[BMTexas]

These past few yrs. since my birthdaughter turned thirteen I've been very emotionaly distressed. It's like I suddenly woke up and realized-Wow! She's
a teenager now, in five yrs. (now three yrs. ) we can legally search for each other! In three yrs. she's an "adult", well almost.

All this time she's been a little girl, a bigger girl, I haven't even looked for her
birthfather, even thought she would even want to know who he was. So all the sudden I find myself frantic about searching out who her birthfather was
so I would have something/some information about him. But my husband doesn't want me to search for him, he says he doesn't want me to get wrapped up in that, or distracted.
I tried looking for her birthfather, but my husband made me stop. He asked me not to look for him to begin with, that *if* he needed to be found I could do it later, after my birthdaughter contacted me. But I didn't listen to him, and I had to have it my way.

So I started searching for her birthfather, so I would have some info. to give her about him when we make contact. Soon I was getting more and more
upset and emotionaly distressed to the point that I was living in the past, I couldn't function in today, and acting crazy and just plain getting myself depressed over my failures/failed relationships of the past. I also became
enfatuated with this man, her birthfather who didn't care about me when I then, this man I didn't even know, and who didn't even care enough about me to wait until I'm at least half sober to ask me out. What did I expect him to do for me now? after fifteen yrs.? ....But this was for her, my birthdaughter whom he probably wouldn't even admit was his.


Well, we had a humdinger of a fight the other day and like I said I've been sort of out-of-it since I started searching
for her birthfather, and because of the isolation, but was getting better. But he has lost all patience with me. He doesn't understand that I'm human and I need
a social life, that it's hard being an isolationist in a travel trailer with four kids, trying to homeschool. Add that to the fact that I'm 2,000 miles from home living in WA state (but I'm from Texas) and all my relatives are from Texas.

He called the police on me over our last fight. The policemen didn't even want to talk to me. I guess because my husband called, but you know they don't want to arrest another man anymore over a domestic case. I think the fight was both of our faults, but maybe if I would have listened to him and not try to look up her birthfather, all this wouldn't have happened.

They took me to jail, I went to court, and they told me to plead
innocent because this was my first offence and the attorney said, "Look, I've been doing this for a long time. " I wanted to plead guilty because I thought I would have no chance. The attorney and judge would neither let me plead guilty, but
insisted I plead innocent. I have another court date in about two weeks. This is the final one. There will be a jury.
I'm just so nervous. I feel so mistreated, so betrayed, so hated. I feel like I'm going to lose all my children all over again.
I have been living in this travel trailer for two years with two rowdy boys, two girls, homeschooling, not allowed to see family or have any friends, not allowed to even have a church.

I'm writing here because I really need some support right now as I prepare for the case.

In the meantime, I recently started attending a church and they helped us get a house. We can finaly park this travel trailer again be a real family (or can we?). But I still have the court date looming over me. If I get prosecuted I have to
spend a year in jail. I don't think I deserve this! I feel like I've been in jail already for two-three yrs. , isolated from friends, family, church.

What do you think? I need some advice.

** Texas

[Mary J. Barber]

I can understand what your going through. Yes Prayer does help but dont just wait for God to answer because he answers on his own terms. You need to tell your Attorney all that you have printed in this site. Just leave out the part of you hitting. If you know your family's address then for goodness sakes, wrhite to them and tell them what is going on and that you "need their help!" I'm sure you can walk to get your letter mailed or you can call your family collect. But you really do need to get away from that "Mad Mad" and quick! Talk to you attorney. You can probably make a Cross Suit against that Mad Man. Just try to calm yourself, that is very imporant.
email me. maryjb830@cs.com

[lbmckay]

Dear Texas birthmom,
Please listen and follow this advice. Run, do not walk, to your nearest women's shelter. You can find them in the yellow pages. Take your children with you. Leave this man now, and go to where he cannot hurt you or the kids. An abuser will always abuse again, and it always gets worse and worse. It will not get better. Your only chance for survival is to leave. Don't tell anyone, just do it.
It is not your fault. You are an abused woman. You deserve to be safe and have a normal life. You can achieve these things, but you MUST leave. Now.
Best of luck... and a hug,
Linda
www.visi.com/~lbmckay

[searchingwriter]

woah, hold the phone-nobody has the right to hit you sweetheart! Take those kids and run, this man is NOT to be trusted!!!! It's best if you leave at night, so he won't be able to follow, but go AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! You did nothing wrong, you are the victim here. Just get out of there quick! okay

Jessica


"Another bruise to try to hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there's hope on the darkness
You know you're going to make it..."
~Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones of Savage Garden: Song-"Two Beds And a Coffee Machine"

[elmoslove]

I agree RUN!!!I live in Dallas and know there are places for you...It will never stop.Run before it gets worse. What if he decided to take it out on the kids then what?? You deserve better and so do the kids.. Don't let him force you in to anything if you want to leave and he wont let you. CAll 911 he came be arrested for it. and they will take you somewhere. Once in a shelter you will be safe. And Honey find another lawyer please!!!!My dad's a cop and I know you don't have to go to jail for that. Call around and you can fire your lawyer and reset the court date. they can't force you to keep the lawyer or plea anything. Even if you were guitly plea no contest. But please find a new lawyer!!!!

[Linda anklam]

Granted I don't have any kids I"m an adoptee. I agree with the other posts RUN RUN as fast as you can away from this mad man.
I was married for 5and 1/2 years to an abusive man. I thought things might get better but they didn't. The day I left was 2 years ago on the 15 of November. He had grabbed my wrist because I didn't do something right for him for breakfast. I told him that he had better get off of my arm before he broke it.
I left shortly after he went to work He thought that I was going to work that day and he was surprised when he got home to find the mess that he left still on the floor, some of my stuff gone, I was gone and so was my dog. He told me under no terms was I getting the dog. I was asked several times by my mother-in-law to come back and try and work things out. Just leaving isn't the answer she said.
If only they knew what he put me thru. He would hit me and leave Bruises where nobody could see them. He pushed me into a closet backwards. That was the last straw. He did all this under the influence of drugs and alchol.

[JORDANMODE]

I know leaving seems hard .. but staying will (if it is not already) become harder ... I have been in the abusive isolated relationship ... was hit in the head repeatedly (cause you can't see the bruises there) when I finally left I had lost many things but the most important and most "felt" loss was that of "self" I had lost me .. and had no idea where to find me ....... the isolation the removal of any outlet .. the control ......... the physical nature GET OUT ....... and do not look back ... plan ahead though ... ask your church or better yet have them refer a church in another state ... go to a shelter ..... are the kids his ?? whats that situation ... also realize this he probably will not leave you alone until he finds someone else to take your place or until he is in jail .. do not go back to him if you leave no matter how hard it is ......... trust me ......... been there done that .. if you need me email me directly at jordanmode@aol.com .......... ill keep you close in prayer

[ronsmichelle]

Hi,
My name is Michelle. I have read you post. First of all I would like to say you are not crazy or a bad woman. I am the child of an abusive father. And I do mean every kind of abuse there is. My father has called me every name in the book as a child. Well the might I finally got away from him was the night my life before that night had started all over again. My mother had left my father then abandoned me. I have been in foster homes and with relatives since. I met the love of my life when I was 17 (or so I thought). I went through the exact same thing you are now. I have been called crazy and a few other choice names I will not write on here. I am sure you probably know what I am saying.He began to abuse me hitting and cusing me for everything in the book. I was not allowed to speak to anyone on the phone or in person. He would go through my clothes and throw away what he did not want me wearing. I was not allowed to have or spend money. I was not allowed to speak to my family members. I could only speak to his. When I had to take the kids to the doctor he would accuse me of cheating with the doctor or going somewhere else. He has called me crazy and I have actually been in a mental hospital for trying to commit suiside. I thought that was the only way out then. I was only 18 and had a child at the time. My family would not have anything to do with me at all. I had him put in jail so many times. I was working one day and he called my work and told me I better get home now. So I was afraid and so I can home he wanted me to go buy beer for him. I told him no so he began to hit me he sat on top of me so I could not move at all. He hit me in the head with a cooking pot until the handle broke off. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I have carried black eyes and bruises for along time as a child and an adult. My life has gotten better since he has gone to jail for three months. That was 2 years agon and he has never hit me again because I finally had enough and let all my feelings out and told him thatif he hit me again I would kill him if I had to. I am 27 now I have 4 children, 2 boys; Ronnie-8, Dustin-6 and 2 girls; Brianna-5 and Faith-2. My oldest child is 80 percent deaf. My second child has a kidney disease. If I had it to do over again theere is no way that I would. I guess what I am saying is that you need to get away while you still can. My life today is still afected by what I have been through in my life. As a child being abused and watching my mother being abused has caused me to have chronic manic depression or so the doctors say. I still have panic attacks and am very nervous about every little thing. I get upset about everything. What I am trying to say is that if you do not get out for yourself you really need to get out for your children. Because even if he does not hit them now they still see what you are going through and it will affect them when they get older I am proof of this.I always wondered why this had to happen to me. I know how you are feeling and I also know how hard it is to leave someone you love and care about so much. I know how they always say they are sorry and they will never do it again. You are a special lady and you need to live your life the way you want to. Not the way someone tells you to it is just that YOUR LIFE. I am sorry to take all of your time. I just want to help you. I know it does not always get better. I wish you all the luck in the world.
May God Bless You and always watch over you. I hope that I have helped you in some way.
You can email me anytime you need to talk about anything. I also think that if you leave your husband it would be better to leave right after he goes to work then you know you will have that much time ahead of him.
Sincerely,
smichellek@aol.com Your Friend,
Michelle

[walshybutts]

You and your children will be in my prayers tonight. *h*

[BabyGirlMissour]

Sweetheart-get out of there as fast as you can. I realize that as an abused woman it is hard to make those decisions for yourself after years of being told what to do. Look deep into yourself, you got with this man out of a desperation of control of you life. You now realize that this is not the best decision. Screw all of that "he's my children's father" crap...who cares what he is?? If he doesn't support you, give you the emotional support you need, and thinks that he can ISOLATE you from everyone who can give you that support, he does NOT love you. These men are horrible people that do this....and they come disguised very well. Please listen to everyone else that has asked you to do the same thing. You can get out of there!! It does not have to be like this. I hear that you are exhausted and more importantly, you are exhausted with how your life is progressing. DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!! TRUST IN GOD!! Honey, God would not want you in any place that causes you harm!! How do you think your children will react to this domestic violence when they are older?? Females will think that it's an exceptable way to be treated, and males will think that it's the way to treat women. Please, for your sake, and your children, get out of the situation. He is making you out to be the BAD PARENT for one reason...more control. He has you believing everything he says, I'm sure of it. I was there once. Honey, it was because I was pregnant with my daughter, that I left. No explanation, no nothing, I left and ran to my parents. I would never allow my daughter to come into this world around that man. He had me so scared, but I left because it wasn't about me anymore and what I was scared of, I imagined how things would be if I stayed and how that would affect her. Please leave him, and take your children with you...PLEASE, I am begging you to do that!! You will encounter many, many people and organizations that will help you. You are a valuable person and a very intelligent woman-you're homeschooling your children, you must be. Please, get out before it is too late and he completely tarnishes your reputation and takes control of your children's minds!!

[vicrose]

all these women are right honey - RUN!!!!! I was married to an abuser for 4 years, and he isolated me from my family, friends, and even made me quit my job, so that I would have no one to talk to but him!!! You say he has two jobs, so that means that you have time to pack up yours and the kids belongings and hit the road. Maybe the people from the church will help you, but if not, leave the stuff behind and call a women's shelter for help. Domestic violence doesn't just affect you, think about your kids and what they are witnessing they're mother go through!!! Your son's and daughter's are witnessing they're mother go through sheer hell, and it will scar them for life. And what about when he's done abusing you, who will he turn to next to abuse?! The kids!! I beg you to get some help!!!! My family didn't really help me, but that's because I didn't ask for help, I was too embarrassed, but reach out to someone. Sincerely, Brenda....

[renee_1970]

Go to the shelter and get help. They will do everything for you and your kids til you get better. I would not tell ANYONE until you are safe. The shelter will tell you that also. No one deserves this!! He doesn't know how to love, and you don't need that. RUN w/ your kids and don't look back. Be strong.. Renee

[driedle]

You sound like a fairly level headed person....get out before he changes that too. I have seen too many programs and specials on men like him. He is a control freak. For you and your childrens sake...run...run fast! There are places to go that he will not be able to find you. Contact your local First Call for Help. Please keep us posted. More than likely there is someone on this board that can help or knows someone who can help you. You don't want your kids growing up thinking this is the norm do you? Stop the chain...

[Dixierae]

Hi,
I do think all the ladys here already said it, GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW,,, You know deep down if you want to live and save your children you have to take that first step, just one and then another.

No one can really imangine what its like to live like that
no one should ever have to, I lived it leave now or asasp







youll be in my thoughts may God Bess you and yours

[CowgirlUp]

I agree with everything that everyone else has said to you. Unfortunately i'm afraid that if you do not leave now, you might not be fortunate enough to leave later. You sound like a good mother who wants the best for herself and her children, you must without a shadow of a doubt walk away now and do not look back. They will do, and try to say anything to make you stay and then it will get worse.
My prayers are with you, be strong enough to go and keep going.
Mary Jo