[msdesi]

Honestly, until I stumbled into this forum I had no idea that a birthmom who had relinquished could ever be eligible for adopting under any circumstance.

It has been 13 years since I relinquished at age 18 and my circumstance has changed dramatically. I am now happily married for going on 7 years, financially secure, and a homeowner. Sadly, my husband and I have had much difficulty trying to have a baby of our own. We have talked much about how we would love to adopt from China, if I only I hadn't placed when I was young.

The fact is, we not only meet but EXCEED every single requirement laid down by The People's Republic of China to be eligible to adopt. Not only that, I read that an ethnic Chinese couple receives priority. Well...my husband is 100% Han Chinese and I'm 1/2 Han Chinese on maternal side and 1/2 Anglo but I was raised only by my maternal family. We are both fluent in Mandarin and English and very aware of our heritage and customs. We feel we would have so much to offer a child from China. If not for the fact of me having placed a child in my youth, we would've already applied!

Having read here that some birthmoms are able to adopt, can anyone give me some insight if it would be worth our time to make an application to adopt from China? Or is it the case that we could only adopt domestic through social service agency?

[BrandyHagz]

Not only are *some* birthmom's able to adopt - ALL birthmom's are able to adopt.

Having placed DOES NOT keep you from being able to adopt - no matter what type of adoption you want to do - as long as you meet the requirements.

Your homestudy worker would be able to tell you more about the requirements for China and whether or not its a good idea to mention your birthmotherhood in your homestudy and dossier that goes to China - but placing previously DOES NOT keep you from being able to adopt now.

[Mommy24]

Nan, you sure have had a bad experience with the birthparents you have met huh...so sorry to hear that....

Most of the birthparents I know Msdesi would be able to adopt, glad to hear that you have gotten yourself on the right track. Please do look into adopting from China and Much luck to you!!

[Mommy24]

Sorry I didnt mean physically "met" just that you have so much knowledge of the birthparents that havent yet gotten it "together".... I just find it sad that you dont get to see the birthparents that have gone on to be parents and productive members of society.

[crick]

Nanny...I think you are confusing the topic of the thread. The topic is discussing first parents who VOLUNTARILY relinquished their children and then later in life would like to adopt.

So it's NOT safe to say they wouldn't be able to do this.

They are not discussing firstparents who had their parental rights terminated, which should be clear based on the first post by Mdesi. So to bring up a totally different group of people that have nothing to do with the topic is unnecessary and quite frankly, it's disrespectful to lump the two groups together. HUGE difference between firstmoms who made a plan for their child to be adopted or were coerced to do so and those who abused their child. There is NO comparison at all.

Please don't start debates where none is necessary.

[BrandyHagz]

A birthmom who has had the child taken by the state is not prohibited from going on to adopt. If we were all judged by things in our past, none of us would be able to adopt, I bet.

Clearly, your experience is different - thats fine - but it would be a good idea, nanny, for you not to measure the birthmothers on this site with the same stick you measure those in your life with...

Sorry, I forgot to ask - can I see the source of these statistics you keep talking about? Thanks!

[msdesi]

Originally Posted by nannyde1

I didn't see the VOLUNTARY relinquished in her OP other than discussing HER situation.

Ok, I'm the original poster and I am now clarifying that I did voluntarily relinquish one healthy newborn girl when I was age 18. Actually she was 1 month due to a temporary change of mind on my part. Even though I looked into adoption while pregnant, I changed my mind when she was born and wanted to parent but was under great financial strain, unmarried, in a horrible relationship, and receiving family pressure so I decided then that I was not able to give her what she deserved. I was under pressure from family, boyfriend, agency, adoptive couple but I was NOT being forced by child services. My parental rights were NOT involuntarily terminated by the state. I felt at the time I was making better life decision for my daughter, and placed her with a family I had chosen through agency while pregnant. I voluntarily called back the agency and told them I think it would be best for my daughter to be adopted. I was NEVER in any manner declared an unfit parent by the state.

Does this clarify?

Originally Posted by nannyde1

It is a fair statement that voluntarily placing birthparents who meet the requirements of their state would be able to adopt. Placing a child in one's past does not automatically preclude someone from adopting.

That is my situation. Voluntary relinquishment 13 years ago and according to the information we've researched, we meet and exceed requirement to adopt from China.

My husband since I posted this and we read the answers, really wants us to pursue an application. This is something we would've already done if I hadn't felt like some criminal with a record for having voluntarily placed in my past. I still feel scared for a negative reaction, but he's trying to comfort me and talk me into it.

[specialk4b]

msdesi, if you're interested in adopting from China, I would encourage you to contact a few agencies that do China adoptions and tell them your story. I'm fairly certain you'll find that you are eligible to adopt now.

[ajjhmf]

Msdesi, I think it would be wonderful if you adopt. What a gift you can give you child be being able to express those feelings a birthmother has. You child would be very blessed.

I also thought it was pretty clear as well that you had relinquished. Most people discussing CPS adoptions don't relinquish their rights, but have them terminated. And even people who have had their rights terminated can go on to change their circumstances in life. My son's birthmom is rasing his 3 younger brothers. She married and has support system. Something she never had before. I would hate to be judged for the rest of my life for things I did 15 years ago. People do change and deserve the fresh starts and seconds chances they are given.

Blessings,
Jenny

[SchmennaLeigh]

I'd just like to say that I'm a darn good Mom.

Anyway, I know of at least two firstmoms in my social network who have or are in the process of adopting.

Ya know what? They're also great Moms.

Let's see, if I was judged based on what I did eighteen years ago... *thinks* ... Man, I'd be in trouble because I was busy trying to tell my Mom to send my Brother back because I wanted a Sister instead. Surely that means that I should never, EVER be a parent because I didn't want boy cooties around.

mdesi, persue your dreams. Don't ever let people attempt to limit you. I'm excited for you on this new dream!

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by nannyde1

I think it would be safe to say that most birthmom's are not able to adopt.

In my State the majority of adoptions are thru the foster care system wherein the children are placed due to the parents not meeting the legal standards to parent their own kids. Then you have a percentage of children who are foreign born. The birthparents would not be US citizens thus not qualifying them to adopt.

When you put those two figures together it would WELL meet the majority of birthparents who would NOT qualify to adopt.

I think there is a minority who are able... those who placed voluntarily and have no history with abuse and neglect. Also, the birthparents of children who were familial adoptions that were not Child Welfare driven.

Like Brandy said... IF they meet the qualifications which the majority would not.

Nan

Hmm, got some stats to support your claims Nan? Remember your state is one state and is not representative of all 50.