[loveajax]

I posted a similar question in another place, but thought I get more "action" here.

DH has located his birth mom and (allegedly...it takes him forever to do anything, but that's another story!) is writing a contact letter.

A couple of qs:

We know that DD's birth mom lives with her DH, her son (born after DH) and son's wife fairly close to us. Then in the winter she goes to FL....Do you think it is "OK" for DH to send the letter to the house where the son lives (we have no idea whether he or even her DH know about the adoption...she also placed an older sister of DH's but has three older boys that she parented). Or should he wait until she is down in FL?

Assuming that he decides to send it to the local address, is it OK for him to send this letter during the holiday season. DH says he is "worried" about "upsetting" his birth mom around the holidays. I told him that is assuming a lot but I mean this will be coming out of the blue for her, I'm sure (DH is 41 yrs old).

I know we don't know HER and what she would want, but I would love any insight here. I hate to say it, but this is stressing me out because I just want DH to send the letter (I hate when things are just "out there" though I know it's his call, obviously).

TIA!

[Mommy24]

Hard call. On one hand it could be a wonderful "gift" to receive at this time of year, on the other, like your hubbys says, it could be upsetting. I would personally send the letter, whenever you send it, to the address where you anticipate her being at the time, so that in the event no one knows she will receive it and act accordingly.

I am sure that it will come as a shock to her either way, now or later, but I am with you, I need things done yesterday.

Best of luck to you all!

[loveajax]

Thank you, M! It's a "tough" call....

Yes, I am paranoid about her being in the "wrong" location when the letter is sent. Because of her occupation, we can sort of tell (online) which place she will be at.

Thanks again.

[Jackiejdajda]

I was contacted late 1999.. Just before Christmas..

The joy of his finding me.. via email.. went beyond anything..
Christmas and birthdays have never been big in my life tho..

I did them but I did not/do not.. look forward to them..

Jackie

[loveajax]

Thank you, Jackie....I am thinking it could be a wonderful "present" for her to know that, if nothing else, DH is alive, healthy and happy.

I am glad that it was such a great gift for you! Karen

[browneyes0707]

When I was thinking of sending contact to DD's mom, it was when the family was on vacation. I decided that I wanted to wait for them to get back so that the letter didn't get lost (neighbor may be picking up the mail or something) . Then I thought of the fact that it was only a few weeks before DD started high school , and maybe that wouldn't be the best time to contact her. Then she had to adjust to high school. Then it would be Christmas. And then finals.

You get the idea. there is always a reason to wait. But then again, you never want to waste time either, life being so short. So my point is to go with your gut. I ended up just sending the letter after they got back from vacation, because I knew I'd think of a reason to wait. And I'm glad I did!

I'd definitely send the letter to Fla, don't want to chance it being lost!

I wish your DH a positive and speedy response!

[loveajax]

Thank you, Brown....I feel like DH has been "stalling" and I'm sure it's for his own emotional reasons (he's not very expressive about this stuff!) but I think now is as good a time as any! There are always "reasons" not to do something, right!?