[Stillamom]

I've been lurking a while and have found the support to be much more helpful than I had imagined it would be
I have never written a poem, but this came to me out of nowhere and I wanted to share:


On a bright summer day in ‘71
A most precious new life had just begun
A baby girl I would love and nurture
Ahead for us, such a bright future
As she lay there peacefully, suckling my breast
The joy overwhelmed me, I knew I was blessed
Hopes and dreams filled me, void of all fears
I would always be with her, to dry all her tears
When people act ugly, it’s hard to endure
There had to be better, of that I was sure
Cherished photos, papers, social security
They worked very quickly, to take them from me
Although it’s true, they had crossed the line
No need to argue, I had my Sunshine
Life filled with happiness for a short while
All I needed each day was her beautiful smile
Left in a strange city, in such an odd fashion
Can some be so void of human compassion?
One scared, lonely night in a homeless shelter
The next day, walking the streets helter skelter
God said to me, “Everything will be fine”
“I will always protect both you and Sunshine”
His words rang true, not long did we roam
That very same day, we had a new home.
Suddenly, compassion abounded
By wonderful people we were surrounded
A fresh start ahead, it felt so sublime
Every day was so bright when I had my Sunshine
With daycare and studies and work at the college
Naively thought all I needed was knowledge
To give my Dear Sunshine a beautiful life
To steer her clear of all pain and all strife
We had ups and downs the next several years
But always enjoyed more laughter than tears
After helping to carry my Dear Brother’s casket
I felt like a case that belonged in a basket
It seemed the whole family had just gone amok
It’s then that I felt, we had run out of luck
She said at her house no way could we stay
Tried to convince me to give Sunshine away
Though later on, there were others who
Said they would have helped, if they only knew
What we had been going through
I was told they would assist, at a certain Charity
I remember the words with such clarity
It crushed my heart to hear him say
“We cannot help unless you pay”
We have a wonderful family, who is “better” for her
They’ll give her a great life, of that you can be sure
As he went on and on, how her life would be so great
Never once did he tell me, “it is you that she will hate”
As I sobbed , looking up to the sky
Desperately trying to understand why
There was no other way than to tell her goodbye,
God said to me “Everything will be fine”
“I will always protect both you and Sunshine”
They said to forget, but that could not be
She would always and ever be part of me.
Abused, bent, and broken, I just did not care
My life seemed so empty without Sunshine there
Then my eyes God opened, allowing me to see,
My Sunshine is still with me, in my heart and memory
That, absolutely noone, can take away from me
After 30 years she called, some weeks later we embraced
The hugs to me were awesome, though her pain was not erased
Another special ray of light, she kindly shared with me
A precious boy with eyes so bright, her Dear Son, Ronnie
I know it’s much to hope for, though I pray that over time
There comes a day, when I have been, forgiven by Sunshine
I cannot change things of the past or what is yet to be
Only pray, one sunny day, in her heart she’ll see,
That I did it just for her, and not at all for me

[Gwen72]

What a beautiful poem! I hope you are forgiven by Sunshine someday too.

[Janeytwo]

Dear "Stillamom",

Your poem is so touching.

I hope you can come to see that of all the people whose forgiveness you seek, yours is the one you need most.

Forgive yourself, Stillamom.

You did the best you could in impossible times.

(((( Stillamom ))))

[Stillamom]

Thank you Gwen and Janey. With the help of everyone here, I still have a ways to go, but making some progress in that direction