[gem2384]

Hi all, I just joined this forum as struggling to cope with my baby boy who was adopted 2 years ago.

Before my son was born, December 2008, I had a terrible relationship with his dad and social services were involved. With what was happening my ex partner and no one in my family to help look after him the only open they could think of was to place him up for adoption.

Since my son was born he was placed into foster for a while so I could try and bond with him also hoping that I could one day get my son back, which I wish Social Service didn't get my hopes up. At that time I wasn't with my ex-partner but after so long I fell for his lies, which I regret, and my son was placed for adoption not long after. In the meantime I tried my hardest to go over to the contact centre to see my son but his dad, most of the time kept spending the money, making me extremely depressed.

After about 9 months of torture with my ex I eventually left him and moved back with my parents. They tried their hardest to help comfort me when my son had eventually been adopted. I cried, near enough days on end, just to hold my baby boy again.

I am now with a new partner and he tries his hardest to comfort me as best as he can but most the time he doesn't know what to do as he doesn't know exactly what I am going through.

Today is my son's 3rd birthday, which every time around this time of year I can't help but cry. During the rest of the year I am all right, it's always around December time I find the hardest I do have another daughter, who is 6 and I am glad that she isn't my ex's daughter. My current partner and my daughter help keep me strong along with family but when times get hard I just seem as if I can't cope.

I miss my son terribly and I wish I could hold him close. I know he is in a loving family also a family that can't have children of their own. I just wish I could find comfort in knowing that but for some reason I can't :'(

In a way I just wish my little boy was 18 now and hope that he might try and find me

[belleinblue1978]

Well this is one thing I will say, I have never found comfort in the fact that my son is with a couple tha experienced infertility and I really don't think that is a place to look because I'm not a baby factory. I didn't give them a gift, I gave him a gift of a family.

The pain fades, I promise it does. It has been seven years since I placed my Kiddo and it has gotten easier every year.

Is there any chance the adoption could be opened up for some letter contact maybe? Then you would know how he is and what he is up to in life.

Just some thoughts.

[shebreathes]

i really know how you're feeling right now. for some reason it seemed easier as the years went by then right now, they seem so hard it's almost unbearable. my son is almost 14 and i wish he was 18 too.

i hope you find some comfort during this month. april is the month that i dread.....sucks for my husband since his birthday is that month too :-)