[loveajax]

My DH just sent off yesterday this letter to his birth mom (DH is 41...I "think" most of you awaiting first contact may have younger kids, but anyway...). He would absolutely KILL me for posting this, but last night (after he sent the letter) he told me that he really hopes his birth mom contacts him (prior to sending the letter, he said he "simply" wanted to make sure she knew he was OK, thank her, etc.). Anyway, do you think this letter makes it seem like he is "indifferent" to contact....btw, he did put his email and cell number at the bottom of the letter and a return address on the envelope. (I hate to be paranoid, but I'm worried that maybe he should have ASKED her to contact him if she wanted to?).

Dear _____,


My name is ____. I was born on _____, 1966, and I believe that you are my birth mother. I hope this letter doesn’t come as too much of a shock to you but I am simply writing to thank you. You see, recently my wife Karen and I adopted a beautiful little girl, my daughter _____. In going through the adoption process with _____, my eyes were opened to a number of things, particularly the difficult issues and choices that a birth mother faces. In meeting with _____’s birth mother, she stressed that she wanted _____to know that she loved her and that she wanted her to have a better life than she could provide for her. Through updates, she is able to see that _____ is an amazing, thriving, happy little girl. I know times have changed, especially in the adoption world, and I’m sure that things could not have been that easy for you forty years ago. I figured that I would take a little time to give an update of my own.

I grew up in the ______ with my parents, both incredibly loving, supportive and caring people. The love they have shown me (and still do) is almost indescribable. My childhood years were filled with nothing but happy memories and I had the best upbringing that I could ever wish for. I also have an older brother and younger sister, both of whom I love very much and remain close with. Although the three of us were all adopted, I guess you could say we had a very normal upbringing. Our family remains very close and we see each other all the time.

I am married to my wife of nine years, Karen, who means the world to me. She understands me and loves me, and we have a very special relationship. Together we adopted our wonderful daughter, ____, who is now 2 years old. She is the love of our lives and she brings us so much happiness that it is difficult to put into words.

When my daughter _____ was born, I made a promise to her that I would let my birth mother know that I turned out okay. I hope that if you ever had any lingering doubts about the decision you made 41 years ago, this letter will put those to rest. I harbor no resentment at all and I look at that decision as an unselfish and caring one. Again, I don’t mean to invade your privacy or upset you in any way with this letter, and I certainly don’t want you to feel any pressure whatsoever to respond. I just wanted to thank you and let you know that life is good.



Yours truly,


_______

(sorry, for the redacting, DH is an incredibly private person!!!)

Thanks, Karen

[keds]

Karen, I am only recently in reunion and my bson's first letter was very similar and I thought OK he's just putting my mind at ease. We have grown closer as we both open up to each other. He didn't ask for a response but, in my experience with others, if a phone and address are included it is a "silent" permission to contact. It is difficult and more so as I think both of us want to make sure we don't hurt the other's feelings by wanting too much, or too little, but time is the most important thing. Your son's letter is well written and I do hope she responds, I know that I would! Your love for your son is evident in your post and I wish you both the best.

[loveajax]

keds, thank you!! this is actually my husband, not my son, but i do love him alot!! i am hoping she does contact him...and they have a successful reunion like you and ds! thanks again! karen

[Jackiejdajda]

I like the letter.. I like it a lot..

What more could a birthmom want.. He is fine and he had a good life.. he was loved.. is loved..

Your husband is like my bson.. I have great joy knowing he is okay..

And if your husband is a private person take care if a reunion does happen.. I noticed I could have gotten into his wife big time.. and I think my bson would have just stood in the background being private..


Jackie

[josh1788smom]

I think the letter is very typical of men in general. My husband is 42, and I could see him writing in a similar fashion. I think the phone and e-mail in "guy terms" means, "I hope you contact me, but I am not going to ask for it because my life is great and fine, but I would like to know you want to know more about me." Just my opinion of the man mind. Plus - they are strangers; they have had a lot of time to think about each other, but they are strangers. I can't imagine a man saying, "hey mom come join me, Karen, and the kids for Christmas Eve - I love you." to the bmom he never met - although - I could see a woman doing it. (haha).

I'll be thinking and wishing the best for your husband and your family. AND if I have to wait until my son is 41 to get a letter from him - you all will totally have to talk me down off a ledge! (just kidding - sort of)

[loveajax]

Thank you, Jackie and Josh'smom. It is so very "male" -- exactly!!!

I hope she contacts him as well! If not, then I feel that it has been at least "cathartic" for him (in some way) to reach out to her. He was acting so "ambivalent" about all of this, so I was surprised (pleasantly) when he told me he really wants contact.

Thanks for your input! Karen

[lahdh4]

I think it is a great letter!!!

[RavenSong]

Hi, Karen...

I think your husband's letter to his birth mother is a beautiful one. It sounds so balanced and grounded to me. I wouldn't worry about him not coming right out and asking her to respond. His sentence that says, "Again, I don’t mean to invade your privacy or upset you in any way with this letter, and I certainly don’t want you to feel any pressure whatsoever to respond." leaves the door open for her to contact him. I'm sure she will realize that she has his permission to contact him because he included email address, cell-phone number, and residence address.

If by chance she doesn't reply immediately, I wouldn't rule it out in the future. It may take her some time to process everything. In the meantime, your husband has given his bmom an incredible gift that she'll hold close to her heart ~ the knowledge that he's alive, doing well, and living a blessed life.

[SuddenlySusan]

Karen,

That was a wonderful letter, and by including contact info I would certainly take that as an invitation to respond. It may take her some time to do so, however. Perhaps even months. Now is when he learns about patience.

Best wishes,
Susan

[keds]

Karen, my apologies to you and your husband for my mistake! All the best to the two of you.

[loveajax]

thank you all for your encouragement ....it just made me cry!