[lahdh4]

WOW!!! where is everyone today!!!

Waiting for my email TGM!!!

[kakuehl]

Gee... I got my email... She's beautiful! (Actually they're both beautiful, TC & baby.

[lahdh4]

Wow and I still haven't?!?!?!!?!?!

[kakuehl]

Oh course, I pmed her my email since she didn't already have it!

[zxczxcasdasd]

Anne- I do hope that you get internet hooked up soon!

Jsmom- I booked hotel and rental car today so now I feel better since the question of what to do isn't hanging over my head. Of course I still don't know if I'm coming and I may have 2 1/2 months to wait until I do know. This, however, is nothing to complain about since at least there is a definite end to my wait.

Kathy- pretty positive she's on her meds since her psych has a standing order to commit her if she goes off. But she does still experience voices and paranoia even with her meds because of the severity of her case. If the clinical paranoia is shaping this, I'm not sure there's anyone who can do something about it. Her husband and her mother seem to hold the most influence over her. Hopefully, they are trying to assure her and not feeding whatever fear she has that's behind the ultimatum. Anyway...until Jan 9 we can hope.

TG- are you still walking on air?

Roni- any new Myspace excitement? have you started the new job yet?

HUGS HUGS to all the rest of you girls.

[josh1788smom]

Well Heidi - I think it is great you are still coming east. He could at least visit with the sister, and I've got no problem showing you some of the best of the 'burgh if we get that far. It looks like Hunker is kind of close to one of my old favorite malls. Anyhow, if she says, "J - I didn't know you were coming/I didn't get to see you" or whatever, he can say - "well we told you those were our dates, it was your choice." He does not really need to go into if you are there or not; his support system is not so much her business. Which is not cruel to her either.

I love TGs pics. I knew she was a knock-out, but that baby - what a sweetie.

Tig - one day at a time. That's the only way through sometimes.

Happy Fall Leigh - Brown - Rock on - anyone else I missed.

Happy Halloween and Hump Day all.

Roni - where in the he double hockey sticks are you???????

[kakuehl]

Good morning, all!
Heidi, is it possible that she believes you're trying to control son and the situation rather than accompanying him to provide support? (The paranoia of her disease might find your presence threatening.) Can you talk with her husband or mother?

Good morning to everyone.

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by lahdh4

Wow and I still haven't?!?!?!!?!?!

Have you STILL not gotten it??? I've sent it to you like three times!!!! I responded to the email you sent, because i figured that way HAD to work!!!

Let me know asap! I can't believe you didn't get it!!!!

[zxczxcasdasd]

Kathy- I'm afraid any reaching out gesture I made would feel even more threatening. I don't know how to fight a disease.

The problem is that the bigger underlying conflict over this is making J unwilling to take anyone but me, and her willing to accept anyone but me.

I don't want to get into it here (I'll do it offline somewhere), because we are riding the good news train here!!! toot toot!!!

But thanks for caring and thank for all your support! You can all send prayers and good thoughts to PA!

[kakuehl]

of course... you can always pm me if you want to... My prayers and good thoughts won't have too far to go! LOL

[thanksgivingmom]

Heidi, while I completely understand why you wouldn't want to go into person detail here, please don't ever let the reason you don't want to share be because you don't want to rain on our parade.

Good news is great, and it's awesome to have friends to celebrate with, but it's only THAT good because those same friends were around when things weren't so sunny.

You know you have our hugs and love

[Mommy24]

I totally agree with TG, share with us!!! That is what we are here for.

The happy train has to stop for fuel every once in awhile, LOL We insist, share!

[zxczxcasdasd]

You guys are the best.

Part of the reason is the rain-in-the-parade thing. Part of it is that even though these may be the facts of my situation, I hate to put anything up here that anyone could potentially use to reinforce negative stereotypes, or that would make anyone feel like it applies to birth mothers in general in any way.

So, caveat- this is my situation and only my situation and I only share it as such, not as any general statement about anyone or anything...

The deal is that she does not recognize me as his mother. She will call me by my name or call me his stepmother or his father's wife, but not his "mom". She says she understands that he "sees" me as his mom, but she is his mom and he needs to start acting like it and acting like a member of her family. J is insisting on bringing me both for moral support and to say through his actions that he wants them in his life, but that I'm his mom and he's not ready for what she's asking. M is holding her position that J can bring any friend that he wants, but he can't bring me, because while she knows he "sees" me as his mom, if he comes out there, it's to visit them, she's the mom in his family and I should have nothing to with any of it. M says J must either agree to that or not come at all. J says he has one condition for going- that he can bring me because I'm his mom and he wants me there.

So you see, I don't think there's anything I can do without making it worse since I am the point of disagreement. They just have to come to an agreement- if not in principle at least in practice-about what this visit, and their relationship, will be. Right now, she says it's all or nothing. He's hoping it can just be something without having to be everything all at once.

It's the issue that's been looming since the first day of contact and the visit has turned it into a head-on collision. And it sucks that it's about me, but I can't fix it. Yes, it feels good that J is willing to stand up for me...but I wish it didn't have to be like this. It was in fact, exactly what I was trying to avoid him ever feeling like or having to do. I don't know how I could possibly be any nicer or any more open. But, as too many of you know, no matter how open you are, you can't make someone else open....and that sucks. Especially for J.

[Mommy24]

Heidi~ The best advice I have, keep doing what you do! He knows who mom is and if she continues to push he will push back. Yes as mother's it is hard for us to see our children in pain, but he has you in his corner and I know he will be just fine.

Love to you!!! (((hugs)))

[kakuehl]

Dear Heidi, it sounds to me like she is threatened by you, because J is making it clear that you ARE his mother. She's trying hard to control something in this relationship. How sad. Once again, there is no thought about what's most important for the "child" involved. How sad that she can't understand that she's driving him away from the relationship she wants to have with him.