[lahdh4]

Welcome to the fun place Texas yes we are a bit loony but then again -- can you blame us?
I really don't have any advice for you but that you just have to honest. Tell her that while she wants to know it is very hard for you and that you will tell her.

No shopping yesterday, C called and I was up at her place until about 10pm. So happy since we went to a restaurant right near her house that has the best Turkey, bacon cheese melt on chiabitta bread (?)

[Tigger27]

Thanks for the advice and thoughts, Quantum.

We do meet those 3 things you listed and I have thought about pre-marital counseling also, but haven't felt like I needed to push for that just yet, but it's still there in case things don't keep progressing the way they are in a positive direction.

I have been trying to get in touch with one of my former counselors for the past week or two to touch base with him about things and check in to make sure I'm okay and not repeating any old mistakes or anything. I'm also trying to touch base with my former counselor to see about getting some help and advice on the idea of what to do or what needs to be done to help things more with communication or what not.

Anyway, I also want to talk to my former counselor just to have him tell me I'm okay or whatever and so that if needs be I can go into counseling by myself and have the boy come "sit in" on some of my sessions as another approach to getting the boy more comfortable with the idea of counseling. He's had a bad experience or two with trying to go talk to counselors himself in the past so he's not too keen on the idea, but he has told me that if we keep working on things and find/decide it's necessary, he's willing to go/try some couples/pre-marital counseling with me and he's willing to sit in on individual sessions if I go talk to my counselor and my counselor wants to do some sessions with me again.

He's willing to do whatever and work things out with me even if he has to try/do counseling with me, but he kind of wants to try these other things we've been doing and see if we can keep working things out by ourselves right now before we go to counseling and since we've been doing better and progressing in the right direction...I haven't pushed counseling on him anymore for now, but I still have it in mind if we get to a point where we've done all we can and still feel we need some help before we get married.

I'm all for couples counseling, but I'm taking the slow way around to it and trying other things for his benefit at this point because I know he's had a bad experience with talking to counselors in the past.

Anyway, how's that for rambling lol. But yeah our issues aren't the material things so much as communication type things and trying to help each other understand where the other is coming from and accept that we're not going to change certain things about each other and be okay and still love and accept each other despite our faults and so forth.

It does make me feel better to realize that we do have those 3 things you listed going for us though.

And you're right there isn't too much need to rush other than sometimes I feel the need because of my clock ticking lol and it is better to work things out now rather than later. I don't want to go through another divorce...I want to get married this time for keeps.

Thanks for letting me ramble. Hope everyone's having a fun and restful Sunday .

[zxczxcasdasd]

Tigger,

Hubby and I absolutely knew we would get married before we even had a first date, but we still dated for a year and then started 6 months of pre-marital counseling before we even got engaged. In fact, we used the Prepare/Enrich tool that Kathy's mentioned a few times. It was really great in that it hit so many areas critical to marriage...26 or something around there I think. A lot of other "programs" or classes will only hit on 4 or 5.

I think it was really great for us, because it brings that stuff to the surface that tends to be left perenially unsaid but can be toxic to marriage- or addresses the stuff that is said that shouldn't be. It also works on communication skills, because a good counselor with force both of you to listen (or learn to listen) to each other and to speak to each other.

That said, a good or bad counselor can really make a huge difference so do everything you can to get someone with experience, a PhD if possible, specializing in marital and pre-marital issues and that other therapists can recommend. Just start asking.

It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you as couple, it just means that because you take your relationship and potential marriage seriously, you want to be prepared and ready in every way possible.

It's your choice of course- I just want to cast my personal vote for pre-engagement counseling. I will be advising my kids to do the same when the time comes for them. I just think, shouldn't you go through all that stuff before you make a decision to get married?

[quantum]

Oh Anne! Thank you so much for not getting upset at my post. I'm glad you took it in the way I meant it!
I think it IS great you guys are talking about things BEFORE you take the plunge! And I can completely get how bad counselling could make your boy quite cautious. It's hard enough to open up, KWIM?

Clock ticking...I know what you mean there too. It's kind of like we hit a point in time in life where we really need to know where things are going because we want to reach certain goals and time is running out!
I didn't meet my dh until I was 34, we had our first child when I was 36+ and our second when I was 38+ YIKES! So now I'm nearly 41 with a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old...it's got benefits but I get way more tired than my younger mamma friends!

Whatever, ITS MONDAY ARRRGHHHH

Thought I'd get that out of my system. One week, girls are at their grandma's three days this week! THEN dh starts his vacation !!! Whooo hooo

[kune]

Texas
I think you did the right thing by telling her that you are not ready to talk about the bfather at this time. Obviously it causes you some grief so I can understand your reluctance. There will be other posters who have a similar problem and perhaps you can search through the Search and Reunion threads for one who can advise you. After a quick look I found one thread that may be of help
How do I get bmom to tell me bdad's name?

Hope that helps a little and you find more assistance from someone who understands.

Ann

[InBlindFaith]

Texas - my only suggestion is to be honest with her. Let her know that right now it is very difficult for you to talk about, but you will in time. Maybe have her write down her questions and give them to you. You can tackle one at a time...write down the story for her. That might help you process some too. (((HUGS)))

Okay - Finished up the Troop Scrapbook (now I need to print out the pics from Camp). I'm tired. It's Monday and my weekend didn't seem long enough. I think we should have 4 day weekends and 3 day work weeks!!!

Kathy - if I have to wait 33 years I think I will be a basket case!! I've got 19 years behind me and right now I'm able to tell myself "she's too young". Sigh....

[thanksgivingmom]

hugs to everyone today!!! I think we can use them!

I just have this "it's gonna be one of those days" feelings, and I haven't even gotten to work yet!!!

[InBlindFaith]

(((HUGS))) for everyone.

I don't know if it's just Monday or what but I am feeling quite anxious and I have absolutely no idea why!!!

[zxczxcasdasd]

Happy Monday (is it?) hugs to everyone!

Don't you have court soon, BF?

[InBlindFaith]

There's something going on on 8/13. I think it's pointless for me to be there, but I'm waiting to hear back. I still don't have a date on the jury trial. I can't look that up online because it's closed to public view since it involves and adoption.

[josh1788smom]

It is definitely a Monday. I smashed my pinkie finger nail this morning, and it still smarts. I have my mom at my office today doing random filing and typing. I figured I don't have to put her on the insurance, and the recent run I am having with temps is killing me. My last one, got a headache (after 2 days) and has not been back since.

I'm thinking Josh goes to school in 11 days. I'm sure his parents are counting down, but in a different way from my countdown. I am hoping it means a little bit of freedom and maybe a shot at running into him at a football game. My best friend wants me to go to the first home game, but I think I am going camping with my family. Gotta use the new travel trailer!!! The first home game is Labor Day weekend and coincidentally "Parents Weekend". If I saw my cousin wearing a shirt that said, "MY KID AND MY MONEY GO TO WVU" or "WVU DAD", I think I'd have to punch him. I think it is just better if I get lost in the wilderness that weekend.

Have a good week all!!!!!