[Jackiejdajda]

Such wonderful news..
My bson does not do emails.. and I have a hard time with phone..
He used to call me late at nite and it made me crazy as I never knew when he was going to call and I tried to be prepared..
Those phone calls put me through the emotional ringer.. but knowing he was okay was beyond wonderful..

It has given me such a peace of mind.. knowing about his life.. I think of him now and my mind goes.. ahhhh all is well..

I don’t know if you have seen this anonymous letter but maybe you can print it up for him to read..
Reunion Socialization

I sent it to my bson after someone sent it to me when we first contacted..

Jackie

[loveajax]

Jackie, thank you so much for posting that....It's like many things in adoption...what the heck are you supposed to do/how to act/how to feel? I feel totally emotional (in fact I had a weird "panic attack" the other night) so I can only imagine how DH feels (and he is a typical GUY so who the heck really knows?!!).

Again, to all, thank you sooooooooo much. Happy Turkey Day!!!!

[josh1788smom]

Congratulations!! I am happy for your family. Your post made me take a moment and think - perhaps the length in her response was due to her health ailments. How easy it is for us to get mad at not getting a response when we want one. Your post made me realize, I don't know what is going on with the other person, and maybe they cannot respond right when I want them to, but UGH! I hate patience.

Cheers to your family's patience paying off for all of you.

Have a wonderful holiday.

[loveajax]

Thank you, Josh'smom! Patience is not my strong suit, to say the least!!!

[Blessed2x.]

This is very exciting. When the intermediary I used told me she thought she had found my birthmother, it hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden, the shadowy figment of my imagination was a living, breathing human being. And I cared about knowing her as a person. It was all so surprising, emotional, and thrilling.

I am glad for your hubby and will say a prayer for a smooth connection.

Bless you all!

[loveajax]

thank you, blessed....he is finally writing his response and he says it is hard! I am glad it sounds as if you had a wonderful reunion!

[SuddenlySusan]

So happy for all of you! Did DH send his letter? Best wishes to you all for a gentle and loving new year.

[cetalley]

lOVEJAX, Please come update us. This is a New Year, for New beginnings...Blessings

[loveajax]

Thank you, guys.

Well, the really good news is that they have been emailing each other. She seems like a really sweet woman. She also provided medical history, some family history, etc.

The "sad" news is that she suffered a stroke and apparently is pretty disabled (her hubby also has alzheimers). She has not "responded" to DH's requests to meet/talk. At first I thought it was because she has not told anyone of DH, but some wise woman (you know who you are!) now made me realize it's likely that she may be embarassed to meet if she looks/talks differently as a result of the stroke.

DH told me last night that this is kind of like "chinese water torture"...he is so not an email person. Not that he's not glad that they have been in contact, just that I think he would like to take it a step further. Baby steps!!

Thank you all again so much for your warm thoughts and support!!

[belleinblue1978]

I just found this thread and I'm so happy for your husband LA.

My aunt has Bell's Palsy and won't eat out in public anymore b/c of the droop in her mouth. I'm also betting that meeting new people isn't at the top of her list either. It is so sad that we as society place so much emphasis on looks that people miss out.

I'm glad he has gotten some information. There is nothing like having those "missing" bits filled in.

[loveajax]

Thank you, Belle!!!

[thanksgivingmom]

LA _ SO glad to read this!!!!! (Of course, not the part where she's sufferred a stroke and hasn't responded to meeting, but that they're communicating!)

[loveajax]

Thanks, Tmom!!!

One other question. His birth mom did not mention his older sister who was placed for adoption when describing her family. (which I understand...i'm pretty sure it's true because it was all over the nonid info and the SW at Cath Charities described a letter that birth mom wrote to this DD). anyway, DH has been thinking about locating and trying to meet this sister (I don't think he will contact his other sibs because he does not want to "out" his birth mom). Do you think he should tell his birth mom he is doing this? I know he doesn't need "permission," but I don't know...it feels sort of weird. Then again, I also feel like he has the "right" to do so if he wants to.

Oh, sorry one other thing...should he ask his birth mom about this sister anyway? I am so worried that all of this could be super stressful to her.

[RavenSong]

LoveAjax, I'm going to have to think a bit more about this, I think. Normally, I would suggest that your DH tell his birthmom that he already knows about his sister and that he wants to contact her. But in light of bmom's stroke, I'm wondering if it may just be better to go ahead on his own, and contact his sister.

As you know, my mom suffered a stroke last August. I've noticed lately that she really cannot handle stress at all. She feels completely overwhelmed from trying to figure out her medical bills, for example. Also, if I jump from one subject to the next too quickly, she gets confused and overwhelmed. The other area that the stroke has affected is her long-term memory. She has trouble remembering the names of people from her past.

I'm hoping and praying that your DH's birthmom will eventually agree to meeting him in person. But the "appearance" thing is a huge issue for stroke survivors. My mom is still refusing to be around people...she just feels too embarrassed. I think there's a good chance, though, that his birthmom will change her mind, especially if he tells her how important it is for him to meet her.

In the meantime, I guess my "vote" goes toward DH directly contacting his sister. Btw, his birthmom may have not told him about relinquishing his sister due to shame. I know you've read a lot about how during the "closed era" of adoptions, society stigmatized women who became pregnant outside of marriage. Relinquishing one child was bad enough...society on the whole allowed women to redeem themselves if they surrendered their babies conceived out of wedlock. But society also assumed that we had "learned our lesson" after placing our firstborn children. Women who found themselves in the same position for a second time were completely ostracized and demonized. I'm not surprised that a birthmom from that time period wouldn't be forthcoming about the relinquishment of a second child.

Has DH asked his bmom for any photos yet? Has he sent her any pictures of your family? This might be a way to open the door to a meeting in the flesh. (Also, I have to say that the photos of my son are one of my biggest blessings in life. I love to take them out from time to time...I can get lost for hours looking at his photo albums.)

[LeandrasStepMom]

Loveajax,

I don't know much about the bmom & your husband meeting but before my mom had me she had 2 sons that she gave up for adoption, they would be about 35 & 37 now. These adoptions were done when everything was closed and as infants. I have asked my mother several times but she does not feel she is ready to be found by them, I respect her wishes but personally I would love to find my 2 half brothers & build a relationship with them. My problem with finding them is my mother & grandmothers information varies SO much that it's hard to sort through as does their information on my bdad.

I wish you the best of luck & hope your husband is able to find his sister, I know I would LOVE to hear from my brothers.