[Randa70]

Just out of curiousity i typed his name in the search engine on MySpace & found his profile. He was 17yo at the time so i did not contact him. Today is his 18th birthday & i'm trying to figure out how/when a good time to contact him is. If anyone has any ideas we'd b glad to hear them. His bgrandma is on MySpace too, but i haven't told her that i found him yet.

[SweetChild]

Randa,
Have you had any contact with his family over the years?

[Randa70]

it was an "open" adoption... til he was 2... i contacted them about 10 yrs ago just to let them know where i was in case they ever needed anything... they acted kind of freaked out because i didn't contact them via the caseworker (i no longer had her info). That's about it.

[browneyes0707]

I would try to find out more info if you could, maybe from his myspace page you can get his hometown or high school and somehow find an address?

I found my b-daughter on myspace this past summer the same way you did, although she is younger than your son she did say she wanted to meet her b-parents on her page. (I also had an open adoption until she was 2, and had not contacted the family since, but we had a private adoption so there was no agency to go through)

I chose to write a letter to her a-mom just to touch base,(she had said at the time of the adoption that I could contact them if I lost touch) and when I did I learned that after I shared the info with b-dad he contacted her on myspace directly. It shocked her. Suddenly she was not so ready to meet her b-parents. She still has not expressed an interest six months later for any sort of communication.

Your son may be older and of age to contact, but from what I've read on these boards most 18 year old boys are not emotionally ready to reunite. Whatever you do, try to remember that and tread carefully! I might also wait until you have made contact before letting b-relatives know, just for the sake of overwhelming him. A regular old snail mail letter may be the least overwhelming to him (it also may freak him out that an "adult" is reading his page, although teens understand that it is a public website, I sometimes think they believe that it's only their peers checking them out, KWIM?) Since you did contact the family 10 years ago, do you still have an address?

I know I may sound a bit negative, but I wanted to share some insight! I think part of the problem with my situation was that b-dad never considered DD would not be jumping to hear from him, and acted a lot out of an emotional reflex to seeing her page and what she wrote. Sometimes taking a step back and letting emotions simmer can create the best results!!

Good luck!!!

[Randa70]

i do still have their address. he set his page to private a few months ago (had nothing to do w me). he seems a little lonely & angry & didn't post anything on his site re adoption.
you didn't sound negative, just truly concerned about the situation & i thank you for that.

[SweetChild]

I would proceed with caution, just because 18 is young. The daughter I gave up at birth found me on the internet at age 14. We've had a roller coaster of a 5 years since.

Partly I am so thankful to have not had to wait to know her a little bit. We've had some incredible moments by email and phone.

On the downside, she has had a hard time emotionally handling all of it. This translates into long periods of silence and sometimes very painful conversations. And though I always try and put her feelings and needs first, I will tell you that is has been very hard on me.

I wish you very good luck. Every story and relationship is different.

[Randa70]

Thank you so much for sharing. It is such a hard situation. I think I kind of still feel numb to the fact that he is 18 already. It is a milestone [legally], I don't know if I'm ready either. Honestly, I wish I never had to be in this situation, but I am & I think I'll just leave it up to God & let him lead whatever is going to happen. I thank all of you so much for your support & sharing.

[zxczxcasdasd]

Best wishes to you. Keep us updated and let us help, if we can.

[rch4hvn]

My son is on MYSPACE too...He is also 18....but.....I sent him a add to friends request and he never answered it, so I am guessing doesnt want it. I am so proud of him..I saw pics...hes a football player, has a girlfriend, has graduated high schoo, but I cant tell him this .....because he does not want any contack, so my advice is...be careful

I wish you all the luck in the world
Michele

[EllieJ11]

I too found my son's MySpace page. He is almost 18 also. It's very exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

I chose to contact the family through an intermediary. Their response was very positive and we have plans to meet in the near future. I think it may have been less threatening because the contact came from a neutral party we had worked with before.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to contact the family or not, but I got to the point that I "knew" it was the right thing to do. Hopefully you will have the same experience.

Please keep us updated

[rch4hvn]

Thats great Ellie...I wish you all the luck in the world...I have decided too, to wait, what else is there. I dont want to make permaanent damage and also I am thinbking a intermediary would be good too, because then it wouldnt feel so stressful for either party. I love these Threads they are a great way to feel like we are doing something.
Thanks all