[Montraviatommyg]

I posted this on the Birth Parents forums as I forgot about this forum until I was reminded so I would be interested in what responses I will get here.

For many years I couldn't face the though of having another child after relinquishing my son. I was so scared of getting into a relationship, splitting up then knowing I was pregnant and then being pressured into relinquishing my child to adoption again.

When I first married my husband knew I didn't want children but not the whole (buried) truth of why not. After a while he did talk me round plus my sister told him about my son. He was more upset that I hadn't told him myself but having talked this through he understood better why I felt the way I did.

Despite not using contraception nothing happened and every time we approached a doctor about this we were fobbed off. We got excuses like give it more time, lose weight and because I had had a child before we wouldn't be eligible for free treatment on the NHS (National Health Service).

In Aug 2004 I was reunited with my son and one of his first questions was to ask me if I had any other children. I was sad to have to tell I hadn't but I was also honest with him at the same time. He encouraged to try yet again to find out why not so we did and the doctor actually took us seriously. By April 2005 we knew why, I can still, the problem is with my husband although there is a slim chance that I could still fall pregnant.

Even before the tests we had started to talk seriously about adoption so no matter what happened we had to agreed to do so. We didn't do anything about it last year as it was a rough year for both of us so it just wasn't the right time. The last few months have improved and now we know it is the right time for us. Today we have chatted to a social worker over the phone who has filled out one form. She is coming out to see us on Monday for a further chat.

I would like honest opinions from others who have relinquished regardless of whether you had other children.

Pip

[Linny]

Without giving a lot of details, I can assure you that it is possible to adopt after relinquishing a child for adoption.

My best to you.......

Sincerely,

Linny

[michellemartin]

Definitely possible. Wondering if that's what you were wondering about though, or maybe the emotions of adopting a child knowing how you felt when you placed. Follow your heart .

I have considered fostering. I dont want to adopt because of how I ~think~ the bmom might feel in a foster/adopt situation. It wouldnt be a "voluntary" placement so I dont think I could do it. I want to do that when I get out of college, so when that happens, Josh and I are going to visit that thought again. So far, it's not something that we're definitely going to do, just an option.

[Montraviatommyg]

I do want views from others who have relinquished as you have an idea what emotions I went through having been through it yourselves. By reading how others feel helps me as it is a confirmation that I am doing this for the right reasons as I am thinking about the responses I get. I know it's not for all mothers (fathers ) who relinquished so that's why I want others to be honest .

Pip

[michellemartin]

If I were in a position to really want to have more children, and it was a voluntary placement, I'd see nothing wrong with it at all. If you want to do it, go for it .

[Montraviatommyg]

Oh it is, and I would want to be absolutely sure it was a voluntary placement as I would be devastated if someone went through what I did. We are considering siblings as well and orphans who are unlikely to be placed due to the age(s). It would be lovely to have our own bio children but a child who is relinquished or orphaned deserves as much love, attention and committment as well. Even if a miracle happened and we had a bio child after adopting the children would be treated exactly the same as I do believe that children aren't comodities so shouldn't be treated like that.

Pip

[mamabee]

Oh Pip---I just read this thread and you touched my heart yet again. I did relinquish a child and went on to have more children and even adopted a baby boy. I love my adopted son as much ( I really do) as my biological children. It is the most wonderful feeling and I wish you the happiness of a child or children. Adoption didn't bother me...the mother wanted to relinquish...and I thought to myself...this is how I wanted my daughter to be loved when I gave her up. I wish no one had to put their children up for adoption but as long as they do...someone loving needs to offer them a home...someone needs to be their Momma and Daddy....that someone could easily be you.