[krafmatic]

I have a kindergardener and a first grader. My DH and I are starting the process of adopting a baby from Guatemala. When do we tell the kids our plans?
Thanks

[rottymom]

Right now...children need to know what will change their life too...just keep it simple because they don't need to know every detail.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yesterday.

A sibling effects their lives as well. Education about adoption, Guatemala as a country and being an older sibling can only further help them adjust to the idea of another child in their home.

Best of luck!

[DBNose]

How far along are you in the process? I mostly agree with the other member who said to keep it simple. Introduce the subject but don't tell them the whole story yet if you are just starting. This is a long process that will seem even longer to kids. Do introduce the idea of adoption and multiracial families to your children early on. Read stories about adoption, and about families of different shapes, colros and origins. They should be comfortable with those ideas before you apply them to your family. Depending on how aware your children are, you might want to tell them that you are thinking of having another child through adoption before the home study. It is likely that the social worker will want to talk to them. My bio daughter was just over 3 when we had the home study done. She was too young to know what that was all about, and the process is so long, we did not introduce the subject at that time. In the months after the home study we started to introduce the idea that we were going to get her a baby sibling in Guatemala. But we did not start to talk about the particular child who became our son until after we went to visit him in Guatemala. Other parents bring siblings along to visit, and have good experiences, but we thought it would be very strange for her to introduce her to her brother, our child, whom we then proceeded to leave behind (she was 4 at the time). So we waited till we came back to tell her that we had found a baby brother for her and were waiting for permission from Guatemala to bring him home. At that time we introduced photos of him and told her his name. We also prepared her for the fact that we would need to go to Guatemala to pick him up (again we chose not to bring her along). We did spare her the details of our anxious wait and all the bureaucracy involved in the process.
Even now at almost 5 she does not really grasp a difference between having a child biologically and having one through adoption (hurray for her).
Good luck.

[JGarrick]

We told our kids as soon as we decided we were going to proceed. Our first step was an orientation class (we're adopting through the foster care system). When we got home, they (our kids) asked where their new sisters were. They were expecting us to come home with them, as if we were going to Walmart to pick them up or something.

They won't completely understand, but keep them informed. It's their life too.

[lilraskels]

As soon as possible. I would show pictures if you have them and start conversation about the new member of the family. We adopted first, then had a birth child, then adopted again. All the steps helped our chidlren understand. We are in the process of adopting again and my children can not wait. They want them here today. Good luck

[jigger]

My daughter was five when we started foster/adopt and we kept her very involved from the beginning. When we did our first classes, we told her we had to go to school to learn about brothers because we only knew about sisters. She was actually very excited and very wise about the whole thing. . . .

[Momtonick]

Congrats to you and your family!
We told ds (just turned 5 years old) that we had started the process and he would one day be a big brother. Even tho we explained a little bit, a few hours later he asked me if I could feel the baby in my tummy. LOL! I told him that wasn't the only way a baby could come into our family and that most likely we would bring him/her home from the hospital. Still not sure he understands.
But can you imagine a year long wait to a 5 year old? We do not discuss it daily but he knows we're working on it.

[Sleepydream]

I agree to tell now, but keep it simple. We told DS 4 and DD 3 when we started the process that we were looking for a baby brother or sister. A year is a long time at that age, but by the time little E came along (aged 5 and 4 by then) they were both very prepared for his arrival. They have been so good with him, no jealousy or frustrations...just excitement and thankful he is here. I can see how things may have gone very differently with their adjustment to a new sibling had we kept it all a secret and just come home one day with a baby without talking about things.

We are in an OA with DS's bfamily, and he remembers bringing DD home...so he has more understanding than most children his age would IMO. With domestic adoption, we felt it necessary to keep the kids at least a little bit involved in the case an emom would want to meet them before agreeing to match. As it turned out this did not happen, but I think it did help everyone feel more comfortable when they did meet her after the birth knowing that everything was in the open. I am just glad the kids did not ask me some of their questions in front of E's bmom, I would have been so embarrassed. DS wanted to know how our baby got out, DD wanted to know how he got in there, they both wanted to know how he fit in there...I felt pelted with questions I really did not want to answer yet, kids!

[tequilamonky]

Oooh Sleepydream your story is so lovely to read as I too already have a boy and girl and am hoping to adopt our third child. It's so reassuring to see that your two accepted their new sibling so well. I was worried that maybe because my two were so close they may have trouble with it.

We're right at the very start of the process....in fact we haven't even started yet as we've been told we can't even apply to adopt until our youngest is 2 years old! I have already started to talk to my eldest about it though, just saying that one day she'll have a new brother or sister (most likely sister as we hope to adopt from India) and that babies can come into families in differant ways.

[Whirled_Peas]

My bioson is 2.5 so we haven't told him anything about the adoption. He's just too young. We gave him 4 days notice that we were taking a long car ride to the beach. For four days he kept asking when we were going to the beach (he knows what it is from a book.) The first couple days we told him it would be a long time because at this age 4 days is a long time.

We have introduced books on new babies (we're doing domestic newborn adoption.) And when we see little babies in public I point them out. So, we haven't done any specific discussions yet, just talked about babies.

The children asked about here were about 5 and 6. I'm not sure how much advance notice I'd give them, I think it would be child specific. I do think parents should be cautious that they are telling the kids because that's what the kids need and not because the parents are so excited. Also, if they're going to overhear conversations, it is better to tell them than let them overhear.

[staceysberry]

Details will come in time. Everything will fall into place. At least that's what I like to believe. From a birthmom just let the new one know that they were loved by their bparents. As I'm sure you will love them.

[jp4ga]

We told our son when we made the decision and let him have input and ask questions. He was 9, it took 4 years to get our first placement. It was hard for the entire family, but our son learned alot about "waiting."

Also, during our home study the case worker had to talk to our son without us in the room. Our previous conversations about adoption helped our son answer the questions in an honest open manner.

He loves being a big brother to our baby girl. What we have not told him is that for the past 3 months we have been fighting to keep our new arrival. Waiting for the right time, hoping that she will not be pulled from our home.