[sarahbeachbum]

Hey there. I'm 20 years old, and just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy an January 10th. My adoption is very open. I have a wonderful open relationship with the adoptive parents. We text messege, e-mail, ect. We do this pretty much daily. They give me tons of updates all the time and he isn't even a month yet. I'm so grateful for this. But my inquiry is about what my title as a birthmother will be for my son. The parents and I haven't discussed it, but I was wondering what some of you thought and if you could toss some ideas around I could possibly bring up in coversation. I have been signing cards for him as "Mommy" because I love that title. I appriciate all feedback, THANK YOU!

[Allofus]

We use our daughter's birthmom and dads first names when talking to her.

They have signed off emails,cards etc by their first names so it feels natural for us.

[sarahbeachbum]

Do you think it's a bad idea if he calls me mom or mommy? I feel like the adoptive parents are really open and they always want him to know who I am and such.

[Gwen72]

1st of all, hello and welcome to the forums! I think that there are no right or wrong answers about what a birthmom should be called. Whatever you and the adoptive parents feel comfortable with will be fine.

[sarahbeachbum]

Thank you for welcoming me! I think this is such an awesome sight. I appriciate your answer very much, thank you Gwen

[luvbeingamom]

Sarah, my kid call their birthmom Mama and me Mommy/Mom. You should probably discuss this with the aparents. This is a sticky issue with some. I had a conversation with my kids birthmom about this some time ago. For awhile, she wanted to be called by her first name, but since this is a toddler adoption, the kids were used to calling her Mama so Mama it is. lol Open adoption is uncomfortable at times, but open communication and honesty is vital.

[luvbeingamom]

The other idea we floated around was Mama(firstname).

[sarahbeachbum]

Thank you! It definitely makes me feel better. I like Mama, I was actually thinking that while I was reading different blogs and such on here

[CaddoRose]

We adopted our daughter through foster care, so it's a little different from the get go in that she called them Mom and Dad first, and we opened the adoption to her parents. We made it really open so that she can visit and talk to them at any time. She's 4 now and we adopted her at 2 yrs old. We go with Mama Firstname and Daddy firstname. I refer to them as her Mom and Dad and when talking to her about them, add the firstname if necessary. I came to use these labels because we were meeting other fmaily members like Aunts and cousins and such and they get the title Aunt, Uncle, Grandma, etc, so I though why shouldn't her actual biological parents get the name Momma and Daddy. It works for us, her and them.

[lostmother2012]

My son's adoption was closed but his parents referred to me as his natural mother. Since contact they have referred to me by my first name, his natural mother or his other mother depending on the situation.

[sarahbeachbum]

i assume your daughter adopted through foster care calls you mom and dad? does she respond well to the fact that you guys are the authoritative figures??

[belleinblue1978]

I'm just Belle, which bothers me, but it is what it is. My Kiddo's mom isn't comfortable sharing even a variation of mom with me. You need to talk with the aparents about it.

[luvbeingamom]

Sarah: I know you were talking to Caddorose, but I am also adopting my children from foster care. My children are relatives of mine and I'm their kinship placement. They definately think of DH and I as their parents. Their relationship with their birthmom is similar to their relationship with our grown children, now their brothers. They love her dearly but do not look to her as a parent. They are small still, I don't know if things might be different in the future. To them, she's one of their "peeps" as they call them. A relative that they love, and is fun to hang out with....but she's not Mommy and Daddy...if that makes sense. I've been their Mom for 21 months now, since they were almost 10 and 21 months old. I don't have a problem sharing their affection with their mother, I love her dearly. However, she is really good about boundaries. The boundaries are that she call before coming over, she dosn't try to parent them, and dosn't fall apart in front of them if she's sad.

In adoption, it's not about us the parents (adoptive and birth) its about the kids. As long as the relationship is the best thing for the kids, I'm going to work as hard as I can to make it work, through any awkwardness, etc. I think it's really good that you are making use of this forum to think things through before approaching your childs aparents. Your thoughtfulness of your childs needs will go a long way in your relationship with them.

[CaddoRose]

Yes, she calls us Mom and Dad. She doesn't have any problems with it at all and she knows we make the rules.

[sarahbeachbum]

Thank you luvbeingamom and Caddorose! I really appriciate your responses. I don't want to approach his aparents with no idea of what to expect because I don't want to get my feelings hurt, or cause any conflicts in the future with him i.e. authority issues and things. I would love to still be Mommy Sarah or Mama Sarah. I feel like this adoption is very very open, almost like we are family but not because I went through an agency. Also, I'm writing to him a journal and I've been signing at the bottom of each entry as Mommy. Thank you for all your opinions again!!!!!!!