ... I promise to teach him that love is a wonderful thing... and we all have way more than enough to go around... that he is certainly capable of loving two moms.... and two dads.... and brothers and sisters..... I promise to be a secure and loving mother... I promise that I will never be afraid of his birthfamily... that i will not let fear dictate our lives... nor have any place in our family... I promise to be the best mother i can be.... i know i'm not perfect... and i cannot promise perfection... but i can promise to learn... and grow... and get better.... and these will be promises kept..... julie
__________________
Mom to FOUR beautiful daughters!!!! 3 bio and our last little princess, adopted! 
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#2
02-13-2008, 05:55 PM
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Julie,
What a wonderful way to express such feelings. You may want to consider printing that and someday letting your child and that childs bmom know how you were feeling even befor they came into your life. What a wonderful gift that would be.
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#3
02-13-2008, 06:24 PM
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Julie, that was BEAUTIFUL!!!
It made me cry! THANK YOU!! Deb
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Mom to 5 BEAUTIFUL Children  4 Angels Waiting For Me In HEAVEN  God Doesn't Give You What You Can Handle, God Helps Us Handle What We Are Given. If You Want To Make God Laugh, Tell Him YOUR Plans! Open Adoption Doesn't Complicate A Family It COMPLEMENTS It
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#4
03-26-2008, 05:43 PM
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Oh how beautiful
I"m so moved by that. I sometimes feel so alone in in my level of commitment to E's birth mother ...you helped to give my feelings a voice!
__________________
“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” - Barbara Kingsolver "If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie "Nothing's gonna change my world." - John Lennon
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#5
03-26-2008, 05:50 PM
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Julie,
This is incredibly powerful. Thank you for posting. I can feel your heart and your sincerity. Truly beautiful. Thank you.
__________________
Paige
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#6
03-26-2008, 08:23 PM
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she's here
our baby has been born... HE turned out to be a SHE... and it couldn't possibly feel more "right"...
when M* had the baby, she had chosen not to have any contact.... she was very clear with all the nursing staff that we were the only ones who were supposed to hold her and feed her... it was really amazing... M* invited me to spend the night with her in the hospital... so i could take care of the baby... as we both settled in for the night, we had this amazing conversation... about nothing... and about everything.... at one point, there was a lull in the conversation.... and M*'s voice came through darkness... she quietly said "I'm glad you're adopting this baby."... I answered "I'm glad, too"... she spoke again, "I'm glad you were here for two weeks. It's been fun bonding with you.".... before I could respond, her voice continued... "I feel like I got adopted, too." wow. we are going home now.... ICPC is done.... we have okay's to take her across state line... tonight, I took her out for dinner...to say goodbye. she thinks that maybe she will come for a visit for Thanksgiving... I absolutely welcomed her... anytime... always... and she just looked at me and said "I would rather be with you than my family." imagine... imagine being so lonely... so starved for someone to love you.... unconditionally... i think she knows that i do.... i think i emphasized enough that she could change her mind, at any time... and parent... i love her... i am tied to her for the rest of my life... i cannot imagine separating my love for the baby from her.... we truly have adopted them both. julie
__________________
Mom to FOUR beautiful daughters!!!! 3 bio and our last little princess, adopted!
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#7
03-26-2008, 08:43 PM
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Tears are running down my face.
Enjoy your new daughter. She is so blessed to have you. Her first mother is so blessed to have you. YOU, who understands. My thoughts are with you at this time. Congratulations! MOM!
__________________
Paige
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#8
03-26-2008, 11:54 PM
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There are just no words to describe how full my heart is after reading your post.
__________________
Tara May Momma to Piper December 22, 2008 Open Adoption Birthmother to T. February 13, 2000  
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#9
03-27-2008, 01:42 AM
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Julie, what a blessing!! Congratulations on your new baby daughter!! And what a wonderful relationship is in store for you and her birthmom. God has truly blessed all of you with each other!
I remember going to a CUB meeting many years ago, and hearing a woman say that that young birthmoms should be adopted along with their babies. When she said that, I thought back to all the times during the first couple years after my son was born that I had wished someone had adopted me too. When you described the bonding process that occurred in the hospital between you and your daughter's birthmom, I just cried like a baby...joyful tears. You are in such a unique position now as a birthmother who is also an adoptive mother. The wisdom you've learned thru your own grief and loss will be a blessing for all... What a joyful day!!
__________________
 ~~Raven~~What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900) 
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#10
03-27-2008, 04:01 AM
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You should be teaching a class in adoption. Really. Your original post is beautiful. Congrats on your new baby and many blessings to your new family.
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#11
03-28-2008, 05:18 AM
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It is wonderful that you are going to share your journey with us.. A woman that has relinquished adopts..
OA Open adoption.. contact with all.. the way it should be.. if wanted. Jackie
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#12
03-28-2008, 06:40 AM
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This is so beautiful and tears are pouring from my eyes and heart. This is so much our feelings towards our daughter's birthmother and our adoption, thank you for sharing so openly your feelings! Congrats
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#13
09-07-2008, 08:56 PM
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Wow that was so beautifull. I will be taking a print out of this and keeping it for my reference. Hope you don't mind. :-D
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