[lahdh4]

Heidi, I would also just wait and see if anything pans out from this.
Oh and yes, I sent an email off to E and she thought maybe taking the month of April off because she KNOWS how much I do not like the month but I told her NO!!!! Why should we take a month off if she is unable to answer a phone call or return a message. She did think that she will try a different time and see how that goes and to the owner write a letter.

[thanksgivingmom]

H, I'm keeping MOSTLY out of trouble! haha - just enough so that I don't bore myself to death

As for the M situation - I agree. Take a breath, and IF it becomes a reality you'll cross that bridge when you get to it. And if I know you? You'll cross it with dignity and class and with the shoulder to lean on that J might need from you.

And then when you need to lose the dignity and go a little beserk, well that's what WE'RE for!!! haha

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by orrideus

I don't think I really have much of a story to tell about why I placed my daughter up for adoption. I knew I wanted a better life for her and that in it's self was my motivation for doing it. I remember when I signed the papers, I was crying so hard the judge made me take a 10 minute break just to calm me down and to make sure I was ok doing this. I even waived the 45 day wait period for the adoptive parents; but as I signed the paperwork I felt a heaviness lift off my shoulders. I wasn't ready to be a parent no matter how much I loved her and wanted her. What concerns me the most is, I was reading about adoptions and how the adoptive parents can change everything about the child. Date of birth, city of birth, what ever they want. She could be under my nose and I wouldn't even know it, that scares me. See, she was born in one state and adopted in another. I don't know how that part works, if I can request her b-certificate from place of birth and get the original one or not. It was a private adoption but I had contact with them for a short period of time and the only reason I broke contact was becasue my mother said she was going to contest the adoption. I didn't want my daughter with my parents, so I let her go. Every once in a while my mom asks about her and wants to find her and will I help her look. I tell her no and even if I knew where she was I wasn't telling her, that I would take that information to my grave. Harsh, I know but you don't know my mother. I guess you could say I'm looking for her, maybe I could tell if I saw her, I doubt it. She had no ear lob on her left ear, I always thought that was how I would know if that was my baby but with plastic surgery now, it's been fixed I'm sure. She might not even know about it. Not to long ago my cousin and myself went through every page of my space book looking. Silly I know but we did. Maybe one day I will see her again.

Orrideus, all of our stories are a bit different. How old is your bdaughter now? I had a closed adoption so I spend 32 years not knowing if he was alive or dead. Difficult as that is, in someways I think it's easier than always waiting (not so patiently) for the next contact. My goal was always to be as available as possible in case he was looking for me. I finally found him through this site because he had registered. While some aparents (or the courts) change information, others do not. Do you know the name of the people who adopted your bdaughter? How did you originally have contact with them? I still believe I made the best decision at the time much as I still wish it could have been different.

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by quantum

If I were you Heidi, I would just wait and see how it plays out, kwIm? Don't stress yourself out too much over what has a huge chance of not happening. I'm sure you'll know in good time if they ARE moving, and then you can start to stress. ;-)
This is advice from the Queen of Stressing Out Over Situations I have NO Control Over and have Usually Put Myself Into. Quite the title I have earned!

And Kathy, what fun with all the birthdays...but I'm hurt you didnt mention your UPCOMING VISIT FROM ME MEMEME! ;-) I'm just teasing.

Sorry everyone, I'm super hyper, a week from now, we'll be boarding the plane...

Hey quantum, I'm definitely excited about your visit!!! It's getting closer, all I have to do is get through Holy Week. I'm really looking forward to meeting your whole family, including bson, and having a part in your relationship!

Oh and Heidi, before you complain, I'm excited that you are visiting too! (And Janey.) If anyone else is coming to PA let me know! Maybe we can rename the parsonage "The house of Patience"! It really is great to meet the people (women) I talk with so often.

[quantum]

Awwweee I was just teasing you Kathy!

[thanksgivingmom]

My question is, how come no one ever visits sunny SoCal??????? Come on folks!!! haha

[kakuehl]

Awwweee I was just teasing you Kathy!

I know!

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom

My question is, how come no one ever visits sunny SoCal??????? Come on folks!!! haha

You need to join the rest and visit PA!

[thanksgivingmom]

If work ever let up I'd get right back to the east coast for a little vacay!!!

But until then I'll have to deal with my beaches and sunshine

[kakuehl]

I feel so sorry for you...

[zxczxcasdasd]

This is advice from the Queen of Stressing Out Over Situations I have NO Control Over and have Usually Put Myself Into

hahaha! Quantum, that's classic...and true about most of us isn't it? I know I need to just wait to see what happens, but when someone tells you something so potentially huge, it's hard to just not think about it (read: stress about it), kwim? It would just be a huge change- and you all know how long it takes to get your wrapped around this adoption stuff.... But, I guess I'll wrap my head when absolutely necessary and just relax until then.

Maybe I'll just hit the beach and get some sunshine with TG...

I'm looking forward to PA!!!

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by zxczxcasdasd

Maybe I'll just hit the beach and get some sunshine with TG...

yeah - because you have NO excuse!!!

[quantum]

Can you move sunny CA closer to Sweden?

[orrideus]

Wow, it seems as more time goes by, it's either I remember more of the information or it's wishful thinking that I remember. I called NYS yesterday and found out that even though I went to court here, the actual adoption took place in Va where she was born. That I didn't know! I thought Va was out of the picture all together because I went to court in Ny. Just when you think you are on a roll, someone slams the door in your face, so now I have to make contact with VA department of social services and try with them. VA has this stupid law( I think it is) that if the placed adoption took place after 94 I can give a written notice of execution to view the file, what kind of crap is that? What about before that time? Makes no sense to me what so ever but ok, deal with it and move on. My daughter will be 21 in August. I don't know what reasons I could have the file opened with, see I have a son with autism and I don't know if that would be enough to get the court to open the file. I don't know if my memories are correct. I'm thinking she doesn't know she's adopted. The family had connections in NY and CA. The mom was a screen play writer and dad was into computer science. They lived in Long Island, I flew into the airport in Islip.I had a car and driver and thought about going that way and starting a search but I don't think any company holds records for 20 years lol. So, I just need to have patience and take my time and do this right, first Va and see what I can come up with. If va is a dead end, I'm going to hire someone. I don't want to intrude, I just want to know where she is and maybe a picture. I also know the name of the lawyer but I don't remember the location or if this man was with a firm or not, I think he was. Nothing but time on my hands and that suck! Have a good day!
Kim

[zxczxcasdasd]

Hoooooly Cow...

You all know that I've been confused about how we went out to PA for a visit in Jan 08, which went very nicely, but since then J and M have had absolutely no contact at all? The main issue causing conflict between them was about her insistence on the Real Mom title and disagreement about my role in J's life- acknowledging me as his mom rather than just a mother-type-figure.

Wellllll, how's this for an ice-breaker after 15 months of total silence? She (M) called Me (me!) to invite Us (meaning J and his nuclear family) out for sis's graduation party this summer! She invited us as a Family. With a personal phone call. To me.

I'm floored. In a good way. But still a little stunned. Hubby doesn't know if he can. I've been trying to get in touch with J, but he's offline (it's still early for a college student...).

Wow.