[BrandyHagz]

Seven years ago, I placed my birthdaughter in open adoption. I have a wonderful relationship with her and both of her adoptive parents…but I sure wasn’t prepared for what I am facing now.

Having moved on and married, I tried to start a family with my husband…only then did I find out I am suffering from Secondary Fertility and Early Onset Menopause. I’m lucky enough to have been able to parent a son born before my daughter, but I find myself wanting more children.

Dealing with infertility and adoption can be a daunting task for anyone, but especially so for birthparents who have placed a child in adoption. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful open relationship with my daughter and her parents, and they have been very supportive of my desire to adopt.

I look forward to meeting others like me, and networking here on the forum

[aceirr]

I have a bson & bdaughter that are now 25 & 26. It was a closed adoption. I often wonder how they are and am searching for them. I also have a daughter that just turned 18. When I remarried I dreamed of having two more kids but that wasn't in the cards. I had four miscarriages and two failed IVF attempts. We are now in the process of adopting a beautiful boy. We lucked out by knowing the bmom so we haven't had to be on a long list. We have had Adam in our home since he was one month old ( he is now five months). I have never regreated my decision to give my children up I only wish that open adoption was an option. I feel that being through adoption helps to let you understand more of what the bparents are going through and you can also be a support for them.

[jhenrie]

WOW! Believe it or not, today is the first time ever that I have found that I am not the only birthmother/adoptive mother!!! <Jumping for Joy!> Well, I haven't officially adopted yet, but my husband & I finished our homestudy last month. We are pursuing an older child adoption. I gave my daughter up for adoption just over 8 years ago. 6 years ago, I gave birth to a son. Now, we want another child, but feel compelled to adopt a special needs child, rather than have another biological child. Many people close to me have asked me, "What do you thing [birthdaughter] will think when she finds out?" Well, I couldn't possibly answer that, but I hope she will take it in the loving & giving way it is intended. Still, that question seems to be kind of intrusive for people to ask! Oh well! Anyway, I'm glad to have found this board!!!

[aceirr]

Today was a very good day. We have been waiting for the bmom to sign papers so Adam could be "placed" with us and today was the day. I feel so much better. She has been putting it off for a long time. I told her I wanted to take him to the Dr. and his medicade expired last month so she would be responsible for the bill. She didn't like that so she signed. He is behind on his shots because she kept putting it off. I kept telling her how important it was to get them. I will sleep a lot better tonight. Now we need three more in-home visits to complete everything. The first one is next week.

[jhenrie]

HOW EXCITING! Congrats!!!!!!!!

[mom2jazzygirl]

Its so rare to find others in this situation. I've even faced quite a bit of attacks for being open and honest on the internet about my roll on both sides of parenting in the triad. I've been shocked to hear people inform me that I needed to 'take back' my 'first child 'and quite 'forsaking' her before I have any right to adopt another child. But, circumstances change and reasons for one placing a child no more condemn you to never parenting anymore than they make that decision wrong or invalid, imo.

I placed my first child for adoption in a familial placement 10 years ago. I went onto marry a wonderful man and parent 3 children we gave birth to as well. Last year, we started our journey into adoptive parenting with the process of adopting our oldest from Sierra Leone. He came home just before Christmas at 7 years old. And, I'm now researching our next adoption, which will probably be 18-24 months from now. We're thinking of looking into a sibling set from Liberia next adoption.

[jhenrie]

Good for you!! It's nice to hear a success story!!!

It is a hard position & can definitely come with a lot of judgment. (I actually had my best friend say, "Do you realize you will have done every option?") Geez! )

Anyway, like you said, circumstances change, & no one can fully understand unless they've walked in our shoes.

I'm just comforted to know that I'm not the only one in my shoes!! )

Joye

[TORRENSPENCER]

Wow, my first post after lurking here forever! I placed my daughter 15 years ago in a semi-open adoption. My dh and I are now in the process of a older child adoption through the state. The thing that made me most uncomfortable was sitting in any sort of "adoption seminar" and hearing people talk about "birthparents". I felt like I didn't belong there. One place even showed a video on why it was better to adopt from China because birth parents change their mind and take back their children. I feel so happy knowing i'm not alone.

[BrandyHagz]

Welcome Torren!

So you're adopting an older child? Domesticly or Internationally?


We're going the domestic route, and we start our classes next Thursday...we'd been putting it off because we were moving to a new county, and wanted to start there, rather than having to transfer everything!

I hope you'll post here, and stop lurking!

[TORRENSPENCER]

Thanks for the welcome! I've been kind of scared to post, not quite sure if I'll upset someone or do something wrong! We are going through the county foster care system for a girl between the ages of 5-11. We have been approved and "in the books" since August. Just waiting for our match!

[BrandyHagz]

Bah! The people here are mostly harmless...I wouldnt worry about it!

What state are you in?

How long did your homestudy take?

Did you share you "Birthmother" status with the social worker?

[jhenrie]

Torren...Have you checked out the photolistings in the other states as well? There are hundreds of girls out there in that age range. Just a thought.....

[TORRENSPENCER]

I'm in Colorado. Our homestudy took 2 days. She came to our house and talked to us both for about an hour, then I went back to work and she talked to my husband alone for another hour. Then I went to her house the next day and talked for about an hour. Two weeks later we had our approval from the county. We talked about my daughter, but not much. I was so afraid about the homestudy, but it was so easy. Actually, this whole process has been smooth, except the wait for our daughter now!

[BrandyHagz]

Wow!

I cant wait to be where you are!

Are you not accepting legal risk children?

[TORRENSPENCER]

jhenrie- We had to sign a contract that we would stay with the county for 6 months before we can go anywhere else. We have a month left till we can look elsewhere. I have my eye on a little girl in another county here.

BrandyHagz-At this time we are not doing legal risk because my husband is uncomfortable with it. But we have in our file that we would like to hear of a situation if they feel it is a good match. Our case worker is really great, she and my husband really "clicked". He is a youth corrections officer and they talk "shop" all the time.