[BrandyHagz]

As most people here on the forum know, I am a birthmom in an open adoption. My daughter is almost eight years old, and I speak to her a few times a week.

I am also parenting a nine-year-old son, who has a very close relationship with his sister.

Recently, my husband and I have brought up the topic of adding to our family thru adoption with my son. He has been very receptive to the idea, and seems very excited.

My question, for those of you in open adoptions, how would you address the issue of adopting, with your birth child?

Like I said above, I am very close to my daughter, and have been very open with her regarding her placement, and her brother.

I realize that there probably aren’t a lot of birthparents in the same situation as me…parenting, placing then adopting…yet that’s where I find myself after three years of unsuccessful fertility testing and treatments.

Thanks in advance for any advice in dealing with this sensitive issue.

[mom2jazzygirl]

Wow, my username still works here!

I was researching our next adoption and happened along these boards again. I don't know if they are more active than a year ago, but I'll try.

I'm in a similiar situation with you. Only difference is that I placed, parented via biology and have now adopted. My birthdaughter has 4 adopted siblings and was very excited to learn we were adopting. My biological children in the home were thrilled to hear we were adopting. I don't know how much our newest son understands of the situation (still ironing out the language differences from 2 different cultures) but its certainly been placed before him at this point. And, it will continue to be placed before him since I've always been honest about the situation with the children.

[BrandyHagz]

Hiya!

Well, I did talk to my daughter and her parents, and they have all been really supportive..."M" who is an only child, seems to be excited about having more "siblings". She does have a sibling relationship with her half brother, that I parented, but to her, the more the merrier!

I have to admit; it couldn’t have worked out better.

[mom2jazzygirl]

I think children have less trouble understanding love than adults do. None of my children have had trouble grasping my love for them regardless of the circumstances and choices that have shaped our families. My birthdaughter is remarkably mature for her age and is well aware of why I couldn't parent her then. My biological children have been exposed to adoption (both as my status as a birthmother and several family members adopting children, not just the relatives whom adopted my birthdaughter) and it was not big deal when we told them their brother was going to be joining our family. And, our son can now grasp adoption and very happy to have finally made it home. He apparently spent years asking when he was going to get a mother again and was more than happy to finally have a mother love him again, regardless of the complexities of the situation.

Its those outside of the situation that I find cannot understand. Some relatives refuse to even consider and have made rude comments over the years. And, as I said in my other post, I've been attacked online because I am both a birth and adoptive mother. I have been boggled by the close-minded nature of people outside of the circumstances. I'm not sure why that is, perhaps stereotypes regarding birthmothers or perhaps ignorance and a lack of trying to learn of something outside of themselves.

But, as I said, things have worked well for those of us IN the situation. My birthdaughter was excited, her siblings were excited, my children were excited and our son was excited to join a family where he wasn't the only child adopted (nor the only child adopted from Africa even).

[MindyDear]

Brandy,

I have been looking through the site trying to find people who have been in my same situation....you're pretty darn close!!

My husband is adopted, I am a birth mom, and together we have adopted one daughter and are looking into adopting again.

Looking through your posts it seems that you were also considering adopting at one time. I can't find anything showing that you ever did adopt. Can you share with me some of your feelings about what you went through?

I'm thrilled to have found someone out there who could possibly relate!