[humbird753]

I haven't posted much on this web site in a while, but I have gotten on and read a lot from all in the triad.

I had emailed my daughter through what I thought was a good email avenue 3 times since last October.

Last night I finally got the courage to call her adoptive mom and talked with her. She took my name, phone number, and email address and said she'd contact my birth daughter (who is now 38 years old).

Anyway, when I got to work today and opened my email, there it was ..... THE FIRST LETTER FROM HER! She said she was shocked to hear I was looking for her, but pleasantly surprised. She said she cried after she hung up the phone last night with her mom. She asked me to write back to tell he a few things about me, wanted me to attach a picture, and also said she is looking forward to talking with me soon and entered her cell phone number.

God is good

I did respond by sending her an email today a few hours ago and did include a couple of pictures so she could see if there was a resemblance.

Not sure what's next. But I wanted to share this with all of you in this site. It has been very educational and emotional for me since I got my daughter's adoptive name last October, 2008. I am glad I did not get a response then as I know now that I was not prepared. Not that you can ever really be prepared, but I did need to educate myself somewhat on how complex adoption really is, read points of views from adoptees, adoptive moms, and also birth moms.

Thank you to all who have read and/or responded to any of my posts. Will keep everyone posted.

God bless,

Humbird

[loveajax]

Congratulations, Humbird!! I am so very happy for you!! I hope your reunion with your DD goes well! Keep us posted!

[SoniaRose]

What wonderful news!!! Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you!!!

Your head must be spinning since you got such a quick response after the phone call. WOW.

I wish you all the best in your reunion. Glad to hear that her amom is receptive as well. Great news!!! Keep us posted.

[quantum]

Fabulous humbird!!!
I'm so happy for you.
I wish you all the best on this road. It's CRAZY!
Keep in touch.

[Janeytwo]

((( Humbird )))

So glad for you!!!!

Keeping posting on how it all goes!!! :-) :-)

[sstuart]

Congratulations!! I hope that it all goes well. And be thankful for the time you had here to learn prior to your reunion, I know I am. I have a wonderful reunion and things I learned here sure did help me.

[txrnr]

That's great!

[SuddenlySusan]

Congratulations, HumBird! It probably is good that you had some time to prepare for this journey. I'm so happy for you. And, don't forget to breathe...

Best wishes,
Susan

[zxczxcasdasd]

I just saw this today! Congratulations!

[thanksgivingmom]

Congratulations!!!!

[humbird753]

I first want to thank everyone for their comments. You are all appreciated very much.

Update - It's been a little over a week since my first email from my daughter. We have emailed back and forth, and will soon be talking on the phone with one another. I'm a little nervous about that. It's hard for my mind to connect giving birth to a "baby" and now seeing pictures of a 38-yr-old woman. I have never been able to have more children so have never been a "mom." I am not sure if I know how to "act."

Her aMom has been great. She asked for my home address and is going to send pictures of my daughter, starting of course when she was young. What a blessing.

I never expected the acceptance I am receiving from my daughter and her amom. They are both very kind.

I expect to be talking with my daughter before the end of this week. Will let you know how it goes.

Thanks again for all comments.

Humbird

[zxczxcasdasd]

Sounds like a great start. I'm happy for you!

[Blessed2x.]

How very exciting!! Yeah!!!!

[quantum]

Wow! That's great!

I wouldn't worry too much about being a 'mom'. Although I must say I was really surprised how the reunion with my son has gone. He has two other moms in his life- amom and a stepmom. I've just been myself, tried not to be too momish. BUT sometimes I definately get the feeling that he wants me to take that roll in certain aspects of our relationship.
It's weird!

Have fun in your next step!!

[austin0i]

Originally Posted by quantum

BUT sometimes I definately get the feeling that he wants me to take that roll in certain aspects of our relationship.It's weird!

Each adoptee is different and I would not want to speak for your daughter, but there are feelings the adoptee experiences when reconnecting with the natural mother that draw us to her. I was 39 when I reunited and feelings arose that I never expected.

It may be "weird" to some bio moms, but I would encourage you to read some books from the adoptee perspective, so if your daughter shows signs of acting this way, you understand where it is coming from.

Just like many adoptees try to understand why we were left by our bio families, it would is very beneficial for bio moms to try to understand the adoptee side of things . If you educate yourself, you will not think it "weird", but rather you can understand and act accordingly.

It is natural for the adoptee to experience feelings of attachment to the bio mom, as we have never had this experience before. People who are not adopted, can not understand this, and that includes bio moms. Most of you were raised by your biological mothers.

If your daughter does reach out to you in ways which make you think she wants you to "mother" her, it is probably from a place that needs assurance that she is loved. Being abandoned by your bio mom can leave big holes of insecurity, that at times, need "mothering" and reassurance.

It helps when the bio mom understands where these issues and feelings are coming from. I am sure it will help move your relationship forward.

Good luck!

Kim