[oceanica]

PS After thinking about this more I wanted to add that if you really considered everything and you decide adoption is the best plan you don't have to let others derail you... more regrets come about when you let others pressure you in any direction. I know my daughter's birthmom went through a lot with her family torturing her before and after the adoption telling her she was doing the wrong thing and that mustve been hard.
The other thing she did was to write about the adoption in a book answering questions she thought dd would have and kept repeating how much she loved her and that that was why she went ahead with the adoption. I got that book after she died and it is positively priceless... her voice from beyond the grave telling my daughter all those things. We will treasure it.

[JustPeachy]

more regrets come about when you let others pressure you in any direction.

This is so very true. I was in charge of my decision to place and I have no doubt that it was the most important factor in my being able to come to terms with everything. Placing a child is HARD. And yet after weighing my options and coming to my decision from deep inside my own heart and soul, I can say it was the right one at the time. That doesn't mean I don't wish things could have been different in terms of my circumstances, but at least I can OWN my decision and live with it.

Whatever your decision ends up being, just make sure it is coming from you and you are not being pressured one way or the other from anyone.

[myForeverkids3]

Couldn't resist posting. Hope you don't mind an adoptive parent prospective.

1. You can wait until the baby is born to make your final decision. Have a family in mind but tell them you are not making your decision until you hold that baby and have a heart to heart with him/her.

2. You do not have to choose a family from a waiting list at an adoption agency. If you ask around, there may be a couple in your community (friend of a friend) who cannot have children and cannot afford adoption.(doesn't mean they are not financially stable, private adoption is in the 20k range!) Then you would have a personal reference so to speak. Just a thought. You may have already found the perfect family for your little one and I don't want to make you question that. Just don't make decisions based on offending or hurting a prospective aparent okay. That is hard to say because I am one of them, but this has to be only about your precious child.

3. Give yourself some credit for being strong enough to face this situation with honesty and concern for your child. While I hate abortion (my daughter survived one) I can understand how your mind would go there when you are in a crisis situation.

[Rylee45]

You mentioned being depressed and having bouts of it and think if you give the baby up you will get onto a "normal" life.

Believe me when I tell you this, if you think you have depression problems now, if you give your baby up they will be more intense! I had depression problems when I was a kid and into my teens. When I gave my baby away the depression got worse and more intense and I am still suffering with it even though I've met my daughter.

I have a son who is a great man. However, he never seemed to me to be "father" material and I worried he'd be abusive if he ever did become a father. He didn't handle things very well sometimes as a child and as he grew up when he'd get emotional. He never lashed out at me but he did at the other people around him when he'd be angry.

He and his wife didn't want children. I was in agreement with them. I didn't think either of them would be very good parents because my dil is an only child and spoiled rotten very outspoken and sometimes pretty mean. I love her don't get me wrong but she was spoiled as a child and I honestly felt when they said they didn't want children that it was a good idea not to have any. They didn't think they could handle being parents either.

Well, they have 2 children now. One boy and one girl. They are the best parents I know. They give their chidlren all the love they could get, disapline, education, and everything else they need and they don't spoil them by any means but they are great teachers and they love their children more than anything.

I'm thrilled to have been wrong about what kind of parents they'd be.

I guess I'm telling you this because you may think you won't be a good parent but you won't know until you are a parent and you can make choices to do things for your child that will make them happy and healthy.

If depression is such a bad issue you can go to a doctor and get medication for it. There are ways to get around the emotional things you're worried about.

If you don't want the baby, that's a different story. Give it up for adoption. But if you do want it and you are just worring about things you think would be bad and don't want to take the chance, then you should keep the baby and take the chance and do what you can to be a good parent. It's possible. Believe me it is.

Rylee