[IFoundMegan]

Ohmygosh. I can't believe I'm in this mess.

I gave up a beautiful little Megan nearly 17 years ago (her birthday is May 16).

For years and years, I've been watching and holding my breath, just knowing that I'd find her again some day. And yesterday, I found her blog, and realized that she was counting down the months till she could meet me! (when she was 18). I sifted and poured thru her blog, I almost felt like I was eavesdropping on her. I found entries regarding her anger toward me. Others regarding her curiosity toward me. Insightful stuff. I found out that my little baby is not a little baby anymore, she's grown into a very profound, talented, beautiful young woman. But I just couldn't stand that she "had me all wrong" ... her feelings of abandonment were apparent. I cried all day, till my eyes were swollen shut and I just couldn't take it any more. All the pain came rolling back like a tidal wave.

I called information in the city where she lives. And believe it or not...her phone number was listed. I wanted to talk to her mom. She answered the phone and I just started weeping. Poor girl must have thought I was insane. Geeze.

I told her I HAVE to talk to her mama.

This gets worse.

I called her mom AT WORK. GOOD LORD WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I told her I really wanted to email with her, at least.

I told my little Megan I had to do whatever her mom and dad say. They're the boss.

Now I just feel AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL. I have created HUMUNGOUS turmoil for this lovely family. I've sent a 17 year old girl head over heels in confusion.

I haven't heard anything back yet. I'm DYING to talk to Megan. I want to know EVERYTHING and I want to hold her again and smell her hair and tell her why things happened the way they did, and not to be so angry with me.

HELP!

What should I do? I'm waiting to hear back. I know Megan has my email address.

I feel turned inside out.

[Montraviatommyg]

Hugs to you and try not to beat yourself too much nor do I have advice to give. All you can do is keep your distance and wait to see what, if anything, happens now. I'm not sure how I would feel if I was in your position as how I found my son was completely different to you. He had been actively looking for me yet I found him by sheer chance and emailed him. Fortunately for me at the time it worked out fine.

I know it's easier said than done but damage limitation is best .

Pip

[healingfeeling]

Ifoundmeghan,

If you look at this differently it really isn't bad. You know she is safe....you know she's open to contact (if not now, then in 12 months). You can apologize to her mom up and down tell her you were irrational and you shouldn't have called her at work. Tell her the ball is in her court and you will be patiently waiting. In the meantime maybe write out some letters to her (even if you can't send them). Gather up some pictures, do nice things to remind you that she DID say she wanted to meet you eventually. We all do silly things when we're emotional!

good luck,

healingfeeling

[katlyn]

I agree that you should just wait and see what happens now. Whatever damage is done, can't be undone. You could definitely apologise to the amom and then just take several steps back and BREATHE. I have recently sent a letter to my daughter who just turned 20, and I too am playing the waiting game. It's difficult and draining and I know that I would just love to scream out loud at times. I wish you all the best and I truly hope that everything turns out for the best. All my prayers are with you!

katlyn

[dmartinez]

I had a similar instance...my advice is to take it slow....think first...our heart says to do it NOW!!! and sometimes that is not best....

[ISOSGV]

I hadn't thought to try searching blogs---how did you do it?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Google blog search.

[longingtomeetyou]

i know how you feel........
its still in the hands of the adoptive parents until our kids are old enough to make their own decisions .....which i guess is 18........

im going through similar situation as you ......

hugs and God bless

[Debbie1265]

I found my daughter 1n 2004. After meeting her, I found out that her amom had been responsible for our reunion. Courtney was afraid to contact me in fear of rejection. Her mom is an AWESOME lady! She was truly the angel I had prayed for when giving my daughter up for adoption.

I am assuming that you just SHOCKED them. I am sure that when they pictured a reunion, it would be initiated by them after she turned 18. So....... you jumped the gun a little bit. It is not the end of the world! In fact, knowing the high charged emotions of wanting to speak to your adopted child after all those years...... I would be shocked if you could have held back. The facts are: You know she wants to meet you. That would not be her reaction unless she had been raised knowing she was put up for adoption out of love. This message was given to her by her mother.

You MUST respectfully wait now. The one thing I really concentrated on during my reunion was: Leave the ball in their court. She will naturally be completely loyal to her mother. As it should be. She will not want to do anything to hurt her, and it puts her in a tough situation. She wants to meet you, yet she is afraid of hurting her mother. It may take them awhile to work that out. Allow them that time.

Let them decide how much contact they want and how to proceed. do not push yourself into their lives without invitation. Let them go at whatever pace is comfortable for them. They are a package deal. Her amom will always be the one she thinks of as "mom". She is the one who laughed and cried with her for 17 years.

After 2 years, I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter. But I make no mistake... I am not her "real" mom. I am her birth mom. I try to stay in my place and not be too opinionated. Courtney is going to be 23 this year. She has 2 sisters 15 and 17 yrs old - which mean the world to her as she was raised an only child. Our time together is very precious. It gets better each time we see each other. My relationship with her mom makes all the difference.

As hard as it is.... just be patient and God will work this out for you. I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you.