[maggi1972]

My son turned 18 last year on the 19th August. I went into overdrive and emediately started searching. Hit a brick wall a few times and started to feel despondant and query wether I was doing the right thing. Would he want to meet me if he did then surely he would have traced me. Doubts and fears started creeping into my mind as well as pain and grief. So here I am 6 months on. No closer wondering wether to pick up the search again.
The ache in my heart never goes.
Some days it is just slightly easier to live with.

[InBlindFaith]

(((Maggi))) My DD turned 18 last July. I flew into a panic. 18 years of surpressing the emotions they bubbled up and of course caused me to panic because I didn't know how to deal with all of the emotions. I registered everywhere, sent an email to the Agency. Within a matter of days a Search Angel found her and a friend of mine found pictures of her. Then, what I feared most...she doesn't want contact. Finally, I realized her no means "not right now". So I keep myself busy...I am working on a scrapbook for her and I have a MySpace profile that is wide open so she can secretly learn about me.

You are not alone in this waiting game. It's okay to keep searching and make yourself available for him to find you. I believe the first 18 years is one Journey and now our Journey has changed, it is something else...I think now I have to learn patience and understanding.

Don't give up and keep the faith. It may not be today, but one day you will be reunited.

((((HUGS))))

[rch4hvn]

Maggi.....I am almost in the same boat as you and inblindfaith...now we have to practice patience. I know where my boy is and he said he doesnt want anything to do with me , but I have come to understand that what he means is not right now...Keep searching please..maybe Bchild wants contact....you never know, but remember he is still young and he has alot of things going on and he is still not mature enough to take in everything...so us, as mature adults we need to be patient and I know it can be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Keep up faith and you will be rewarded

[AdrianLAnderson]

I'm an adoptee who only came into contact with my bfamily 2 months ago. It was a very interesting convo I had with my older sister. My family had been searching for me and I for them and I was really extremely happy to have heard that. I've heard from two of my brothers also and that's been really nice but awkward. Don't take their answers as just a "not right now" thing. Take it personally cause they have told you NO for a reason. They've got other lives to live and possibly have accepted that you gave them up for adoption. I realize that you really want to get in contact with them, but when they say NO, it means NO. They are probably scared of rejection, extremely angry for what you had to do or something worse, and are just adamant about their answers. If they want you in their lives they will let you know. Leave it up to them. Don't hound them and take their answers the wrong way. Leave them be and in time they may need you....you never know, but for now, NO means NO. Don't push it, or u'll just push them further away from you.

[Yarrow1]

Hello Maggi,
Boy I remember the day my son turned 18. So surreal. Had gone to counceling that morning-good thing, and just floated around the rest of the day. I didn't start a search at that point partly because I thought-"he needs more time to grow into his adulthood, so that he can decide what he really wants". I think life can be so chaotic for young adults at that time of life.. I agree with what other wise folks here have said, that with some time he will revisit this idea of you and I'll bet he'll change his mind!

[Yarrow1]

Yes, I it is true, NO means NO and should be respected.

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by maggi1972

My son turned 18 last year on the 19th August. I went into overdrive and emediately started searching. Hit a brick wall a few times and started to feel despondant and query wether I was doing the right thing. Would he want to meet me if he did then surely he would have traced me. Doubts and fears started creeping into my mind as well as pain and grief. So here I am 6 months on. No closer wondering wether to pick up the search again.
The ache in my heart never goes.
Some days it is just slightly easier to live with.

i understand about your wondering when and if to make contact.......

my daughter turns 18 next year.....its so surreal ....

i just pray for the right time for reunion....i want God to bring us together at the right time......i would rather have God going before me in this one...lots and lots of prayer