[Amy2U]

I have a question to ALL BIRTHMOTHERS WHO COME TO THIS WEBSITE. . . .

Do you in your deep down heart, know who your b/child's b/father is?? If you thought it was someone else, and DNA said, 0% paternity, could you retrace your steps 30 yrs. or more prior, and really deep down remember who the b/father is?

Your b/child may have deformities--LIKE ME
Your b/child may be rejected by you---LIKE ME, and need a biological connection--BIRTH FATHER, SIBLINGS, 1/2 SIBLINGS, ETC.

Your b/child may have had a HORRIBLE UPBRINGING BY THE ADOPTED FAMILY--like me, and need THE B/FATHER answered---like me.

Can you answer this question for me?
If you want to know why the curiosity, you can read my THREADS:
The Strength to Move On
The Strenght to Move On (Continued. .)
My Eyedeal Strenght is His Strength

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your future replies

[bromanchik]

I only made love to the birthfather. It's really not a question.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Ditto here. There was no question. We keep in mild contact as well so that when she wants to meet him later, I can find him for her.

[evildishrag]

Of course I know who the birthfather is. And so does our birthson.

I find it hard to believe that some birthmothers simply don't know. Of course they know. "Oh, it was so long ago...". Yeah, right. And if they thought it was Bob and DNA proved otherwise, then she certainly would have Jim as the alternate.

I can only speculate on the reasons why a birthmom wouldn't tell. Clearly whatever she's hiding pales in comparison to the anguish of her child not knowing.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Absolutely know....

I did see on Judge Hatchett over vacation that a mom thought a certain person was her daughter's father for like 20 something years and then the DNA said no! Turns out she had been with like 5 guys on the same day.... she didnt know their names....

Unless it was something like that.. or a one night stand.. I cant imagine not knowing... If you are placing... IMO you generally would question whether that person would show up while waiting for everything to go through...(if not named) KWIM???


(HUGS) Amy

[BrandyHagz]

I know we have at least one birthmother on the forums who has totally blocked out that part of her life and can't remember. Maybe she'll post here...

Personally, I remember.

[Benedicta]

I agree evildishrag !!!

Just to offer another variable that may influence one's perspective ....

In the 1960's, when rates of adoptions were very high , young women were no where near as active sexually as are young women of today . Many got pregnant as they didn't use birth control , because that would entail acknowleding that they intended to have sex. Difficult to do when there was such a stigma attached to premarital sex.
So, in most cases, the bmom knows full well who he bdad is ; IMO

[lisaann57]

I have 2 birthchildren..and yes most definately do I know who their birthfathers are, in fact, when my birthson and I reunited last year, I had kept track of his birthfather and actually called him for my birthson, and broke the ice for them to reunite as well. They have a good relationship now. I felt like I owed it to them to know who their fathers were. And when my birthdaughter is ready for that information, I will do the same for her if she wishes. If not then I will provide the information to her, to with what she likes.I can understand tho why that info could be forgotten or blocked, its such a traumatic situation so many times, that its easier to lose that info, than face it, I know personally, I have blocked out a few things myself. There were actually pictures taken of me and my birthson together at 2 days old, and the birthfather had those, and provided them to us, quite a shock, I was in the my kitchen when I first saw them and ended up on the floor, with them in my hand. Took me awhile to get back on my feet again, so many things came flooding back, so may emotions, I would post one of those pics, but it bothers me still, someday maybe Ill be able to share, but for now.....

[Amy2U]

I"m sorry, I'm not good with short terms, what does KWIM, mean? No, I am not placing. I was the one placed. You can see my Threads, "The Strength to Move On" and "The Strength to Move On (Continued. . .), and "My Eyedeal Strength is His Strength."

[BMOM&MOM]

Yes
I know who the birthfather is...I am married to him...but if I did not know I would find out..I belong to a group of birthmothers...Some of them were raped..I do not know what the story is with you your birthmother but sometimes the shame and guilt that birthmother experience goes very deep...Some birthmother do not tell anyone...My husband's birthmother(yes the birthfather is an adoptee) did not tell anyone...Most of the family found out at her funeral...Cindy...

[jaysmom]

Amy,

I believe that most birthmothers do know who their child's birthfather is...however, it's not difficult to imagine circumstances where she may not. I worked for several years in a prosecuting attorney's office in the child support division establishing paternity....I can think of a number of mom's who were unable to correctly identify their child's father. Some were more honest about it than others....mostly due to embarrassment that they had had sexual relations w/ more than one man near the time of conception.

If you couple that embarrassment w/ the social climate of shame and stigma from 30 years ago, it may not be hard to understand how some details may be blocked out....but have no idea??? hmmm, unless one was raped or it was a one night stand...which does happen...it's a little difficult to comprehend.

Are there others you can ask? Sisters or friends of your birthmom at the time that may recall her involvement/interest in somebody else? Someone she may have told? Do you believe that she is protecting somebody by not identifying the birthfather?

I don't know if this has been helpful or not....I wish you the best.

[BoxerLady6]

Originally Posted by FH-numbr1dbcksfan

I did see on Judge Hatchett over vacation that a mom thought a certain person was her daughter's father for like 20 something years and then the DNA said no! Turns out she had been with like 5 guys on the same day.... she didnt know their names....

This is me....not the 5 guys but I was with 2 different guys within a few weeks.
The 1st guy knew about my pregnancy but never brought up the fact that she may have been his. He supported the adoption too but went along with my belief it was the 2nd guy and we never brought up his possible involvement.
I still honestly believe it was the 2nd guy at least 99%. I haven't kept track of either men over the years because of personal reasons but would help my daughter search if she asked.

[teresa'smom1987]

I know who my daughter's B/father is. He was the only person with whom I had been intimate so I am absolutely sure. I've lost contact with him--his mother hated me and did not want him to have anything to do with me. She made sure that I lost track of him. But you better believe I would do some serious looking if I knew my daugther wanted/needed to meet him.

[scarlet52698]

Yep sure do, he was my first boyfriend and I've made sure to keep in contact with him so that my birthson can know him if he wants to.

[Umbilical child]

Originally Posted by evildishrag

Of course I know who the birthfather is. And so does our birthson.

I find it hard to believe that some birthmothers simply don't know. Of course they know. "Oh, it was so long ago...". Yeah, right. And if they thought it was Bob and DNA proved otherwise, then she certainly would have Jim as the alternate.

I can only speculate on the reasons why a birthmom wouldn't tell. Clearly whatever she's hiding pales in comparison to the anguish of her child not knowing.

Well in my case I think I know who my Dad is but my birth mum is unsure.....for 12 years she said it was ********** and then after spending a couple of weeks with me when I was 35 she changed her mind and said she thought it might be********so for ten years I built up an image of this guy only to be told "wait a minute there was more than one....hmmmm...it could be someone else or someone else's else, only DNA will tell.......I live on the other side of the planet from this fella and we have spoken a couple of times.....would be good to know for sure. Just another hiccup in the road to self discovery...and another mind f$%k............