[Godizmyshepard]

Hello forum!! I am new here and was reading some of your stories and found them very encouraging. I am 23 years old and I have a 4 year old son. After a brief (and I mean very brief) relationship with a guy, I found out that I was pregnant. I am a single parent to my 4 yr old and am in a very tough time in my life. I do not have a stable home for me and my son, I have no job, and am struggling horribly to make ends meet. My family is very dysfunctional and I do not have any support. I have no friends really. The friends I do have are in no position to help me. The birthfather has been very abusive to me and he cant do anything to help with the baby because he is in jail on weapon and assault charges. I am going into my 7th month and am so confused on what to do. I would love to keep my baby as I am already in love with him/her...however I know that this will be very difficult and while I do not mind a challenge I just dont think its fair to make the child suffer. I dont even know how I am going to buy a car seat, clothes, stroller, bottles, just the neccessities. I dont know what to do. I would love to keep my baby but I am just not at a point in my life where I am able. I just finished CNA training and am going to take my state exam and I will be able to get a job. I want to go to nursing school, (which I am in the process of doing now). I know in like a year I will be doing well but its just like what do i do now? I dont want to have my baby go through a rough first year but I know it will get better. I dont know if I should stick it out or go for adoption and get my life together.

[MommaKatja]

First welcome to the forums. A phrase you'll see here a lot is Adoption is a permanent solution to an often temporary problem.

It sounds like very shortly you will be back to a place where you'd be able to raise your baby.

I don't know where you are located so I'm not sure about specific resources for you but I'll tell you about things I know of in my area and hope similar things exist where you are.

Crisis Pregnancy centers often have necessities for people who are going through tough times. I know someone who received a gorgeous bassinett (sp?) and changing table from our local office.
Another young mother I know joined MOPs at her local church (mothers of preschoolers) in addition to meeting wonderful parents who have become part of her support network this group also had "mop bucks" that could be used to "buy" things like baby supplies.

Also temporary government assistance is available.

You could check your local area for stores that sell used children's items.
Again I'm not sure where you are but 211 is a fairly new service available. Its a number you can call to get connected to a variety of social services.

I just woke up so I apologize if this isn't exactly a coherant post.

Once again, welcome to the forums

KatjaMichelle

[JustPeachy]

I'm not sure about this (maybe some others can confirm), but if you know you will be in a place to parent in a year, could you not arrange for your child to be placed in temporary foster care until you are on your feet?

[cetalley]

GODIZMYSHEPARD, and thou shalt not want... Sweetheart, there are some very good reasons to relinquish...in some very not so good instances! I cannot tell you what it is you wish to hear. i can say that what I read from your post is...you love your baby, and you are worried about being able to financially provide for the baby....meanwhile, your baby inside is not worried, he/she is safe happy and loved...no worries! Now, theworst reason to relinquish is because, we are hormonal, we are stressed, and we have goals...the worst! The best time to relinquish, is if you cannot keep your baby out of harm, cannot provide food, you are mentally unstable, or you just do NOT like parentin, and NEVER wish to do it again! All other reasons, are very easy to remedy We all have doubts at times, we all worry about the future, we all have bills to pay, and yes ...some of us have others in our lives that are a**holes! As Mothers go...there is nothing stronger, than a mothe with her "cubs". All you need to think about is ...will your child , miss his baby sibling, will you be able o provide LOVE! Will you be able to put a roof over his/her head? can you show, him/her the love ...only its own mother can show? For now do not go to pregnancy crisis center, if you research them, they are compensated...MOST times, by agencies/facilitators/lawyers..whom give incentives for referrals. Check out to see if there is a free clinic in your area, get some medical check-ups in, sign up for meidaid-medi-cal, not sure where you live, get signed up for WIC, housing is available, and ALMOST ANY church will help, with supplies! Never decide to relinquish your baby, until, well after he/she is born. You will have time to decide...just by spending time...if yo are able to provide what that child needs...if after you have spent a week or 2 with your baby, and you can honestly look at him/her, and say ...this is not fair...then make that phone call. Relinquishing is FOREVER...FINANCES are temporary! You can still achieve going on to nursing school...I promise! Blessings...and congrats on this newborn child, it is time to breathe, relax, and enjoy! I am only one of millions of Firstmoms(birthmoms), whom relinquished..23 yrsa, and counting...C.J.

[cetalley]

Sorry for all the mis-spelled, my nails are getting way too long Blessings, we are here, keep coming! C.J.