[1977Angel]

I'm a birthmom from 1977. My daughter would be 25 now and I have NO idea where or how she is. I have made several feeble attempts over the years to glean information from Catholic Charities and have visited SEVERAL online databases looking for "THE" entry from a searching adoptee. Nothing! My question is this. Should I even try? Yes, I carry the guilt, shame and regret that you all speak of, therefore I don't feel I have the right to interfere in her life. Yet, there is this ache that never goes away,,, wondering if she is healthy, happy, does she need me or my information for anything. Is there something I could be doing for her? There are DOZENS upon dozens of websites with searching info posted to them. There are not enough hours in the day or dollars in my account to be able to search them all. MAYBE she isn't even on one of them. Now I've learned that Catholic Charities quite possibly changed her birthdate and location making the search even harder. Maybe she doesn't WANT or need me for anything?! The papers 25 years ago said that I relinquished ALL parental rights.... Maybe I truly don't have the right to find her?. Any thoughts shared would be appreciated. Thank you.

[pamelap1975]

As an adoptee, I have dreamed of knowing my birthmother all of my life. I hold no resentment towards her, and never have. I know she did what she did out of love. I am searching, and have been for about 5 years. I have had no good leads yet, but I will not stop until I find her. I guess you could say I do need her. There are so many unanswered questions, so many things I want to know. I would never intrude in her life if she doesnt want me, but I want to know her. I wish you luck in your search, it is a long hard road. If I can help you in any way please feel free to email me, pamelap@wtrt.net.

Pamela
03/22/75 Fort Worth TX, Edna Gladney Home

[briandnic]

Of course you have the right to look for your child. As an adoptee, I can tell you that we have the same feelings as you have. How do we know if we are going to be wanted. As a child, we don't know why we were were given away or what our birthmother's situation was like. I personally need to know these things. It would be nice if more birthmothers were looking so it would be easier to find them. I am still young with 2 children of my own to raise. I don't have the money to hire someone to do my search for me. As well as I don't have much information to go by. You said your child was given away in 1977. I was born 4-16-77 in Naples, FL. This is probably a long shot, but where was your child adopted? I wish you all the luck and definately keep on searching.

[1977Angel]

Briandnic, I wish I had matching information to give you. I'm afraid only the year matches. My daughter was born August 21, 1977 in Rochester, MN. Funny though, I did live in Naples, FL when I was a child. I wish you the best of luck in your search. I guess we all just have to believe that there is a higher power working with a larger plan than we know about. Some day it will all make sense.
Blessings to you.

[GailLane]

I call Catholic Charities and the Court house here in PA weekly. I ask if there has been any inquiries. So far none but, when the day comes I will be very happy. Don't give up. When I asked CC about the date changes the woman said "Your birth date is your birthdate and how could someone change it" I understand that it does happen but, I want to believe in my heart that they couldn't change it. Look and never give up. If this is not a secret like most people have, tell everyone that is what I do you never know who knows something. I tell my doctors my friends people I just mention things to. You never know. Why live everyday wondering you have done this for how long. I sometimes make my self sick thinking now I just wait and I know things will happen look at yourself and wonder if this little person that you gave away is anything like you they will one day seek for you. I believe. My adoption was in 1985 and from what I understand is when the laws changed. So if my daughters aparents never told her how would she know. You will find something just believe and never give up. I won't. Gail

[dkb60]

I had a daughter in 1978. I never would have looked for her. I have always felt it was her job or place to look for me if she ever wanted too. That is just my feeling for my situation and everyone has to come to their own place in this whole thing. Our birthdaughter found us about 18 months ago. It has been a wonderful experience.

My only suggestion is to prepare yourself for every outcome. The hard part of reunion is that there is no rule book and every situation is unique. Some are great, others fair and to be totally honest some reunions are bad. But having answers in any of the cases is empowering.

D

[GailLane]

When she found you did she ask if you were looking? I want her to know I am searching and trying everything I can to find her. I do not know what the first time will be like but I have this great anticipation. My family and friends all are aware of my situation and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the support I do have. I have friends on registries looking just in their spare time and my husband even went to the court house. I know sometimes It might seem like I am not giving her the choice but if she does look for me I hope she has no road blocks and I hope I have done everything I can to make it easy on her. Alot of us birthmothers just didn't know what else to do or have the choice. I am so glad your reunion went well and I hope that this will be my case. I am sure I will post and let everyone in my life know what is happening. Thanks for the reply it is good to hear stories that are real and turning out good. Gail

[dkb60]

When she found you did she ask if you were looking?


Gail, if you are asking me this. My bdaughter did ask me if I was or would ever have looked. I was very honest and told her I did not think I would have ever looked. I strongly felt it was her place to do that if she wished not mine. I did try to update (without success) medical info about 2 years prior to her finding me. My birthdaughter was willing upon finding me to have whatever type of contact I was open for. She was in the driver's seat for the search but she let me set the pace once she found me. She let me have the time I needed to adjust to the whole deal. That was so helpful.
D.

[GailLane]

It seems like both of you going into this reunion had an open mind and was ready for anything to come. Why was your medical updates not successful? I have done this and I am hoping it is going to help me and her get together. I hope you both have many happy years together to share and to fill each others lives with information. Thanks for listening

[dkb60]

Gail,
I just could never get the right person or department to call me back to get med info. The agency I used in 1978 has experienced many budget cuts and problems. I don't think they are doing everything they should be doing. IMHO
D

[Mary RamireZ]

As a birthmother you have the right to search for your birthchild,
some adoptes think that birthparents have no right to search.
When I was searching for my 22 year old son at UCLA was to young, I heard that male adopte do not search till they are in their 30s. I Search and met his adoptive mother, I learned about the lies that Holy Family told his mother. I have not met My birthson but knowing the lies is worth It I want my daughter
to met my birthson first. She is 25 and my birthson is 23.

lots of Love
Mary Mumby Ramirez
bsl2@aol.com

[GailLane]

Is this your opinion or a fact that ** have the right to look for their child? Where is your son and when will you meet

[babygirlhopper]

I was just wondering when and where she was born? I was born February 19, 1977 in Benson, Arizona

[LIR - NFL]

Mary, what lies did Holy Family say to admother? Was your bthdaughter adopted and you have reunion with her? How did reunion go with her? Doe she want to meet her bthbrother?

[sunflowerta]

When was your daughter born?