[epenn922]

I hope everyone doesn't mind. I post on both the adoptee and birthmother threads. I get such insight from both and I don't think that each other necessarily look at the other's forums. If this is a repeat to you, I apologize.

Since my nmom has never (and probably will never) speak to me or explain anything to me, I was always left with no answers. Today, I read these two articles and, to me, they explain a lot and were very powerful... I am not insinuating that this is everyone's experience all of the time, but I certainly believe this was more than one woman's experience....

Not By Choice - Karen Wilson-Buterbaugh - Eclectica Magazine v5n3

Moxie Magazine - Perspectives

[RavenSong]

Elaine, thank you for the links to the two articles. Much of what was said is true for myself and many of the other mothers I've known throughout the past 37 years who surrendered babies to adoption back in the 1960's and 1970's.

[NanieB44]

Dear Epenn,

I read the two articles that you posted and they are both sooo right on that they took me back to the extraordinarily painful days of my pregnancy way back in 1963! The shame that was imposed upon us and the secrecy are so accurately described therein. Social workers only counseled us in order to insure that us "misfits" with Scarlet Letters on our chests would give up our beloved babies if we truly loved them.

I was, by some miracle, joyfully reunited with my firstborn daughter 20 years ago and I have a wonderful and close relationship with her and the 3 children she now has. I know how very, very blessed I am...but those articles brought me back to the "basement" and looking back, I don't know how I survived at all. It was absolutely barbaric!

I am so very, very sorry that your birthmother, even given a second chance, was so scarred that she couldn't reach out to embrace you. I can't imagine the pain that must cause you. Maybe she is too fragile to risk revisiting that pain. Don't feel guilty for her pain...that guilt belongs to the society that was at the time. Know that she loved you and chose what she felt was best for you at the time. She may still be feeling very guilty and unworthy and afraid.

Hope I haven't been too intrusive here. I really can't speak for anyone else. My prayers are with you and your birthmom. I know you need answers and acceptance. Please keep talking about your feelings. They are real and valid!

Blessings, NanieB

[epenn922]

Thank you very much. These boards have been very supportive for me. I just received in the mail today from a friend "Wake Up Little Susie" -- it's mindboggling what happened to these mothers....